Life is not simple and when one feels he or she is a homosexual, then it is a tough road being a Christian since the bible says it is a sin. One can do a few things. Say God is not real, or say that God is real but just wrong in this area, or trust God and follow Him totally. You are the second one, I think. You are calling God a liar when you do this and you are making yourself God. You are saying that you know more than He does. You are saying, "I love you God but I don't want to follow you in this area because it is too hard. I don't want to go through hardships and struggle. I want what I want...." I have done this in different areas of my walk. For instance, in forgiveness... I did not want to forgive a person(s), even though God told me to forgive. I thought He was taking too long to dole out what I though was justice so I would do it myself by being unforgiving, mean and angry. I did not trust God to believe Him when He said in Romans 12 that I should never avenge myself for it is written, "Vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord" And guess what, I was a bitter, angry, mean person by not believing that. It ruined my life. A few years ago, I gave it up to God and let Him be God. It has changed my life. I am so much happier and free. I am not called to be the judge, jury and executioner.. That is Gods job and He is just! He is slow to anger but He does get angry. Galatians 6:1 Says....Brothers, if anyone is caught in any transgression, you who are spiritual should restore him in a spirit of gentleness. Keep watch on ourself, lest you too be tempted. Bear one another burdens, on so fulfill the law of Christ. That is what I am trying to do in love. Just because I tell you what God says about a sin doesn't mean I am judging or hating on you. Actually, it is the most unloving thing I could do is not tell you that you are doing wrong and just let you be in sin. He will be there for you if you let Him. Minute by minute He will be there with you. His way is best.