EMOTIONAL RAPE. That is the best way to describe the overbearing dynamics in my family.
After sharing notes with my wife, we concluded my aunt made 6 attempts to get me to do something I said no to at the start and every time it came up. Without going into details, it involved me reaching out to an estranged family member.
The 1st time the subject came up, it was at a low emotional level. I casually said that I came out here to help you during this time, not deal with family dysfunction. My wife and I believed numerous times the issue was closed.
The 2nd time the subject came up was through my cousin. At his house, my aunt called him to tell me that I could call this family member. What is it about this indirect communication? My cousin mused, “as if she does not have Wrangler’s phone number.”
The 3rd time this came up was when I returned late Friday to my aunts from her son’s house. This was explosive. She used religion against me and hurled more insults than I can recall. Calmly re-iterating my decision to not reach out to this estranged family member, I explained my reasons.
Immediately, my aunt did a lap on the subject. This time, I calmly re-iterated my decision AND said I’m not going to give you the reason, just respect my decision. Realizing she was emotionally out of control, I walked away from the kitchen table. As I walked away to keep the peace, she mocked me, specifically on religion.
I’m not sure why she got this in her head at this time, dealing with her husband’s death and the need to sell the house, I suspected it’d be better if I got an uber in the morning and went to the airport early. This way, I’ll prevent hours of harassment and ongoing emotional rape.
The 4th time the subject came up was early Saturday morning. My wife and I were in bed when my aunt knocked on the door and came in to apologize for her tirade the previous night. I said it takes one to forgive but 2 to reconcile. I did forgive this family member but there is no signs of conciliatory intention. My aunt accepted this as true.
So, I thought maybe I can keep my plans of staying until midafternoon. I believe the next part is divine providence.
The 5th time this came up was when I went to get some coffee. My wife did not tell me until later, but my aunt handed my wife the phone with no introduction to this family member. Imagine being this family member? You get a call from my aunt only to hear my wife’s voice – who you never talked to before. AWKWARD.
The reason I suspect this was divine providence was had I known that my wife was used in this manipulative fashion, I likely would not react very Christ like. I probably would have lost my temper.
The 6th time this came up was as I came out of the shower. My aunt claimed this relative called while I was in the shower and wants to come over to see me but wants to know where my head is at.
Shocked, I went up stairs to get fully dressed. I returned and used the same expression. I told my aunt where my head was at – angrily re-iterating my constant response. She exploded in a vicious tirade, even worse than the previous night.
Her granddaughter was there and called my cousin. On the speaker phone, he asked her what was going on. He summarized, “So, you told Wrangler that he could call this estranged family member. He said he wouldn’t. Now, you can drop it and let it go, right?”
She said yes. They hung up but she continued to rip into me. I adopted my cousin’s language. 3 times I repeated that I said no and she can let it go. Finally, she did. It was like a switch turned off.
Not wanting the switch to turn back on and knowing I had hours before my flight, I accepted an offer by my cousin to stay at his house until it’s time to go to the airport. As my wife and I had a chance to reflect on all this yesterday, all I can say is wow! I think EMOTIONAL RAPE is the best way to describe the overbearing dynamics in my family, not unique to my aunt. No wonder I have not been back home in nearly 2 decades. Thoughts?
