- Feb 23, 2012
- 11
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To start off, I was in spiritual warfare from Sept2011- Mid-April2012. Things got better. Throughout my battle, I had someone to talk to and get guidance from. I don't trust Him yet, so it felt nice to have someone to go to and lean on. However, I got extremely close and this person is no longer a part of my regular life. I haven't seen them since June and I'm hurting a lot because I miss them so much. I have contact info, but I feel like I annoy this person a lot and I keep finding myself thinking they are relieved that I'm no longer a part of their life. Anyhow, I'm just really lost. I'm afraid to get close to anyone and thus I have pushed myself away from everyone- including God. I'm always mad or crying or something like that. I've lost all interest in everything I used to enjoy and I'm not even motivated to do my work and stuff for college. I don't want to be alive and I don't see the purpose. I've been fighting thoughts of self-harm since the beginning of August and though I haven't give in, the pain is getting worse and worse. I feel ugly and overweight (I know I'm not) and I feel like... well a female dog. I have absolutely no one to talk to. I only trusted a couple of people- and one of them I'm no longer friends with. I just don't know what to do. I don't have anything to say to God at the moment. I used to listen to worship music and it would make me feel a lot better and give me hope. But now it does nothing for me. I just really hate who I am and who I've become. I'm really angry with God. I just don't know what to do.
Not sure if this was the right place to post this, but I need help.
Not sure if this was the right place to post this, but I need help.