. You have a good strong testimony. I had a sense about you, from the start, but especially when you started using a personal pic for your avatar. You come off as guarded, but with a very good heart - a soft heart. And that's a wonderful thing. That is probably what the Devil is after destroying. He wants to get you going in the opposite direction again from where God has been taking you. And that is why the Spirit of power, love, and a sound mind is so important. Fear makes you focus on failure, weakness, suffering... power, love and a sound mind keep you focused on the good, on what God can do, on the positives in yourself and others.
You have a LOT going for you, so just keep fighting. If you do, you will dig out to this place where you are increasingly protected emotionally and spiritually, and both internally and in the environment you build for yourself as well. Just keep believing in His ability to take care of you. If you keep trusting Him, you will be rewarded more and more for doing so.