Oftentimes we know something intellectually but not in the gut, so to speak. This is essentially the difference between so-called book-learning and experience. I mention this because it is relevant to a recent experience of mine.
Last April I was stricken with a near-fatal disease that sent me to the hospital intensive care unit for almost a month. I spent eleven days in a medical coma and very nearly died. Upon awakening, I was so weak as to be effectively paralyzed. I was helpless in every conceivable way and one-hundred percent dependent upon the doctors and nurses to care for me in the most intimate ways from rolling me in my sleep to prevent compression sores to cleaning my own filth when I lost control of my bowls. It was humbling, to say the least.
During this experience I intuited that a stark choice lay before me: I could claim this to be unfair and wallow in self pity or I could let go of myself and trust in the will of God. I was tempted by the former path and could, for the first time in my life, easily understand how so many people follow that road. The many people lost to drugs and homelessness are a testament to just how easy it can be to take that road. Fortunately, God has other plans for me. During the depths of my despair I felt the pull of the Holy Spirit and turned my gaze upwards. Having no strength of my own I left it all in God's hands. "God," I said, "my life is yours. If you wanted me to die then you could have easily taken me when I lay in coma, but you allowed me to awaken. Please, Lord, tell me your will for me."
The answer came immediately: "Love." God wants me to love.
This knowledge was not new to me. I had read this passage many times and understood it well, or at least I thought I did. But until this point I had understood the commandment to love intellectually. It took a near fatal disease, paralysis, and absolute helplessness and powerlessness on my part to shift this knowledge from my head to my heart. That shift was a sea change. Suddenly the commandment to love your God and to love your neighbor as yourself (indeed to love yourself at all! -- a subject for another thread) became not just quantitatively different but qualitatively so. Anyone who has come to brink of death and returned can understand this.
Since the worst of my ordeal I have continued to grow in my relationship with Jesus. He has been teaching me the virtue of patience, humility and trust. He has also been healing my body. The doctors were not sure I would live yet here I am. They thought I would forever need dialysis for failed kidneys yet I am dialysis free for over a month and continuing to heal. It is a miracle. During my prayers I begged Jesus to heal me, not for myself but so I would not burden my wife and family. His response: "In due time." Not knowing how long that might be, whether days, weeks, months or years, but trusting in God's perfect trustworthiness tears rolled down my cheeks as I poured out my gratitude.
My message to those who read this is simple: trust in the Lord. God is real. He loves you. He wants you to know him. He wants you to be healthy and to be happy. He wants you to live without fear. He wants you to know overflowing joy. Turn to him. Pray to him, not because you fear damnation if you don't but because you deserve to know his infinite love and compassion now as has always been his desire for you.
The above verse from The Lord's Prayer is not merely a plea for future action. It can be realized now, this very moment. Thank you for taking the time to read my testimony.
May God bless you.
Jason
Last April I was stricken with a near-fatal disease that sent me to the hospital intensive care unit for almost a month. I spent eleven days in a medical coma and very nearly died. Upon awakening, I was so weak as to be effectively paralyzed. I was helpless in every conceivable way and one-hundred percent dependent upon the doctors and nurses to care for me in the most intimate ways from rolling me in my sleep to prevent compression sores to cleaning my own filth when I lost control of my bowls. It was humbling, to say the least.
During this experience I intuited that a stark choice lay before me: I could claim this to be unfair and wallow in self pity or I could let go of myself and trust in the will of God. I was tempted by the former path and could, for the first time in my life, easily understand how so many people follow that road. The many people lost to drugs and homelessness are a testament to just how easy it can be to take that road. Fortunately, God has other plans for me. During the depths of my despair I felt the pull of the Holy Spirit and turned my gaze upwards. Having no strength of my own I left it all in God's hands. "God," I said, "my life is yours. If you wanted me to die then you could have easily taken me when I lay in coma, but you allowed me to awaken. Please, Lord, tell me your will for me."
The answer came immediately: "Love." God wants me to love.
28 And one of the scribes came up and heard them disputing with one another, and seeing that he answered them well, asked him, “Which commandment is the most important of all?” 29 Jesus answered, “The most important is, ‘Hear, O Israel: The Lord our God, the Lord is one. 30 And you shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.’ 31 The second is this: ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself.’ There is no other commandment greater than these.”
Mark 12:28-31 ESV
This knowledge was not new to me. I had read this passage many times and understood it well, or at least I thought I did. But until this point I had understood the commandment to love intellectually. It took a near fatal disease, paralysis, and absolute helplessness and powerlessness on my part to shift this knowledge from my head to my heart. That shift was a sea change. Suddenly the commandment to love your God and to love your neighbor as yourself (indeed to love yourself at all! -- a subject for another thread) became not just quantitatively different but qualitatively so. Anyone who has come to brink of death and returned can understand this.
Since the worst of my ordeal I have continued to grow in my relationship with Jesus. He has been teaching me the virtue of patience, humility and trust. He has also been healing my body. The doctors were not sure I would live yet here I am. They thought I would forever need dialysis for failed kidneys yet I am dialysis free for over a month and continuing to heal. It is a miracle. During my prayers I begged Jesus to heal me, not for myself but so I would not burden my wife and family. His response: "In due time." Not knowing how long that might be, whether days, weeks, months or years, but trusting in God's perfect trustworthiness tears rolled down my cheeks as I poured out my gratitude.
My message to those who read this is simple: trust in the Lord. God is real. He loves you. He wants you to know him. He wants you to be healthy and to be happy. He wants you to live without fear. He wants you to know overflowing joy. Turn to him. Pray to him, not because you fear damnation if you don't but because you deserve to know his infinite love and compassion now as has always been his desire for you.
Your kingdom come,
your will be done,
on earth as it is in heaven.
Matthew 6:10 ESV
your will be done,
on earth as it is in heaven.
Matthew 6:10 ESV
The above verse from The Lord's Prayer is not merely a plea for future action. It can be realized now, this very moment. Thank you for taking the time to read my testimony.
May God bless you.
Jason
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