Hello. I understand what you are feeling.
I have had to deal with multiple traumas and each left it's mark on me. The final blow I thought was just too much for me to ever get through.
I was wrong.
It does get better- it takes time, prayer and learning how to deal with what is
in the past- knowing that is IS in the past. Try to leave it there replaced with good things.
Be thankful for all of the smallest things. Focus on the good. Look for the good. You will only find it if you look. If you stay in the past you wont grow. You don't want to stay where you are.
Talk to the Lord about it when it creeps up on you. Bring it right to Him. He will help you to learn how to stop it. Cast your anxieties on Him because he cares for you. 1 Peter 5:7
Philippians 4
4Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, rejoice! 5Let your gentle spirit be known to all people. The Lord is near. 6Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and pleading with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. 7And the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus.
8Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence and if anything worthy of praise, think about these things. 9As for the things you have learned and received and heard and seen in me, practice these things, and the God of peace will be with you.
As to the physical components to stress- learn some relaxation techniques and consider an herb called, Ashwagandha- try at 1200 mg. It is an adaptogen that has been in use for 6000 years. It will help to balance your stress hormones which are out of balance due to the excessive stress causing your body to secrete excessive hormones which depletes you leaving you in a bad way.
It will calm you with zero side effects. It's very subtle unlike drugs from doctors which only cause more problems. If your psychiatrist prescribed drugs you may want to consider tapering off of those. There are better ways! It's fine to talk to them but please be wary of the drugs. They are not harmless.
I see you are in Italy, so I hope that herb is available to you. I have many relatives in Italy.
Also, you can be certain of this- your mind and what you put into it is up to you. Your thoughts can be controlled by you. You do have the power to turn a bad thought away- and think about something else. God can show you this. Be patient, pray and wait on Him.
It's been my experience that while we can't go back to how we were before the ptsd- we can move past it and thrive, knowing much more than we did before. Use this awful experience to draw even closer to God. That may frighten you now- but it won't if you heed it. He is faithful.
Praise Him even for the small things! Watch things change. Allow Him to renew your mind.
I will pray for you.