I'm not quite sure what I should do?

[ALightbulb]

To start off, I was in spiritual warfare from Sept2011- Mid-April2012. Things got better. Throughout my battle, I had someone to talk to and get guidance from. I don't trust Him yet, so it felt nice to have someone to go to and lean on. However, I got extremely close and this person is no longer a part of my regular life. I haven't seen them since June and I'm hurting a lot because I miss them so much. I have contact info, but I feel like I annoy this person a lot and I keep finding myself thinking they are relieved that I'm no longer a part of their life. Anyhow, I'm just really lost. I'm afraid to get close to anyone and thus I have pushed myself away from everyone- including God. I'm always mad or crying or something like that. I've lost all interest in everything I used to enjoy and I'm not even motivated to do my work and stuff for college. I don't want to be alive and I don't see the purpose. I've been fighting thoughts of self-harm since the beginning of August and though I haven't give in, the pain is getting worse and worse. I feel ugly and overweight (I know I'm not) and I feel like... well a female dog. I have absolutely no one to talk to. I only trusted a couple of people- and one of them I'm no longer friends with. I just don't know what to do. I don't have anything to say to God at the moment. I used to listen to worship music and it would make me feel a lot better and give me hope. But now it does nothing for me. I just really hate who I am and who I've become. I'm really angry with God. I just don't know what to do.

Not sure if this was the right place to post this, but I need help.

 

[7angels]

i can see from your post that you have lost your hope. without hope there can be no faith. so in essence you have become like a punching bag the devil is hitting and you are absorbing all the punishment for any and everything that comes your way. this is not the way life is meant to be. you area more then a conquer which means there is nothing that can stand in your way except what you allow. i can also see that you have lost your value of yourself. in other words you have forgotten why you are special. until you realize that you have worth and that you are special you will just end up knocking yourself down further and further until everything seems to be going against you and nothing is going right. but there is a light at the end of the tunnel. nothing is to bad that God cannot fix it. are you willing to take the chance?

if you ever just want to talk about anything i am willing to be there for you. it matters little whether it is about your day, the weather or whatever.

God bless

 

[jburic09032]

I suggest calling your friend and telling him all about it. Im sure he will be happy to help you!

 

[Hollyrock]

I'm so sorry you're going through this. Have you considered counseling ? It has helped me alot. ((hugs))

 

[Arnie Manitoba]

First of all you need to get a hold of yourself. You have fallen into the common trap where women get all emotional about something and when it does not work out the way they thought it would they end up in an emotional mess.

For example ... if your friend came back tomorrow with kindness and understanding and flowers you would probably hit an emotional high and then be singing God's praises all over the place. You would feel like a queen again.

Right ?

But you must realize that the emotional high is what gets you into trouble in the first place , it sets you up for a fall into doom and gloom again.

Either you are running your life (and emotions) .... or someone else is. It looks at this point that someone else is. You let them.

Why do you allow that?

Does it help you or harm you?

You alone allow emotional harm to be done to you. I doubt very much if there is someone out there full time focusing on the state of your emotions. They are probably watching a football game and dont think about anything else.. men are bad for that sometimes.

I know my words are harsh , If I knew where you lived I would send you flowers and a box of chocolates and hope it cheers you up. Even we tough men get into the dumps sometimes. We men are not always sensitive enough to the tender emotions of girls. I'm sure you know that by now.

It is not always intentional .... WE JUST DON'T THINK ABOUT IT most of the time. It's a weakness that we have. Don't let it kick you around so much.

The only "man" you should completely trust is Jesus of course. Ask him to put you together with the perfect friend for you. Keep a bright outlook while you wait.

Best wishes.

Once you find someone who truly loves you for what you are , he will melt like warm chocolate in your hands and you can mold him to be even better. He will go to the flowershop , the chocolate shop , the jewelry store .... then probably to the altar or something. Couple of years later he's back to watching football

...... but he will still love you and still be near you.

 

[Angelina]

Hi honey!

To start off, I was in spiritual warfare from Sept2011- Mid-April2012. Things got better. Throughout my battle, I had someone to talk to and get guidance from. I don't trust Him yet, so it felt nice to have someone to go to and lean on. However, I got extremely close and this person is no longer a part of my regular life. I haven't seen them since June and I'm hurting a lot because I miss them so much. I have contact info, but I feel like I annoy this person a lot and I keep finding myself thinking they are relieved that I'm no longer a part of their life. Anyhow, I'm just really lost. I'm afraid to get close to anyone and thus I have pushed myself away from everyone- including God. I'm always mad or crying or something like that. I've lost all interest in everything I used to enjoy and I'm not even motivated to do my work and stuff for college. I don't want to be alive and I don't see the purpose. I've been fighting thoughts of self-harm since the beginning of August and though I haven't give in, the pain is getting worse and worse. I feel ugly and overweight (I know I'm not) and I feel like... well a female dog. I have absolutely no one to talk to. I only trusted a couple of people- and one of them I'm no longer friends with. I just don't know what to do. I don't have anything to say to God at the moment. I used to listen to worship music and it would make me feel a lot better and give me hope. But now it does nothing for me. I just really hate who I am and who I've become. I'm really angry with God. I just don't know what to do.

Not sure if this was the right place to post this, but I need help.

One of the tricks of the enemy is to get God's children isolated and you cannot function properly without the support of the body of believers. Especially in the situation that you have found yourself in right now. My suggestion is that you find a Church to be a part of and get some support through whatever home groups they provide and any other area that is available [Christian Counseling etc] I agree with you there Holly. ^_^

You are welcome to PM me if you need to chat or support of any kind. Some of my areas of ministry include; Spiritual Warfare, counseling and Deliverance...

Bless you!!!

 

[ALightbulb]

I went to a psychiatrist once and absolutely hated it- though she wasn't a Christian.

This person was the only adult I felt comfortable opening up to. I would try calling, but it is a teacher, and quite busy I'm sure since school just started. And I'm not sure if I can visit. I did send an e-mail but I doubt they would answer it and I just keep finding myself thinking they never cared in the first place. I just don't know what to do with myself. I know I need help, but the last place I want to go is to a professional. I just don't really have anyone to talk to. Saying stuff over the web helps a little bit, but I really need to TALK.

I'm really trying to find God in the midst of all this, but it's rather difficult. I know He's there and listening. I'm honestly quite mad at Him because He took everyone away. I know why He's doing this, but it's still not easy trying to go to Him. And I don't attend church regularly. I go to church sometimes, but we haven't found the right one, so I can't really talk to anyone if I went because I don't know anyone and I don't feel comfortable opening up to someone like that.

 

[jburic09032]

i sent you a message

 

[justaname]

Feel free to PM me. I want to make myself available to you in whatever facet I can.

 

[rand]

The bible tells us we need to establish ourselves in love. You tried to do that but not with Jesus, you tried doing it with another person. You identity will never come from another person, but only Christ. You need to find verses that speak to you about how much He loves you, and how valuable you are to Him. It's awesome to learn what He gave up for you, so that you could have relationship with Him--it was His only purpose for comoing to earth as a man. He loves you so much He carries your picture in HIs wallet, is praying for you constantly, He writes love poems to you--He dances when He thinks of you. He will never leave you. In those times you FEEL like no one cares, no one cares more than He does (not even you). Your feelings are wrong and you can't trust them--they lie often. He loves you more than you can possibly understand and that is ROCK SOLID TRUTH because He said so. Let God be true and every man be a liar. You feel the way you do because you are putting your trust in the wrong place. Trust God's word, but to do that you have to know what He said.

Spend time talking to him everyday. I don't mean in prayer like everyone thinks of prayer, I mean pull up a chair accross from yours and pretend He is sitting there for no other reason than to have a conversation with you. At first it will feel very weird doing so, but keep doing it. Tell Him how you're feeling and what you're thinking. and let Him tell you how He feels about you. Let Him tell you how much you mean to Him. It's awesome, you'll find youself doing it everyday, and looking forward to your time with Him. Youll even start telling others about your new found relationship and how they too can have that with Him. Try it, and get off that shakey ground and stand on the Rock.

 

[maccauk11]

Stop being so hard on yourself. Dont expect so much from yourself and others Concentrate on developing a loving relationship wiht Jesus. He will set you free. He will bring you comfort. Empty your burdens to him and you will feel his love upon you. Dont put your trust in humans friend. Christians pay a price for their belief and you need ot recognise it. He is waiting for you to draw near and trust him. Ther eis nothing greater thna the feeling of Gods lov eupon you. THe burdens you have you have carried around for years. THe church you go to will keep you enslaved to it. Go to him.

love

 

[ALightbulb]

I don't want to put my trust in others. I just don't know how to trust Him. I've been trying to, but I don't know what I'm doing wrong with it. I just don't get how to lean on Him and stuff. I want to keep Him at the center of my life, which I must say right now He isn't. But I'm working on it. I used to talk to Him all the time, but I haven't really gotten anywhere in my faith in the last couple of months. I don't know... Everything just sounds like excuses and I'm sure they are...

He loves you so much He carries your picture in HIs wallet, is praying for you constantly, He writes love poems to you--He dances when He thinks of you. - rand, thanks for posting this It really stuck out to me!