Hi, I am new here and for some reason it says that I can not post in the introduction section, so I thought I would just skip the intros and ask the question that is the reason I came to this forum in the first place.
Please excuse me if it is in the wrong section, but this seems to be the place.
Even though I have been a Christian since childhood, in some areas of my life, I still feel as if I am drinking milk. It's regarding my daughter. She is a young adult now, and is the love of my life. However I can not feel this intense sense of betrayal from her. I left her father when she was 6 months old when he confessed to me that he was a clinically diagnosed sociopath. He showed me his diagnosis paperwork, and his family even confirmed this to me.
Without going into a big long story, I will just say he then confessed to me alot of the things he had done in his past. Bad things. Evil things. He has even been under investigaion for murder which I feel in my spirit he commited. But being extremely intelligent, which is a characteristic of a sociopath, he covered his tracks well and got away with it. But loving him, I gave him the benefit of the doubt. I even stayed throughout all the beatings and affairs, for when I love, I love hard. It wasn't until he tried to kill me, that I finally left him. God Himself intervened for that one, and saved my life. He even let me hear His beautiful loving voice during the rescue, and if anything good has come out of this all, it is that. And the birth of my daughter.
When I told my ex that I was pregnant, he wanted me to have an abortion. When I told him that was murder he said that it was my problem then, and that he wanted no part of it. In essence, he was calling our beautiful gift of life an "it" and a "problem."
But since I left him when our daughter was 6 months, what's the problem now you may ask. Well, we will always be connected cause I met him when my brother married his sister. We will always be connected somehow, someway, due to the fact that my, and his family can not stay out of the situation. I raised my daughter to have nothing to do with him, due to the rapes he bragged to me about, and the fact that he had a 6 year incestuous relationship with his half sister. The two tried to sell the baby for drug money, but law enforcement intervened.
But when my daughter was 18, both families arranged a meeting of the two. Got away with child support now didn't he? But that's only the hurt talking, for I don't care about money.
He worked his spells of charm on both families and my daughter, as is characteristic of a sociopath, someone who does not have the ability to distinguish good from evil, and convinced them that I am the liar in all situations. I am now the crazy person, and he came out scott free.
I trained up my daughter in the ways of the Lord. She use to act so sweet. Went to church, did much charity work, and was just such a joy. Now she has done drugs like him, and just in general has a hardened way about her, just like him. Day and night....
I hear his words in her mouth now when she talks to me. Such disrespect. And why not, in her eyes, I am now the enemy, and he, her cool daddy.
I saw a shrink on tv once say that all ties to sociopaths should be broken for they are just too far gone, and will only cause chaos in your life. I believe this as well. So did my daughter til she met him. I had to see a shrink in real life because of it all, who told me just the oppisite. That it would be good for her to know him, after all, he's her daddy....I stopped seeing that shrink.
Yeah, a good thing. Look at the outcome. Lies, deception, disrespect, running towards sin, and much, much disrespect towards me cause I loved her enough to discipline her, whereas he has introduced her to a life of hedonism. She even now thinks incest is a "beautiful thing" when before the very thought repulsed her. From angel to .........
My daughter and I still talk. By phone or email cause she lives in another state now, but I can not shake this feeling it is all out of a sense of duty, and that she is much happier spending time with the 2 families. Ones that I am no longer a part of. For I had to distance myself from them for the sake of my sanity.
But I will NEVER distance myself from my daughter. No matter how much she pulls away. Like the father and the prodigal son, I will always keep my eye out on the horizon for her.
My question is this.
How do I deal with the utter utter utter feelings of betryal ?
I mean from my daughter, for I don't care about the two faimilies anymore. It was time to wipe my feet and move on.
I just need to now how to deal with the feelings of betrayal from my daughter. She and God are the only ones I love. For I now have serious trust issues due to abuse from all involved. (I was the victim of incest as well from both my father and my mother.)
It hurts so bad.
If this topic is in the wrong section will a mod please move it ?
God Bless You All
Laid Renard ~
) that tell me to cast him out of our lives in the name of Jesus.
