The answer for you is the same as for anyone else: humility. This is a hard road especially for someone who really in some things has some apparent advantages over others around him and is unable to admit how limited he really is. Because of your apparent gifts you may understand why Jesus spoke as he did in the verse I quoted. People do like to be better than others, or at least to be seen as better by others. It would be an extremely unusual man who did not. It would take a very unusual man to knowingly humble himself as Jesus did. I think you can also understand that.
"Let nothing be done through selfish ambition or conceit, but in lowliness of mind let each esteem others better than himself." Phil 2:3
Jesus, the man of flesh with temptations/attractions the same as each of us [Heb 4:15] resisted the way of suffering and death which was before him:
"And he went a little farther, and fell on his face, and prayed, saying, O my Father, if it be possible, let this cup pass from me: nevertheless not as I will, but as thou wilt." Matt 26:39
We see the temptations of flesh like unto our own working in him yet... after repeating the above words or prayer or supplication to his Father three times he did go on to the cross. In another place he confirms that he did not have to do what he did:
"No man taketh it from me, but I lay it down of myself. I have power to lay it down, and I have power to take it again. This commandment have I received of my Father." John 10:18
You say you cannot embrace him as your God because of where or what you see yourself as being compared to him. Does humility count in your understanding? I understand that you may not believe as I and others here do, but consider the humility presented in the gospel story. Consider here how Jesus answers Pontius Pilate, the Roman Governor:
"Then saith Pilate unto him, Speakest thou not unto me? knowest thou not that I have power to crucify thee, and have power to release thee?
Jesus answered, Thou couldest have no power at all against me, except it were given thee from above: therefore he that delivered me unto thee hath the greater sin." John 19:10-11
The story of a man really doing that, never mind all of the stories of miraculous healings, does catch one's attention. Even if you don't believe it happened as it was written, the whole idea is rather amazing, is it not? You have your own "pipe dream", as I named it, but here is something, which if true, is certainly greater than your dream. Jesus himself spoke of even "greater works" than those he had done being done by those who believed on him.
I called your dream, a "pipe dream" because even if you were absolutely sincere and were to put into it all that you have to attain your goal, men would prevent it. That is the way of men. They also thought that they prevented the purposes of Jesus, but they had no idea that God was for the opposition.
On my side, along with those who also believe in what Jesus said, it is not me alone, for Jesus also said that for men it is "impossible" while "with God all things are possible" [Mark 10:27].
You have faith in yourself to work toward your impossible goal. You are student enough of history to know that you are not the first one to try to really improve the society of men for all men by their own efforts. It has not succeeded before even though some of those men were likely as able as you. Too many people are on the other side and I am Not talking about followers of Jesus!
What I am saying to you is that there really is a better way which begins with humility and, yes, faith. You do have faith, but is as I see it, misplaced or misdirected. You may be able to succeed in the eyes of men in some things, but you will never attain fully to making your stated dream into a reality. You could attain however to the greater works of which Jesus spoke, but for you it would mean starting at the very beginning.