Joshua David: Yep, that's exactly the way my life has felt, really. Every time things start getting reasonably good, what I want most in life feels like it ends up shot to pieces and I'll never be in reach of it. I've been slowly growing in God's grace, but there are still areas that I need to seriously work on. :\ I've wondered if it's not those specific areas that are keeping me from being blessed with a good boyfriend and maybe eventually a husband. :\ For a long time, I thought that it was probably the issues I had with lust that were keeping me from it. I got rid of the lust...things started getting good...then that rug you talked about was ripped right out from under me. I keep trying to do better, but nothing seems to work. Nothing seems to get any better. I'm not asking for easy but I am asking for hope. :\ I feel as though there's no hope in regards to finding that specific man, meant for me...know what I mean? I keep praying about it and praying about it, but I feel ignored. People are pitched into my path who seem perfect for me, then something comes up that shows me they absolutely aren't. :\
I just wanted to share a little bit about what happened to me. The personal situation that I was in was almost an exact mirror of what you are going through. I spent years away from God. Not really abandoning him, just not living my life for him. I was so lonely in my life. I couldn't find anyone to share my life with. There were a few girls that I thought that I was going to spend the rest of my life with, but my relationships kept falling apart right before my eyes. After a failed marriage ( huge mistake ), and spending literally years between dating people, I was convinced that I would never find someone to really love me for me. And then I met this girl, Mia. She was the one who got me back into a relationship with the Lord. I decided to rededicate my life to God. And for the first time in a long time, I was really happy. We would sit around and talk about God, and the bible. She really cared for me. I thought that she was 'The One'. Then... the relationship started to have some problems, and to literally feel apart right before my eyes, and there was nothing that I could do about it. I was so tired of this. I was confused, hurt, and angry at Mia, at the world and at God.
God was there in my darkest hours, listening, caring, and loving me. He put a poem in my heart, and I took out a piece of paper and started to write. I didn't really know where this poem was coming from, but it spoke directly to me. It spoke of a conversation between God and me. I told God how I was hurting and how I didn't think I would ever be happy again. His response was the rest of the poem. He told me that He brings people into my life, and takes them out of my life. Some of them come in to bring Joy and light, and some of them bring me pain and darkness. But he told me that he was painting the picture of my life. He told me that I didn't understand why it was necessary for Mia to move out of my life. But that she had accomplished what she was meant to, ( bringing me back to him ). Now it was time for me to trust him.
And I did. Oh I was still hurting, and in fact, as weird as it is for a guy to admit this, I was crying like a baby. But I remembered Job. And with tears in my eyes, I said, "The Lord giveth, and the Lord taketh away, blessed be the Name of the Lord." I praised him through the tears. I would like to tell you that I met someone the very next day. But that wasn't the case. I eventually moved back to my hometown. And while I was here, I met a wonderful woman. I felt such an instant and immediate connection with this woman that I don't think I can really explain it to you. Our very first date, I took her to IHOP, for supper and coffee. And we talked and talked. It was like she was my best friend. We talked and talked and talked. In fact, that first date, lasted 8 hours. We didn't leave until 4 in the morning. I found out later that she had been praying for someone, and she told me exactly what she prayed for, and it matched me to a 'T'. You see, we both had been praying for someone specific. Someone who could accept us for who we were. After three months, I asked her to marry me. After another two months, I was married to this wonderful Lady that I have had the privilege to call my wife for almost 5 years now, and I love her more now, than I ever did.
Now I understand why God moved Mia out of my life. My relationship with Mia fell apart so suddenly because God knew that the longer the relationship went on, the more pain I would have gone through when it ended. It was a necessary pain, to prevent more pain later. But the dearest lesson that I learned, was that we serve God because he is God. We don't serve him because of what he can do for us, we serve him because of who he is. We may not always get what we want, when we want it, but we must trust him nonetheless. Because he knows the plans that he has for us, plans for our good, and plans to prosper us. But we need to trust him.
Hope this helps,
Joshua David
