Honestly I have always believed in God, I was raised to be a Christian and raised around a lot of very religious people who were devoutly religious thus I understand spirituality and religion adequately enough. I have learned various subjects in an attempt to understand the world, but every time I was left with this sensation and experience of completely futility in that it was completely pointless to bother with philosophy and things of that nature, ethics, even psych and social sciences, it’s all completely disregarded in our society, why? Oh boy and then when I got into politics and Marxism that was a big deal too. I eventually got disillusioned and fed up with everything because well, I mean everything is considered meaningless. I then came back around the bible and at this point I felt illuminated and that the bible was truth.
But of course I have grown disillusioned with that as well like everything, and thus I cannot help but think that Friedrich Nietzsche was correct in his assertions “God is dead” “it is the will to power and nothing else” I have spent my life feeling defective and wondering why I couldn’t connect to other people or did not fit in at all. I had my head filled with all these ideas of what it means to be “good” wth cartoons and children’s show but honestly they spoke to me I suppose. I could not communicate or talk to people, their emotions and motivations did not make sense to me, likewise especially because most people would not explain their true thoughts and feelings.
But honestly it just seems like most people are giant apes and monkeys and we obviously live in an angry, crass and intolerant hate filled world that makes no sense.
I know it must sound self righteous to many I have been told this many times in my life, like with everything. I have had people attempt and seriously harm me as well throughout my life, it appears perhaps that I am too peaceful or something, I do not know. There is a difference between true love, and acceptance and between a mockery or imitation. I am not won over by insincerity and artificial things or grandiose over the top spectacles.
Everything is fake, we live in a world of complete and perpetual illusions passing for real substance.