Yeah, I agree with this, but that isn't to say that I understand Christianity, either.
I think we are constantly being attacked to confuse us. I learned that I have to remind myself every single day sometimes more than once-- what the
true gospel is. The enemy seeks to throw us off course, and devour us.
I used to do everything I was convicted to do, believing I'd go to hell if I didn't obey, and, once, after I had gone to preach on the corner of the street (I was convicted to do so), God told me I was trying to save myself, and I affirmed that, yes, I was trying to save myself, and I didn't understand what was wrong with that. He showed me He wants me to serve completely out of love, not any fear, but I asked why I would serve Him if I wasn't afraid at all, and He said "love". To this day, +20 years later, I can't imagine serving God 100% out of love. I don't see that in Scripture. I see threats in Scripture. I don't know any words that would inspire me to serve 100% out of love.
I recall having this discussion before GP. It's a daily battle and I hear you- but you know that you can not save yourself don't you? It's just not possible. So try to get that part squared away and place it firmly in your heart and fight to keep it there always. That is THE place the enemy goes for- the very heart of truth. --We are saved by grace. NOT by works. Our works come from that faith in God's love.
I am the opposite of you- I recall you saying before- that you can't serve God out of love. That is so sad to me and is
the problem.
Let's talk about this.. it's key.
I had many many sins- so maybe it's easier for me to love since I have been forgiven so much. Idk about you..? When you realized that you were a sinner and did things all of your life contrary to God's will for us- in total rebellion to Him-- you knew deep inside what you were doing was wrong but didn't care, right? That's how I was. I did what I wanted to do and how I wanted to do it.. I gave no real thought to my maker. I was having fun, or so I thought..
BUT there came a time when I was convicted of my sins and had regrets and came face to face with the idea that I had been rebelling from all that I knew was good. I did not know that Jesus died to pay for my sins. I was raised a JW- I thought when I died- that was how my sins were paid for.. and I would be resurrected on the account
that I died , so i would be resurrected with no sins. That was what Jesus died to make a way for me to do.. From there I had to earn my way through 1000 yr judgment obeying new rules on earth in my mortal sinful flesh in order to qualify for life... Do you wonder why I had no love for God??? I lived constantly under threats and never could do enough, and never had a lick of assurance. That God was hawking every move I made just waiting to squash me! I couldn't love him. That's the enemy!
BUT when I read my bible after praying to God for HIs truth and put down my JW watchtower magazines-- I began to see- I saw that I could never earn salvation- that Jesus died to pay for my sins! YES, He loves us that much. My physical death could not pay my sin debt--like I was told- but
wages of sins is death-- means we get what we deserve if we remain in sins- but the GIFT is Jesus. it's not a paying for ours sins to be sinless!! How insane.
So I saw Jesus taking beatings and whipped and mocked, plucked out his beard - torturing him- hanging on that cross, bloody and suffering horribly FOR ME-
for my sins- the sinless paying my debt? The innocent lamb would love me enough to do that for me?
How could I not love HIM for that? How is it possible to not return love for that incredible selfless LOVE?
I used to see threats- I no longer do. I used to Jesus as a hard and demanding man. I no longer do. The cross changed all of that.
What I see is Him saying, I love you enough to suffer and die for you---- you were dead in your sins with no hope- but I am your HOPE. You were lost but now you are found. Follow me, and I will give you rest. For I am full of mercy and grace...
THAT is the One I want to follow!!!
You sound like an abused wife who wants to be beaten.. what is that about? The fear of God is a healthy fear- a deep respect- he created us and everything we see and things we don't see. Fear of punishment is not an incentive for me to follow Jesus. Never.
I am not understanding you GP. Why do you need God to make you feel awful and afraid? I can't follow a God like that.
That's when I rebelled at how awful he is... I had a real life dad like that- couldn't please him, very critical of everything- very angry-- while I respected him, I did not want to be near him. I kept my distance. I never knew when he would explode next. I rebelled
against him. I just wanted a father that I could feel comfortable with and could tell him how I felt.. Instead I had a volatile- demanding- perfectionist and I shyed from him. Whenever he was kind, I didn't trust it- thinking he could change on me any moment. If I did something stupid- he went crazy on me- I didn't want to apologize- I felt like I needed to defend myself because he was so harsh and blew everything out of proportion and acted as if he had no sins..
So when I saw Jesus- and His love for me
even while I was a sinner He died for me-- that is who I sought my whole life! He is who I desire to be near and follow.
It's not like a denial that we will go to hell if we don't serve Him, I don't think; I think it's just like with eating food.
In the same way as eating because it's enjoyable - the same way we should want to serve God because we enjoy Him. Look at creation- He spoke everything into existence. Look at a flower- how intricate and beautiful and a water droplet from heaven dripping off of the petal- how He cares for His creations.. A sparrow doesn't fall that he doesn't know about. - how much more are you worth to Him? Maybe begin by appreciating all He has given to you. 2 legs and arms and eyes-- look around at all of creation- take a day out in nature.. Go look at the sea.. all of the seed inside of a piece of fruit to grow 100 more trees.. the care , the love He shows us everyday.. There is so much to see.
I was not taught about hellfire growing up- I have not had that fear, but I do know now that there is punishment for the wicked and reward for those who love God. I don't focus on what happens after death- but I focus on life. Why worry about fear and torment when we are not living in that but walking in love?
There are plenty of verses that show us to serve out of love. That is what it is about!