Jesus had parables, St. SteVen has parodies. - Coincidence? - LOL

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St. SteVen

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From the OP.

--- PARODY ---

Person #1: Receive the free gift of eternal life.
Person #2: No thanks.
Person #1: I said it was free.
Person #2: There must be some strings attached.
Person #1: Well, of course.
Person #2: It's not a free gift then, right?
Person #1: You had better take it... or else!
Person #2: Say what?
Person #1: Otherwise you will be incinerated!
Person #2: What sort of free gift is that?

Indeed.

]
 

MA2444

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From the OP.

--- PARODY ---

Person #1: Receive the free gift of eternal life.
Person #2: No thanks.
Person #1: I said it was free.
Person #2: There must be some strings attached.
Person #1: Well, of course.
Person #2: It's not a free gift then, right?
Person #1: You had better take it... or else!
Person #2: Say what?
Person #1: Otherwise you will be incinerated!
Person #2: What sort of free gift is that?

Indeed.

]

Here's another version, lol!

Person #1 Do it cost anything to join the U.S. Marines? I want to join them!
Person #2 Nope, it's totally free.
Person #1 Sounds easy!
Person #2 Are you kidding? That's USMC Training, it's hard!
Person #1 Sounds like a catch to me.
Person #2 What do you mean?
Person #1 Well if I don't like it I can just cancel my subscription then.
Person #2 You have to sign your name to it...
Person #1 Until I cancel my subscription, lol!
Person #2 No once you sign there isn't any canceling the subscription, they own you for Person #2 four years and you might die but you have access to all the good powerful Brothers in Christ , er I mean USMC, and your Boss will raise you from the dead if you die.

It's not much different. It is free to join the Service of the Lord, but you want to stay a buck private or at least make Sargent?
 

St. SteVen

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Here's another version, lol!

Person #1 Do it cost anything to join the U.S. Marines? I want to join them!
Person #2 Nope, it's totally free.
Person #1 Sounds easy!
Person #2 Are you kidding? That's USMC Training, it's hard!
Person #1 Sounds like a catch to me.
Person #2 What do you mean?
Person #1 Well if I don't like it I can just cancel my subscription then.
Person #2 You have to sign your name to it...
Person #1 Until I cancel my subscription, lol!
Person #2 No once you sign there isn't any canceling the subscription, they own you for Person #2 four years and you might die but you have access to all the good powerful Brothers in Christ , er I mean USMC, and your Boss will raise you from the dead if you die.

It's not much different. It is free to join the Service of the Lord, but you want to stay a buck private or at least make Sargent?
I think you have missed the point here. We present salvation as a free gift.
Is that true? Your example says, "No!"

[
 

MA2444

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I think you have missed the point here. We present salvation as a free gift.
Is that true? Your example says, "No!"

[

Oh, salvation is free alright, no problem there. But after our salvation we are to...build up our treasures in Heaven, right? That's the part that is not free. We know there is rank in heaven. Some will be called the least in heaven. Others will be the greatest. So by our actions on earth we make our station in Heaven.

If you join the Marines and you decide that you want to be a Marine Raider, then you got some more training to do than your buddies, lol. For to whom more is given, more is required of him. When you sign up, in a practical sense it is not free because you are about to be tested. And it is hard. And one either has the capacity to endure it or not. Some do some dont, some will some wont. Some guys think, hey, when the Raiders regiment gets in trouble who do they send to rescue them?

So marines or the Kingdom of God will weed out the weak ones. You either hang in there or you dont! If a guy is thinking hmm, maybe I should join the Marines, but if I dont like it what will be the best way for me to go AWOL at that point? I think those men should, check their pulse for they may be dead already. "It's not free" is code talk for, I dont want to help. What kind of man thinks that way?! So it will cost you, Blood, Sweat, and Tears. So what, what does that mean? It means I am alive, I am a man. I can help. I will do it.

I remember one time I was working for an Plumbing & Heating company that was a Carrier Dealer. And they had installed one of Carrier's top of the line units in a customers house and it working right. It was a 90%+ efficient furnace (and they can be tricky). They had sent 6 different guys out to this guys house to try to make the furnace work right, it keeps shutting down and it's been almost 3 weeks since it was installed and the customer is not happy! And they charged him thousands of dollars to install it!

Edward will you go over there and give it a try? I said, what makes you think I can fix it when your top tech's couldn't? I was getting pretty good with the 80% furnaces, but I wasnt taking calls for 90%'ers because I wasnt that good yet....He said, I dont know Ed just go try, a different set of eyes, maybe they missed something? So I said ok but I wasnt feeling very confident. So I went over and took the cover off and turned it on so it'd fire up and I watched it fire up. The electronic ignitor is on one side of the burners and the flame sensor is on the other side. Three burners lit and it paused. It had two more burners to light and they werent lighting, then they did light but it was just as the machine shut it down. It only gets 5 or 7 seconds to prove the flame or it shuts down. I pulled out the 4th burner that didnt light and the gas carryover slot was pinched shut and interfered with gas flow and burner ignition. I had it diagnosed in about 30 seconds and repaired in less than 5 minutes! (I got lucky!)

I went back upstairs to the customer and he is steaming mad and asking me about having the unit taken back out and refunded and stuff and I'm like whoa, it's fixed....And he said you werent down there long enough to fix it! It didnt take long to show him and that guy was so elated! He was in awe of me and saw me as some sort of superman tech, lol. Because 6 guys couldnt make it work and I fixed it instantly. I saved the guy from his discomfort. I saved the company from their embarrassment and from having to give a refund and pay men to go uninstall it! I got a big atta boy back at the shop but no bonus, no raise, I got my paycheck for the hours. And so what? I am a Technician, that's what we do. So I only performed my Duties as a Tech like I knew would be expected of me when I signed on with the company. I didnt expect to get hired and then not have to do anything. Oh you would have to pay me above my salary to actually go fix something....Lol! What kind of man is that? I could have told them no I wont go out on a 90% furnace call, I can't do it....If I had said that to them they would be right to fire me.

I made thier top six supertech's who supposedly know everything look dumb. And I was low man on the totem pole! How did I make them look dumb? By doing my duty. I said send me I'll go.

Now I'm not Moses and I'm not David who slew Goliath, but! Neither were they at the time! Moses had over a half million people with him and their backs against a wall of water? How much confidence did he have in that moment? How much confidence did little shepherd boy David have when he first walked onto the field with Goliath?

It's the same situation. David said, I'll go...and he got lucky, but it was more than luck. So it's sort of ludicrous to say, of salvation isnt free. Yes you have to get up off the couch, you would have a duty to say send me, I'll go. And you might face a giant or something you never seen before. But if our actions determine our (fruit) station in Heaven then for those who did less compared with those who did more, one may have a shack on the outskirts of town and the other has a mansion in the center of town?

I used to jump at the chance to cover things for guys. I'll be on call this weekend so you can go do whatever with your family or whatever they had going on or sick or something. It happens. But I liked tinkering with furnaces and desired to be a top tech so I never turned them down when they asked me for extra duty. I made top tech too eventually. I've had two people call me a Master at my trade. That felt good. I aint no Master in the Kingdom of God yet, but the time to work for it is now, while there is time. Extra duty is available in the Kingdom of God. It's money in the bank Brother!

You ever heard of the night watches? You hear them talking about it on old Westerns. Go to sleep, I'll take first watch...like that. There's four watches of the night. 1st watch is from 6pm until 9pm, 2nd watch 9-12, 3rd watch 12-3, 4th watch 3-6, then the sun comes up.

I heard about the watchers in scripture somewhere and so figure there is night watches the Kingdom of God too. Same times during the night. I've actually prayed before would He use me during the night watches. Apparently I aint quite good enough for the night watches yet, lol. Unless he has used me and just isnt letting me remember it?! Because I have a big mouth? I prolly would talk about it. Lol.
 

MA2444

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Moses and David did not have the rank we give them now when they were performing their service to God. That came later. But since they did rise to the occasion and made an effort, they accidently got them a big promotion later on.

For a guy to say well it isnt free because the duty was very hard goes against what being a man is, doesnt it? I think it does. Don't all men like to learn more?

Nah I'm good where I'm at...??? Whoa! check your pulse!
 

St. SteVen

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Oh, salvation is free alright, no problem there. But after our salvation we are to...build up our treasures in Heaven, right? That's the part that is not free. We know there is rank in heaven. Some will be called the least in heaven. Others will be the greatest. So by our actions on earth we make our station in Heaven.
But?
That proves my point. You claim it is free, BUT...
That's a BIG but. (let me know if you need a visual) - LOL

[
 
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MA2444

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But?
That proves my point. You claim it is free, BUT...
That's a BIG but. (let me know if you need a visual) - LOL

[

So it is free but you will have a duty to perform. Now you can skate by and only learn mess hall duties and that's prolly as easy as it gets. Prolly never see combat either because when an attack happens they dont say send for the cook!

And a cook is needed people need to eat and when the wars over He gets some nice cooks quarters but the guy who was willing to go the extra mile had higher honors than the cook.

What we do now on earth determines what life we will have in Heaven. I dont want to be called the least in heaven, do you? So you have to get up early and go train or foght hard. So what? That doesnt cost me anything and I'm glad to be able to help. Send me.

You can't relate having to put forth effort as a cost or you are being short sighted.
 

St. SteVen

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You can't relate having to put forth effort as a cost or you are being short sighted.
Any effort on my part means it's not free.

Spiritual Extortion - The threat of consequence for refusing the "Free Gift" of salvation

The consequences. ??? - If you refuse the "Free Gift" of salvation - If you walk away from the church - If you question the church - If you are not "faithful" until the end (whatever that means) --- PARODY --- Person #1: Receive the free gift of eternal life. Person #2: No thanks. Person...

Is the "free gift" of salvation really free? - Honestly?

...reading and prayer. - Regular church attendance and tithing. - Sharing the Gospel. - Discipling others. - Good works. So much for a free gift. It's a free gift... it will cost you everything. To anyone who may be insulted by this post, consider this... Jesus said to count the cost, to...

[
 

St. SteVen

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Imagine a sign on a store window:

FREE JOBS
Apply within

A free job? What does that mean?

[
 

Ritajanice

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Imagine a sign on a store window:

FREE JOBS
Apply within

A free job? What does that mean?

[
Don’t expect to get paid for the job....I won’t be applying.

Or, it could mean, free jobs, job lots..lol.

Another idea...free jobs could mean...handyman will do the job for free..or come in and do your job for free, no charge.for using the building to do their job.
 
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MA2444

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If you have a duty to perform, it is not free.

Could you still have it if you refuse to perform the duty?



Yes but you get a shack to live in instead of a four wing mansion.
If you want a bigger shack you have to work for it.

So I see you've never been in the military service either. Or else I believe you would have a different perspective.
 

St. SteVen

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Imagine a sign on a store window:

FREE JOBS
Apply within

A free job? What does that mean?

[
--- PARODY ---

Job seeker: I saw your sign for FREE JOBS
Store Manager: Yes. Glad you stopped in.
Job seeker: I have a question.
Store Manager: Go ahead.
Job seeker: How can it be a free job?
Store Manager: It will cost you nothing to apply.
Job seeker: Who pays for a job?
Store Manager: It means there is no application fee.
Job seeker: Are there other expectations?
Store Manager: There are job requirements.
Job seeker: It's not a free job then, right?
Store Manager: It will cost you nothing.
Job seeker: If I have an obligation, then it's not free.
Store Manager: We can't give you a job with no obligation.
Job seeker: That's my point, it's not free.

[
 

MA2444

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Any effort on my part means it's not free.

Spiritual Extortion - The threat of consequence for refusing the "Free Gift" of salvation

The consequences. ??? - If you refuse the "Free Gift" of salvation - If you walk away from the church - If you question the church - If you are not "faithful" until the end (whatever that means) --- PARODY --- Person #1: Receive the free gift of eternal life. Person #2: No thanks. Person...

Is the "free gift" of salvation really free? - Honestly?

...reading and prayer. - Regular church attendance and tithing. - Sharing the Gospel. - Discipling others. - Good works. So much for a free gift. It's a free gift... it will cost you everything. To anyone who may be insulted by this post, consider this... Jesus said to count the cost, to...

[

I'm sorry brother but you come across as a extremely lazy guy.
 

St. SteVen

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So I see you've never been in the military service either. Or else I believe you would have a different perspective.
A person doesn't have to be in the military to understand that anything you work for isn't free.

However, Christians seem to struggle with the concept. Not sure why. (wait, I know exactly why) - LOL

[
 
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MA2444

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Don’t expect to get paid for the job....I won’t be applying.

Or, it could mean, free jobs, job lots..lol.

Another idea...free jobs could mean...handyman will do the job for free..or come in and do your job for free, no charge.for using the building to do their job.

It could mean no application fee or no certified referral from a Job Placement Counselor or something weird like that? I never needed anything of the sort to get a job! I was smart enough to not even look in the newspaper for a job. WHo cares who's hiring, where's the Phone Book, yellow pages...Hmmm

Are you hiring?
No.
Got any slackers that you've been thinking about replacing?
Actually, yes we do!

I work hard and I learn fast and stand behind my work. If it isnt done right, I'll go back on my own time for free and fix it.
Come fill out an application!

And I got the job and they stuck me with the slacker who I wound up replacing! I can be a better tech than he was easy. That's who I am and how I roll. I didnt start whining about how much does the slacker make per hour? I have to make more than he does or I wot take the Job...that sounds stupid. I dont even really care about my rewards in heaven! What good is a room full of treasure? It just sits there. So I dont work for the rewards, I work for positioning and to please my Boss! Who wants to be an unprofitable servant?
 

MA2444

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That's the stupidest thing you could say to me.

[

Haven't you ever volunteered to help out with something for free? I've never helped out at the soup kitchen but when I was in Business all of us Contractors would donate our time and expertise to help the local poor. They say have your furnace checked once a year. Safety check, clean and maintenance. Not everybody can afford to hire a company once a year to do that. So they made the idea of a Warm Wheels drive to help these people. Us with companies supplied the labor, and Johnstone Supply said if any parts are needed they're free for those calls! It was said if any cracked heat exchangers are found and the unit needs replaced that the city would pick up that tab. SO everyone was in on it and we just worked until there was no more.

I found two cracked heat exchangers and called up the city to drop that in their lap and they bout pooped their pants! I installed both of the those units for free. and they grumbled at me for being so efficient, lol! It was pretty funny. They even got a 2nd opinion on the 2nd one, and he saw the crack too so they did replace it. Being able to help our community out because we are all in this together is it's own reward. It cost me gas money, Insurance money, tool overhead. SO what? I live here too and I will help. Send me.

That little old lady who lives next door to St Steve: My tire is flat on my car!
Steven: I'll change it if you pay me!

I dont think I could do that to my neighbor. I didnt in fact. My neighbor lady left her lights on in the car and I noticed she was out there trying to start it and it was weak, so I just drove over there and jumped it for her. I didnt try to charge her! If she would have went back in her house and called for help that type of call may cost her 50 bucks easy, maybe 100. That takes food off the plate for those people. I saved her money and that's enough for me! I like helping people.

I was a hair's breadth away from having a law enforcement career. I even went through the training and graduated 3rd overall out of about 30-35 students. Taining was done. All I had to do then is go down and get sworn in. But it was at that exat time that I discovered, I have skills. So I never showed up at the cop shop, I bought some tools and went in business instead. It worked out much better for me because I like helping people and if I had been a cop I might be a punk by now, lol.
 

St. SteVen

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--- PARODY ---

God: Welcome to the afterlife.
Person: Who are you?
God: I created you for my own purposes.
Person: Like what?
God: For destruction.
Person: What does that mean?
God: You will be annihilated.
Person: Why?
God: It was my choice for you.
Person: What did I do to deserve this?
God: You were born a sinner.
Person: Not by my choice.
God: Right. By my choice.
Person: Was that fair?
God: It doesn't matter. You can't stop me.
Person: Who did you say you were again?
You sound more like the Devil than God.

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