Lostsheep888,This may not be a popular approach but I am a believer in tough love when it is needed and you sound like a candidate. Pull yourself up by your bootstraps and suck it up. You obviously know how to play on other's sympathy as you chose your name for that and have posted your personal problems online. Faithful Christians are full of compassion and you have been given plently of that. For the following message, I'm drawing on personal experience. I have been to the bottom of the bottom, to the black abyss of despair. In recent years passed, I literally almost grieved myself to death. The farthest thing from my mind,was to share my grief with the rest of the world. I could not eat and could barely move for weeks. The best thing that I did, was run to Father and He listened to my wailing. My faith remained strong and it drew me closer to Him as I knew that he was the only one who really knew my pain. It was a very deep time with Father that I will have with me always.The other action that I took was to be intelligent enough to ask for help medically. There comes a point in time where we humans are not mentally "wired" to sustain severe emotional shock. We are not able to endure them physically. Spiritually, yes. Humanly, no. If you are truly at that point, be wise enough to seek medical help and ask for an anti-depressant. That's what they're there for. Why suffer? God never wants us to suffer as He loves us and wants us to use the common sense He gave us. The medication may be needed temporarilly in some cases and long-term in others. We are each our own individual beings with specific needs.You seem as though you are functional on a daily basis and communicate well online. So, if you really are in that deep of distress, do something about it besides just talking online to strangers. Get help. This too, shall pass.Deuteronomy 30:19-20 I call heaven and earth to record this day against you, that I have set before you life and death, blessing and cursing: therefore choose life, that both thou and thy seed may live: 20 That thou mayest love the LORD thy God, and that thou mayest obey his voice, and that thou mayest cleave unto him: for he is thy life, and the length of thy days: