Lethal dose of fentanyl

[Gospel Believer]

I’m broken. Shortly after I woke up, I posted here and wrote about how hopeless I feel over having my life ruined. I want God to permanently end the abuse so I can have a normal life, not just waste away collecting welfare checks and being idle all day and suffering terror. I pray every day for God to make it stop permanently, but he never does. He won’t even speak to me!

Even though I expressed the desire not to live anymore (and I’m serious about it) and begged and begged and begged God to at least speak to me, he still hasn’t said a word. I haven’t heard anything from him. He won’t talk to me!

If God at least spoke to me and told me he will end my torture so I can live a normal life, maybe telling me when he will finally listen to me, then maybe I wouldn’t be as suicidal. But he won’t. He says nothing to me. He ignores me because I must be worthless to him. So because God won’t say anything to me, then for sure I’m going to get my hands on some fentanyl as soon as I have the money, and I’m taking a lethal overdose because of God’s refusal to permanently end the torture so I can live a normal life, as well as his refusal to even speak to me about it.

God speaks through His Word.......open your Bible and ask God to lead you to the verses that you need to see in this time of crisis.....abandon your delusional hopes that the Heavens are going to part and an Angel is going to give you some kind of Special Message....

Everything you need to see and hear is in His Book.....At this point you at least have one thing right——You Indeed are “ Not Worthy” Of Anything in the eyes of God! There is “ Good News” for you however ! Turn to God as the Lost Sinner That you are and put your Trust in Jesus to Save you....If done sincerely, God will give you the Gift Of His Holy Spirit and as a “ New Creation” you will possess a “New Heart” ....You will Never Be “ Worthy” Of Anything other than your Damnation.....You can be “ MADE” Worthy by asking Jesus to Save you ....( “ Anybody that ASKS to be Saved WILL be Saved)......Once you become “ Born Again” by Trusting Jesus to Save you, your thoughts of suicide may well subside—- I would bet on it......

 

[Ezra]

If God at least spoke to me and told me he will end my torture so I can live a normal life,

what makes you think he hasn't? threatening to do your self in not going to pursued GOD . so why are you listening to the devil ? his message is take the dope do your self in. what about people dyeing of cancer not getting the healing they asked for? are you any better than them. some things you just got to do what you got to do to survive. everyone of us has something there dealing with. gird up your loins

1 Peter 1:13

King James Version

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13 Wherefore gird up the loins of your mind, be sober, and hope to the end for the grace that is to be brought unto you at the revelation of Jesus Christ;.

does this say give up take dope end it all. God says Come unto me all you that labor and are heavy laden . the apostle paul had a thorn in the flesh

2 Corinthians 12

New International Version

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Paul’s Vision and His Thorn​

12 I must go on boasting. Although there is nothing to be gained, I will go on to visions and revelations from the Lord. 2 I know a man in Christ who fourteen years ago was caught up to the third heaven. Whether it was in the body or out of the body I do not know—God knows. 3 And I know that this man—whether in the body or apart from the body I do not know, but God knows— 4 was caught up to paradise and heard inexpressible things, things that no one is permitted to tell. 5 I will boast about a man like that, but I will not boast about myself, except about my weaknesses. 6 Even if I should choose to boast, I would not be a fool, because I would be speaking the truth. But I refrain, so no one will think more of me than is warranted by what I do or say, 7 or because of these surpassingly great revelations. Therefore, in order to keep me from becoming conceited, I was given a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me. 8 Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. 9 But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. 10 That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

so you take the dope end it all ..what about your families your friends ? then what ? the devil is bombing you from all sides and your listening to Him . have you tried reach out to a pastor ..

I’m taking a lethal overdose because of God’s refusal to permanently end the torture so I can live a normal life, as well as his refusal to even speak to me about it.

your holding God hostage ? what is it exactly your asking him to do?

 

[Adam]

There are people who have spent their entire lives fasting weekly, praying daily, living righteously on the promise of the gospel alone without witnessing a single miracle. There are people who were martyred and tortured to death on the promise alone. Don't you think that if standing on a cliff and threatening God could get God to appear, we'd have an entire monastic tradition based around doing this by now?

God is the creator of the universe, you have to accept that His will is His will alone. Sometimes you pray for something and don't get the answer you want. Sometimes you get no answer at all. Sometimes you realize you are just talking to yourself and giving yourself stupid answers. Yet the will of God exists in everything. Calm down, accept that you are not in control of the ship, let God guide it. The universe is working in your favor, you just don't understand how yet. In 10 years you might have perspective but right now you are too caught up in emotion to think clearly.

 

[Adam]

I would also like to ask - what brought this sense of sudden desperation on?

Given the vagueness of the situation you're in, I can only offer vague advice. If something is troubling you - let it go.

A man is born into this world with nothing, you only have what is given to you by the kindness of others. You don't really own anything, and all that you do have is given to you by God. You could claim you own your own body, but even that can get sick or die, so all we have is given to us for a short while.

While we are on this Earth we seek mainly this: the elevation of our mental state. We seek contentment. So we make arrangements with other people and with objects that we think will elevate our mental state. Yet the desire for these arrangements becomes overriding and blinds us, we no longer seek contentment, but we just seek control over objects or people - things which cannot belong to us forever.

So the things that are degrading your mental state, leave them behind. Seek the good, it doesn't come from money or women, it comes from simple things that nobody can take away from you.

 

[Good Ship]

There isn’t any point in living anymore. God hates me so much that he won’t even talk to me. I pray to God every single day and ask him to make the torture stop, and every time he refuses. It gets worse: He won’t even talk to me about it.

The abuse is so bad that I can’t even sleep in my own bed. My life is completely ruined because God won’t end the sexual abuse, physical abuse, and torture, and he is so indifferent about me getting raped, assaulted, and tortured, and having my life ruined that he doesn’t care enough to talk to me about it.

There is a part in the Gospels where Jesus says that not even bad people will give someone a rock to eat if they ask for food, so how much greater are God’s gifts for Christians. But God won’t even give me the gift of life because he will take my life: I’m going to kill myself because of him. Yet God is so indifferent about inciting my suicide that he refuses to talk to me about it.

I’m tired of God putting me off. He won’t be able to delay talking to me when the start of January comes. I can’t work because God won’t end the abuse; it has ruined my life, but I will have money in a couple weeks. I will use it to buy fentanyl and take a lethal dose if God doesn’t talk to me and end the horrible abuse I have to go through every day.

I honestly don’t want to wait another two weeks to die. I would rather it happen now.

 

[Good Ship]

I will do whatever God wants me to do for him to act and end the torture, assaults, and rapes, and ensure my suffering permanently stops. I will do anything.

But what exactly does God want from me? I’ve been trying hard not to sin. It’s been onerous, to say the least. I will go through the day scrutinizing every thought and action, stressing myself to make sure it isn’t sinful. I figure that if walk on shells and don’t sin, no matter how hard it is, then God will be pleased and permanently end the abuse so that I no longer suffer. But each day nothing changes—it never does.

Maybe harming my mental health trying not to sin isn’t the answer. If it isn’t then I want to know what the answer is. What must I do to get God to act and permanently end the suffering?

There is a big problem, though. It’s that I can’t get God to talk to me. I’ll do whatever God wants me to do so that the suffering comes to a permanent end, but how can I know what to do if God doesn’t speak to me and tell me the answer? Please: Everyone pray and get God to talk to me about it (assuming there is something I have to do, whatever that is). I’m going to die in two weeks if God doesn’t answer.

 

[Lambano]

Day 23 of the hostage crisis...

Look, I don't think the entity you've been negotiating terms with is God, and I don't want to see you get hurt. I'm praying you get some help.

 

[Mr E]

I will do whatever God wants me to do for him to act and end the torture, assaults, and rapes, and ensure my suffering permanently stops. I will do anything.

But what exactly does God want from me? I’ve been trying hard not to sin. It’s been onerous, to say the least. I will go through the day scrutinizing every thought and action, stressing myself to make sure it isn’t sinful. I figure that if walk on shells and don’t sin, no matter how hard it is, then God will be pleased and permanently end the abuse so that I no longer suffer. But each day nothing changes—it never does.

Maybe harming my mental health trying not to sin isn’t the answer. If it isn’t then I want to know what the answer is. What must I do to get God to act and permanently end the suffering?

There is a big problem, though. It’s that I can’t get God to talk to me. I’ll do whatever God wants me to do so that the suffering comes to a permanent end, but how can I know what to do if God doesn’t speak to me and tell me the answer? Please: Everyone pray and get God to talk to me about it (assuming there is something I have to do, whatever that is). I’m going to die in two weeks if God doesn’t answer.

You’ve got the wrong ideas about God. Maybe you’ve just got the wrong god, trading our Father for some image of Him you’ve established in your head.

God is speaking to you daily— you are just ignoring Him. So many people (and I’ve done this myself so many times) cry out to God— ‘Help me! Save me! Talk to me!’ -and so on… not realizing that those Spirit-led people all around them are His hands and feet, His voice, His messengers and help-mates.

They refuse the help of family, friends, medical doctors, social programs and strangers alike, all because they are waiting to hear from “God” and for Him to “help” them.

If you want to hear from God, consider the idea that maybe you just did. Go “get” some help and stop demanding of Him things you won’t even do for yourself.

There are many here praying for you.

 

[Adam]

I will do whatever God wants me to do for him to act and end the torture, assaults, and rapes, and ensure my suffering permanently stops.

If it is this bad, where rapes and assaults are occurring, CALL THE POLICE.

 

[Good Ship]

I don’t understand it. God made a dream last night. At least according to how I interpreted it, he told me I should be purified by extreme suffering. How does this make any sense? I am a Christian who believes Jesus is my savior; and because Jesus is my savior, I am redeemed from my sins. It’s because of Christ that I am holy and don’t have to be tortured to be pure from the taint of sin.

I’m so tired of the extreme suffering. I want freedom from the abuse so I can live a normal, successful life. I’m so tired of being idle all day, asking God every night to make the torture stop only to be told no every time.

Assuming the worst and God isn’t going to change his opinion, then at what point am I “pure” enough through torture that I can be free from it and have a normal life where I’m not abused every day? Haven’t I already suffered enough? It’s been over a decade of this, and I don’t see any end in sight. When will it end? God won’t tell me.

 

[Adam]

Read the book of Job.

If you want the cliff-notes (pardon me if I get some details wrong, this synopsis is from wit): God was proud of Job and wanted to make him into a saint. The Devil was allowed to test him. Job lost everything, and became plagued, all his loved ones told him he would be better off dead, that is faith was foolish, or that he must have done something horrible he wasn't telling anyone which he was being rightly punished for. Nobody was comforting him, but rather, everyone was antagonizing him. He had no hope except to die alone and in pain and cast out. So he began to lament, curse the day I was born, I was created only to suffer. But at last realized, God is greater than him, so whatever he suffered, he would have to accept it, because he does not know the will of God, but only that God's will is greater than his own. Having come to accept this, God appeared to Job to praise him, then restored to Job all the things he lost and made his loved ones repent for their mistreatment of him.

 

[Rockerduck]

Jesus says to give Him your burdens. Cry out to Jesus to Help you. Submit to His saving power.

 

[-Phil]

@Good Ship
Definitly don’t buy fentanyl and or kill yourself. You’re going through a tough time but the sun will come out. Don’t make decisions when you’re not feeling your best.

Are you being tortured and abused by someone, or are you saying the existential suffering is torture & abuse?

Do you have someone you can talk to openly and express whatever’s on your mind?

 

[Good Ship]

I will have money tomorrow, and the first thing I will do is get a hold of some fentanyl. It’s very easy to get. And you know what? I’m not afraid to take my own life—all because God won’t answer me.

I’m so sick and tired of the abuse I have to go through, which happens day and night. God will not end it. Instead he continues to judge me for stupid things that don’t concern him. God will not judge my tormentors. On the other hand, God judges me for doing things to cope with the abuse, and then he says my abusers will get away with their abuse because I did something to cope with it. But really, the coping things are mainly for God’s refusal to end it.

When I woke up this morning, I told God he better answer for his extremely unfair conduct towards me or else I am taking my own life. I will do it. Again, it’s super easy to get fentanyl, and I’m fed up with God’s unsympathetic conduct towards me to such an extent that I will take a lethal overdose unless he answers me.

 

[-Phil]

@Good Ship
What’s your favorite movie?

 

[Good Ship]

God is not responding to me. I’m still getting raped, abused, bullied, and tortured every day and night. God won’t judge my tormentors for getting away with their crimes against me, but he sure does judge me for doing harmless little things to cope with his refusal to help me. Should I have some alcohol or take an extra ADD pill to ease the pain of my suffering, God tells me it’s such an atrocious thing that I should get raped, assaulted, and have my life completely ruined. What kind of sick thing is that to say to a Christian? Why judge me for trying to ease the pain of getting raped and tortured, but not judge my tormentors? God won’t answer, so I’m taking my life at the soonest time possible.

I will have money tomorrow. The first thing I will do is get some fentanyl and take a lethal dose right away. For me not to kill myself, all God would have to do is stop the abuse permanently. Instead he tells me what a terrible person I am for “sinning” by trying to cope with the rape and torture by having some alcohol or an extra ADD pill. What about the sins of my tormentors? Why does God think my so-called sins are so bad when they aren’t, but rape and torturing a Christian is okay so long as I’m not perfect? God better answer me, or I’m killing myself.

 

[Adam]

God is not responding to me. I’m still getting raped, abused, bullied, and tortured every day and night. God won’t judge my tormentors for getting away with their crimes against me, but he sure does judge me for doing harmless little things to cope with his refusal to help me. Should I have some alcohol or take an extra ADD pill to ease the pain of my suffering, God tells me it’s such an atrocious thing that I should get raped, assaulted, and have my life completely ruined. What kind of sick thing is that to say to a Christian? Why judge me for trying to ease the pain of getting raped and tortured, but not judge my tormentors? God won’t answer, so I’m taking my life at the soonest time possible.

I will have money tomorrow. The first thing I will do is get some fentanyl and take a lethal dose right away. For me not to kill myself, all God would have to do is stop the abuse permanently. Instead he tells me what a terrible person I am for “sinning” by trying to cope with the rape and torture by having some alcohol or an extra ADD pill. What about the sins of my tormentors? Why does God think my so-called sins are so bad when they aren’t, but rape and torturing a Christian is okay so long as I’m not perfect? God better answer me, or I’m killing myself.

This doesn't sound like God, it sounds like you have demons tormenting you.

Matthew 7:18​

“A good tree cannot bring forth evil fruit, neither can a corrupt tree bring forth good fruit.”

God brings peace, joy, benevolence, acceptance. Anything that brings love comes from God and is good. Anything that brings thoughts of chaos, confusion, harm, anguish and hate are not from God. All your cursing at God has just made you a target for demons. They are toying with you by pretending to be God, but really, these are beings that also curse at God and they want you to think like they do and be drawn into hell with them. So stop speaking to these things, contemplate for a moment, think about the things in life you appreciate, and thank God for these things. Speak to God with love in your heart. That is how you must pray if you want a real answer and not demonic taunting.

 

[-Phil]

@Good Ship
It really sounds like you’re confusing thoughts, and how some thoughts feel, with God.
It is very possible to bring clarity to this, and bring an end to the suffering.
I’m happy to chat together if you’re interested.

 

[Good Ship]

God better take my threats seriously. As soon as tomorrow comes, I am getting fentanyl and killing myself with a lethal overdose if God continues to put me off for longer. There isn’t any end in sight: The abuse continues unabated; it never goes away. I’m taking my life unless God permanently ends it and gets rid of my tormentors permanently. I will not tolerate living anymore. There isn’t any point of being alive if all I do is suffer because of God.

 

[Mantis]

God better take my threats seriously. As soon as tomorrow comes, I am getting fentanyl and killing myself with a lethal overdose if God continues to put me off for longer. There isn’t any end in sight: The abuse continues unabated; it never goes away. I’m taking my life unless God permanently ends it and gets rid of my tormentors permanently. I will not tolerate living anymore. There isn’t any point of being alive if all I do is suffer because of God.

Are you still with us? I hate viewing posts like this.