prayer canceling out prayer?

[Shattered]

i am thinking of how i was told maybe i should leave....and i was wanted back.
i wanted it to work.
there were events that proved she resents me.... and yet spiritually she will testify in church how God changed her.
the two years since i have been back was an event that she was serving me extra food to act like i eat too much when i dont....

i was ill one time and she told me i could eat my vomit for lunch the next day if i do vomit.

she sometimes calls me his nickname for me that my friends think is sexual.

unless we are wrong.

she had taken me in an area that is known to be unsafe this was a little area that is known for some crime and drugs.. we rode bikes and i told her i thought that area was unsafe. she said "it will be fine" i ride with her cos i dont want anything to happen to my mother still.

then at one point men were in a truck and slowed down near me and a man rolled down his window and stuck his head out at me.

a friend thinks this was kind of a set up. i am not sure.

at work i was receiving unwanted attention one day and my mother said "was he at least cute?"

it was hurtful.... i coudl say more but i dont want to feed myself hate...bitterness. i really dont. she has even hidden a gift from him

i think she is jealous o fme...but its so twisted because i was hurting so much and she acts so loyal to him.

im not saying shes never did anything good for me. they have :/

im ungrateful and she will tell me so and what i need to do to get right with God.

this week she basically told me i should have never let my body get used to melatonin. maybe shes right about that but i am not in harm with substances as i was in the past.

I hear what you're saying, sister.

I'm a fellow prisoner in these bonds and I haven't forgotten how perfectly chaotic it was in the beginning, when all the scattered pieces started coming together to form a contiguous whole. Rest assured that is the work of the Lord God in us, and He hasn't forgotten us in the hardness we must endure. On the contrary, the Son of the living God is exceedingly close, gathering us into Himself and hiding our lives in Him. Eyes of flesh cannot perceive the truth because it is veiled from the natural mind. Don't fret because every one of us possesses those eyes of flesh, and will until our appointed time comes.

It is only by the grace and mercy of Almighty God that we are illuminated with truth by His Spirit, @lilygrace . I commend you for opening up for by doing so, you are walking through that which Christ has ordained for you. He alone shall make you whole.

The dogs will surround you, for that is what dogs do.
Some will speak evil of you, for that is what the wicked do.
The hardness weighs upon us like a mountain of shame, and there are times when words evaporate from our lips
And if there is a sound to be heard at all, it is the silence of agony and tears of suffering.
Christ Jesus numbers every one. He hears, and He knows.

Silence was my prison for so very, very long, lilygrace. When the Lord promised to make me whole, I did not grasp the meaning of His promise nor what this entailed. Therefore when His work began in earnest, I was overwhelmed by it all. I sought the solace of my old prison, thinking this would be a refuge from the horror... but it was not. Piece by piece and fragment by fragment, it all started coming together.

Not that long ago the Lord sent me to a brother in Christ, a counselor by profession, and I despaired on account of what was required of me: I had no choice but to burden my brother with that which drove me to attempt suicide many times over the years. Little did I know that our brother was not only up to the task, but the Lord equipped him to bear this burden with me. I couldn't hear nor see because I was too embroiled in the suffering, weighed down by that mountain of shame.

The truth can be a terrible burden to bear. It was certainly too much for me, but there is nothing that's too great for our Lord Jesus Christ. I was speechless when our brother embraced me on account of the testimony, sister. The Lord always provides for us whether we happen to be cognizant of His provision or not. But you are in His hand, lilygrace, and He loves you like no other.

Don't be afraid because His work in you has only just begun. :)

 

[lilygrace]

she wanted to take a walk with me and started talking to me about her problems. i feel so sleepy and alone.
i talked to her about mine which arent about the subject matter in the thread which leads to a raised voice that does not sound empathetic. i dont find it harmful but i find it judgmental and not necessarily understanding me. she could say "i understand but i think you should ___ " and leave it at that.
we got in the house and my jaw aches from the cold. i tell her. she said "mine doesnt" and she starts acting like shes stretching her jaw. its almost comical. i think my jaw is arthritic from a surgery i had and i tell her this. she said "maybe" and she is devoid of any compassion and almost like an emotionless robot.

 

[lilygrace]

she wanted to take a walk with me and started talking to me about her problems. i feel so sleepy and alone.
i talked to her about mine which arent about the subject matter in the thread which leads to a raised voice that does not sound empathetic. i dont find it harmful but i find it judgmental and not necessarily understanding me. she could say "i understand but i think you should ___ " and leave it at that.
we got in the house and my jaw aches from the cold. i tell her. she said "mine doesnt" and she starts acting like shes stretching her jaw. its almost comical. i think my jaw is arthritic from a surgery i had and i tell her this. she said "maybe" and she is devoid of any compassion and almost like an emotionless robot.

i think about how he saw me crying and asked me about it. i refused. he asked her about it that night which caused her to yell at him about it. she really sounded angry like i was a nobody. i was in the next room watching tv and doing homework. also purposely i believe he tried to get frisky and knew i was around.

so i can hear out her stuff but she didnt ask why i cry anymore or anything...

 

[TLHKAJ]

"She" is a narcissist. "He" is a pervert and "she" encourages his perversions. I do believe that the whole bike ride was a setup. Sis, if she wants to go someplace unsafe, tell her what you think and let her go alone. (Just a suggestion.)

Your issues and feelings are completely valid. Acknowledging the truth doesn't make you bitter. Acknowledging the truth is necessary in the process of healing and forgiving those who have abused us.

 

[lilygrace]

i wonder if God used this to bring the couple together.

 

[lilygrace]

i am really suffering right now. offline hurts more. i am grateful for all i developed online. i cant say what happened because what if people who went to the same thing tonight post here?
would it be so wrong if i am exposed?
i hurt so much cos i dont know who to trust in life. i feel ashamed. i feel alone. i dont fit in . there were at least 4 ladies who were nice to me. married... older. i appreciate it.
i cried when i went home in my room.
i feel suicidal to be honest.

 

[Lambano]

i am really suffering right now. offline hurts more. i am grateful for all i developed online. i cant say what happened because what if people who went to the same thing tonight post here?
would it be so wrong if i am exposed?
i hurt so much cos i dont know who to trust in life. i feel ashamed. i feel alone. i dont fit in . there were at least 4 ladies who were nice to me. married... older. i appreciate it.
i cried when i went home in my room.
i feel suicidal to be honest.

@lilygrace , I'm praying for you.

Please get some help. Here's some resources for you; they'll have people you can talk to:

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-8255.
Online: Lifeline Chat : Lifeline (suicidepreventionlifeline.org), if you're more comfortable with that mode of communication.

Rape, Abuse, and Incest National Network (RAINN): 800-656-HOPE (4673).
Online: RAINN | The nation's largest anti-sexual violence organization

You're a beloved child of God, and I don't want to lose you. I care.

 

[JMyrick]

God will answer their prayers in a way He sees fit. He might not answer their prayers in exactly the way they expected. God is not a genie after all.