for today, i am going to commit suicide.
he knows why. he knows i cannot bear this. he knows i've been meaning to for a while now.
He must forgive me, and not place me in hell.
i am his own, i was a good person, I do not deserve hell.
perhaps purgatory. but not hell.
i cannot get my life on track anymore.
every thing is my fault, and everything is sooo hard.
Please forgive me, god.
either way, last second, i'll pussy out.
someone please tell me unique encouraging words instead of the typical
The Holy Spirit prevented me from suicide more than once several years ago. I wouldn't advise testing the waters. Don't let yourself be drawn towards it, or even the thought of it. There is something intoxicating about that darkness.
According the the Bible, nobody can get their life on track. We are slaves of darkness until freed by Christ.
God wants to work a miracle in you. You already know you need Him because you know you are helplessness. That is most of the way to receiving grace.
For some reason I desire to share:
Psalm 139 Excepts:
"1 O LORD, you have searched me
and you know me.
2 You know when I sit and when I rise;
you perceive my thoughts from afar.
3 You discern my going out and my lying down;
you are familiar with all my ways.
4 Before a word is on my tongue
you know it completely, O LORD.
5 You hem me in—behind and before;
you have laid your hand upon me.
6 Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,
too lofty for me to attain.
7 Where can I go from your Spirit?
Where can I flee from your presence?
8 If I go up to the heavens, you are there;
if I make my bed in the depths, [a] you are there.
9 If I rise on the wings of the dawn,
if I settle on the far side of the sea,
10 even there your hand will guide me,
your right hand will hold me fast.
11 If I say, "Surely the darkness will hide me
and the light become night around me,"
12 even the darkness will not be dark to you;
the night will shine like the day,
for darkness is as light to you.
13 For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother's womb.
14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.
15 My frame was not hidden from you
when I was made in the secret place.
When I was woven together in the depths of the earth,
16 your eyes saw my unformed body.
All the days ordained for me
were written in your book
before one of them came to be.
17 How precious to
me are your thoughts, O God!
How vast is the sum of them!
18 Were I to count them,
they would outnumber the grains of sand.
When I awake,
I am still with you.
[...]
23 Search me, O God, and know my heart;
test me and know my anxious thoughts.
24 See if there is any offensive way in me,
and lead me in the way everlasting."
You are in my prayers,
Redeemed
An old pastor of mine told me that suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem.
