Dementia: Dealing with an aging parent

[St. SteVen]

Anyone else had to deal with this?

My 93 year old mother (Joan) was recently moved out of her apartment into a senior care facility.

I wasn't prepared for her rapidly declining mental health.

I called her after she moved and she had no idea where she was or why.
Had to call one of my sisters to verify what was happening.

Have gone to visit a few times and she is trying to get out of there,
She keeps packing up to leave. She wants to go "home".
Doesn't leave because she can't find her car keys (doesn't have a car anyway)
And only had $7.00 in her wallet. Figured she wouldn't make it far. ???

When we go to visit her, she puts on a coat, thinking we are there to pick her up to go.
Even though she doesn't know where we would go, and understands that she would have to return.

Come to find out that this is a common symptom of Dementia.
Best to get her to talk about it. "Where is home?", "Tell me about home?"

Anyone else been through this?

/

 

[VictoryinJesus]

Anyone else had to deal with this?

My 93 year old mother (Joan) was recently moved out of her apartment into a senior care facility.

I wasn't prepared for her rapidly declining mental health.

I called her after she moved and she had no idea where she was or why.
Had to call one of my sisters to verify what was happening.

Have gone to visit a few times and she is trying to get out of there,
She keeps packing up to leave. She wants to go "home".
Doesn't leave because she can't find her car keys (doesn't have a car anyway)
And only had $7.00 in her wallet. Figured she wouldn't make it far. ???

When we go to visit her, she puts on a coat, thinking we are there to pick her up to go.
Even though she doesn't know where we would go, and understands that she would have to return.

Come to find out that this is a common symptom of Dementia.
Best to get her to talk about it. "Where is home?", "Tell me about home?"

Anyone else been through this?

/

My mother is 92(93 in February). I feel your pain. She has lived in the same house now for at least twenty years…but now she thinks she is only visiting there, and still lives at her old house before this one. The house we grew up in. She gets discouraged thinking she is only there to tend to the flowers…voicing she wants to get rid of plants in her yard because she can’t keep coming over there to water them. Several times I’ve found her in the yard trying to dig things up to move to the other house, and some she tries to give to me saying she doesn’t want those plants anymore.

Hers isn’t all the time dementia. She can have normal days. But it progresses still. They call the dementia she has “pulmonary dementia”. Her brother had Alzheimer’s. My moms is different but still looks familiar to Alzheimer’s.

Some must haves: a large clock with the days of the week spelled out…and whether it is evening or morning spelled out with the date. She kept falling out of bed but it was the collapse of the mattress on its edge…so my husband made a wood rail that slides on the edge that has a noodle glued to it. A little more than a side rail. This has worked miracles because she has not fell out of bed once in at least six months, when before she was falling out every couple days, sometimes every day. At lot of reminders and notes help.

I’ve also noticed certain items trigger her memory…for example she broke one of her favorite flowers pots so if she starts arguing that “this is not where I live. This is not my house.” If she sees the pot she broke (which she glued back together) …she remembers immediately saying “I remember breaking the pot. This is my house?” I get it’s not that easy because everyone is different. But I do feel your pain in how hard it is to adjust to their needs and also having to watch it.

 

[St. SteVen]

Some must haves: a large clock with the days of the week spelled out…and whether it is evening or morning spelled out with the date.

Thanks for your reply and sympathetic words. Sorry to hear about your struggles.

Before my Mom moved out of her senior apartment she was having a terrible ordeal with time and day of the week.
I would call her on a Sunday afternoon and make an appointment to take her to church with us the next Sunday, a week ahead.

I would get a call from her on Tuesday morning asking where we were. She was down at the door waiting for us to pick her up for church.
So I would explain and ask her to use a calendar to mark the days during the week. Nope. Nothin' doin'.

Then I get a call on Thursday night. I was already in bed. Once again she is waiting for us. "You said 9 o'clock, right?" (sigh)
"AM, Mom, not PM." --- "Oops. I think I locked myself out of the building." (sigh) "Use the fob, Mom."

After that, if I wanted to take her to church, I called at 8 AM on Sunday to invite her. Just enough time to get ready and go.

/

 

[VictoryinJesus]

Thanks for your reply and sympathetic words. Sorry to hear about your struggles.

Before my Mom moved out of her senior apartment she was having a terrible ordeal with time and day of the week.
I would call her on a Sunday afternoon and make an appointment to take her to church with us the next Sunday, a week ahead.

I would get a call from her on Tuesday morning asking where we were. She was down at the door waiting for us to pick her up for church.
So I would explain and ask her to use a calendar to mark the days during the week. Nope. Nothin' doin'.

Then I get a call on Thursday night. I was already in bed. Once again she is waiting for us. "You said 9 o'clock, right?" (sigh)
"AM, Mom, not PM." --- "Oops. I think I locked myself out of the building." (sigh) "Use the fob, Mom."

After that, if I wanted to take her to church, I called at 8 AM on Sunday to invite her. Just enough time to get ready and go.

/

It’s good you figured out it works best to let her know the day of with just enough time to get ready. I can relate to this too…this learning process. You never tell my mom she has a doctors appointment ahead of time…she will stress over it continuously until the day of …doing exactly as you said of thinking it other days. It’s better to show up early and get her ready for the doctor. Same as when physical therapy would come in … I would tell her an hour or so before they were coming because she hated their coming and would fight to get out of it. Weird…she would start cussing me for having the physical therapist come. So angry right before they got there saying she was sending them away. Sometimes she turned it quickly into a smile once they got there. But sometimes… she did run them off. It’s hard. You are not alone. Your mom is lucky to have you care and see to her needs, help and comfort.

 

[Rita]

My dad didn’t have demencia but in his 90’s he was way more forgetful. There is memory loss and there is demencia. The fact that she is looking for car keys but doesn’t drive is slightly concerning, did she use to drive ?
Dementia is more about forgetting the present and gradually going backwards , short term memory declines in both kinds of memory loss.
My mum in law had dementia, and I worked on the demencia floor at work - many residents pack cases and want to go home when they first come into the care home. The environment is just not recognised.
I just accepted my dad’s memory and tried to be as patient as I could.
Rita

 

[St. SteVen]

My dad didn’t have demencia but in his 90’s he was way more forgetful. There is memory loss and there is demencia. The fact that she is looking for car keys but doesn’t drive is slightly concerning, did she use to drive ?
Dementia is more about forgetting the present and gradually going backwards , short term memory declines in both kinds of memory loss.
My mum in law had dementia, and I worked on the demencia floor at work - many residents back cases and want to go home when they first come into the care home. The environment is just not recognised.
I just accepted my dad’s memory and tried to be as patient as I could.
Rita

Thanks.
Yes, it was just memory loss originally.
Moving into a care facility seems to trigger the dementia.

When she asked to be taken home, I asked her to describe home.
She was looking back to a previous home, not to the apartment she had just left.

/

 

[Rita]

When a resident with dementia wanted to go home it kind of signals that they feel insecure, unsafe ect. I mean I have just moved and it takes time for a place to feel okay, so if I was dealing with memory loss and I was much older, it would impact so much more. If it’s any consolation the residents usually stop packing and adapt ,it just takes a bit of time. It maybe that your mum just needs a bit of reassurance while she adapts. Hope she settles ok xxxxx

 

[Ziggy]

So, I'm not sure.

Dad is always quick to answer. Always jumping before you finish.
But the last few weeks, maybe a bit longer. He just isn't paying attention to anything.
He says yes, before I even get a question out my mouth.
Right now he's going through some kind of infection. Not sure if it's bladder or something down there.
I'm not a doctor.
I took dad to the doc day before yesterday. I told them I suspected an infection because I noticed some changes in his urine.
So they took a urine test and came back and said yes, and put in for a prescription at the drugstore.
They didn't take his temperature, or bloodpressure, or even talk to him at all.
scratching my head....
So I got him home, didn't get the antibiotics till yesterday. He is so weak. Said he don't want the meds because they make him feel funny.
I told him the infection is gonna make you feel a whole lot more funny if we dont get it taken care of.
He agreed.
He don't want to eat. I'm making sure he drinks plenty of water. Gave him an Ensure for lunch. I think he only drank it because it's strawberry.
But he slept in the recliner most the day.
And around 7 tonight he decided to go to bed. Getting him in wasn't easy.
And about an hour ago he wanted to get up. But he couldn't sit up. Not the first time, he's overweight and has arthritis, but this infection is taking a toll.
So we almost ended up on the floor again. But I managed to get him in the recliner.
He seems dazed and cloudy.
We both worked up a sweat trying to get him in the chair. And now he acts if nothing really happened.
So.. I don't know.

I just made him a slice of toast and a cup of tea. Ofcourse it's the weekend. I know it's going to take a couple days for those meds to kick in. The swelling has gone down, but I had to make the bed again. Those pullups just arent doing the job.

I'm tired. I'm praying the rest of the night goes smooth. I don't have any strength left to do that again.
I don't want to put him in the hospital because I know we can get through this at home.
And putting him in the hospital would only be for my benefit not his.

Maybe I should of addressed to this to : Dear Diary.. lol
Dad's calling.
Hugs

 

[Rita]

So, I'm not sure.

Dad is always quick to answer. Always jumping before you finish.
But the last few weeks, maybe a bit longer. He just isn't paying attention to anything.
He says yes, before I even get a question out my mouth.
Right now he's going through some kind of infection. Not sure if it's bladder or something down there.
I'm not a doctor.
I took dad to the doc day before yesterday. I told them I suspected an infection because I noticed some changes in his urine.
So they took a urine test and came back and said yes, and put in for a prescription at the drugstore.
They didn't take his temperature, or bloodpressure, or even talk to him at all.
scratching my head....
So I got him home, didn't get the antibiotics till yesterday. He is so weak. Said he don't want the meds because they make him feel funny.
I told him the infection is gonna make you feel a whole lot more funny if we dont get it taken care of.
He agreed.
He don't want to eat. I'm making sure he drinks plenty of water. Gave him an Ensure for lunch. I think he only drank it because it's strawberry.
But he slept in the recliner most the day.
And around 7 tonight he decided to go to bed. Getting him in wasn't easy.
And about an hour ago he wanted to get up. But he couldn't sit up. Not the first time, he's overweight and has arthritis, but this infection is taking a toll.
So we almost ended up on the floor again. But I managed to get him in the recliner.
He seems dazed and cloudy.
We both worked up a sweat trying to get him in the chair. And now he acts if nothing really happened.
So.. I don't know.

I just made him a slice of toast and a cup of tea. Ofcourse it's the weekend. I know it's going to take a couple days for those meds to kick in. The swelling has gone down, but I had to make the bed again. Those pullups just arent doing the job.

I'm tired. I'm praying the rest of the night goes smooth. I don't have any strength left to do that again.
I don't want to put him in the hospital because I know we can get through this at home.
And putting him in the hospital would only be for my benefit not his.

Maybe I should of addressed to this to : Dear Diary.. lol
Dad's calling.
Hugs

My dad was always getting urine infections , so pleased you got him to take the meds as urine infections getting out of hand can cause so many problems and he would probably end up in hospital because it affects so many things. It’s hard work isn’t it, so sorry as I know how I use to feel. Xxxxxxxx

 

[Ziggy]

I think he is trying to fall on the floor so I have to send him to the hospital.
He has the chills now. I just got him back in bed again.
I may end up calling an ambulance tomorrow because I'm not going to be able to get him down the ramp and in the car even with a wheelchair.
His doctor is 45 minutes away because he had everything set up when he lived with his GF.
So for me to visit would be almost a 2 hour round trip, including gassing up.
I don't mind the drive, but I still havent had a chance to work out some issues with this car I just got.
But if things don't improve by tomorrow, then I'll send him over.
I think between the infection and the antibiotics, it's really taking a toll on him. And me.
I had to literally throw him on the bed so he wouldn't land on the floor.
He's twice my size and I'm broken as it is.
I just don't want to give up.
I'm going to try to get a nap. He'll be up again in another hour.
I put a pullup on him this time. I hope it works. I run out of sheets. Doing laundry at 2am lol.
Hugs

 

[Rita]

So sorry Ziggy, it does bring back memories of caring for my dad. He didn’t live with me so it would mean trips down the road at night sometimes. My dad was quite large and I simply couldn’t lift him if he fell, and that happened quite a bit in the last year. I had to call my son. My dad didn’t want to go Into a care home, but it was getting really challenging. In the end things happened quite quickly , and suddenly, so that wasn’t a decision I had to make. It really takes its toll, so much love to you as you support your dad xxxxxxx

 

[Ziggy]

So sorry Ziggy, it does bring back memories of caring for my dad. He didn’t live with me so it would mean trips down the road at night sometimes. My dad was quite large and I simply couldn’t lift him if he fell, and that happened quite a bit in the last year. I had to call my son. My dad didn’t want to go Into a care home, but it was getting really challenging. In the end things happened quite quickly , and suddenly, so that wasn’t a decision I had to make. It really takes its toll, so much love to you as you support your dad xxxxxxx

Thank You Rita
HUGS

 

[VictoryinJesus]

I think he is trying to fall on the floor so I have to send him to the hospital.
He has the chills now. I just got him back in bed again.
I may end up calling an ambulance tomorrow because I'm not going to be able to get him down the ramp and in the car even with a wheelchair.
His doctor is 45 minutes away because he had everything set up when he lived with his GF.
So for me to visit would be almost a 2 hour round trip, including gassing up.
I don't mind the drive, but I still havent had a chance to work out some issues with this car I just got.
But if things don't improve by tomorrow, then I'll send him over.
I think between the infection and the antibiotics, it's really taking a toll on him. And me.
I had to literally throw him on the bed so he wouldn't land on the floor.
He's twice my size and I'm broken as it is.
I just don't want to give up.
I'm going to try to get a nap. He'll be up again in another hour.
I put a pullup on him this time. I hope it works. I run out of sheets. Doing laundry at 2am lol.
Hugs

I’m sorry to read of the difficult time you and your father are going through together right now. I’m sure you are exhausted. I hope the antibiotics work and his fever comes down. My sister just had a urinary infection and even though she isn’t as worn down as your father …she had the chills and symptoms like you mentioned and it took her multiple rounds of antibiotics to get over it. Don’t beat yourself up if you can’t handle it at home…you are an awesome daughter just by what you have shared with us. Thinking of you …even here on the board you have a gentle heart to where even in saying hard things, you never seem to be on the attack. I hope God gives you comfort in what you study to remind you that He is with you in this difficulty. I say this because that has helped me the most with my mother…when my perspective is one of hope instead of that of drowning. It’s like fuel ..renewed energy for the day…more than eating or sleeping is feeding of the mind to stay focused on God’s good news. It’s always helpful reminders that I seriously can feel help whenever it gets way to difficult.

 

[Ziggy]

heading to the hospital. bbl.
not emergency
hugs

 

[VictoryinJesus]

heading to the hospital. bbl.
not emergency
hugs

 

[Lizbeth]

heading to the hospital. bbl.
not emergency
hugs

Is there any way you can get temporary respite care for your Dad until he gets over this infection? And now and then as needed, going forward.

 

[Ziggy]

They are keeping him overnight. Back on the catheter.
Looking better. I'll know more in the morning.
Looooong Day..lol
Thankyou all
Hugs

 

[Gabriel _Arch]

 

[VictoryinJesus]

They are keeping him overnight. Back on the catheter.
Looking better. I'll know more in the morning.
Looooong Day..lol
Thankyou all
Hugs

How’s your father? And you?

 

[Ziggy]

Dad is doing ok. I saw him this morning. Kind of groggy. I think the antibiotics are hard on him.
He told me he wanted to go home. I said they had to finish fixing him up first.
So weak he couldn't feed himself,so I helped him eat scrambled egg and some jello.
I had to leave early as we lost power yesterday afternoon and I didn't remember what was left on or not.
So,power came back on about 6:30 tonight. Good thing, it was starting to get cold.
No damages, lots of trees down behind the house. I slept pretty good last night, regardless of the wind.
I only lost the milk and I'm not crying over it.
Even the icecream survived.
He wasn't much up for company.After he ate he just wanted to lay back down. So I figure the more sleep the better.
I'll go again in the morning. The hospital he is in is only 15 minutes away, so that makes it easier than the one he was in before which was almost an hour away.
He said he was cold, but the hospital was on emergency backup due to the storm. He likes it 80 degrees. And I think they were running like
65-68.
Hopefully there will be some improvement tomorrow.
They don't have him walking yet.

Thank you for asking.
HUGS