Clean Jokes Thread

[Mancunian]

A nun is taking a shower, unfortunately she forgot to take a towel into the bathroom. There was a loud knock at the door.... Who is it asked the nun. A voice from outside said "It's the blind man from the village".
Thinking that it wouldn't matter since he was blind she opened the door.
The man said " put some clothes on, and which windows need blinds?

 

[Mancunian]

At school my tutor asked me to name something beginning with the letter N that I'm not very good at.
So I said "Spelling".

 

[Mancunian]

I went to alcoholics anonymous. I had to tell them my name and admit to being an alcoholic.
Erm.....

 

[Mancunian]

I've tried everything to ease my aching joints.. A chiropractor, massage, herbal remedies...
My doctor suggested acupuncture so I tried that. It gave me pins and needles.

 

[Mancunian]

Two crocodiles were chatting, one looked really sad. His friend asked "Why the long face"?

 

[Mancunian]

I asked my North Korean friend what it was like to live there.
He said "I can't complain".

 

[Mancunian]

I've never been to America, but I've been in a few states.

 

[Mancunian]

What do you call a man with a piece of wood in his hair?
Edward.
What do you call a man with three pieces of wood in his hair?
Edward Woodward.

 

[Mancunian]

A colourful bird was brilliant at basketball.
Toucan play at that game.

 

[Mancunian]

Which cheese is made backwards?

Edam.

 

[Mancunian]

I went to a restaurant in Manchester. They were serving a special soup named after the rock band Oasis.... You got a roll with it.

 

[Mancunian]

43% of statistics are wrong.

 

[Mancunian]

I went to a Chinese restaurant for dinner last night, the waiter asked me if my meal was ok... I said the chicken was rubbery, he said " Ah, thank you very much".