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[thelord's_pearl]

I feel for you. I am still on a journey myself but I feel less alone after joining this site and knowing people like you. You are one of my gifts that God sent to be in my life on this forum, someone I can relate to.

 

[Miss Hepburn]

This might be really hard to explain to you these feelings. I'm not sure that I can do it! There is something deeply bothering me. I'm trying to talk to God about it, but it seems like everything is geared to make me feel worse. I was feeling really bad at work today, and when I got home to check my work email, I saw something that made my extremely bad feelings even worse!

I got no idea what God's purpose for creating me and putting me on this earth. We can always say "to praise him/give him glory." But I always heard that God gives us abilities to use.

I dunno, I certainly feel bad you are struggling.
I don't use logic very often ...lol...I use my belief and trust in the Invisible, my Father God.
I rely on Him completely ---easier to do when you are self employed ...cuz ALL your business is a gift.

Logically, if this were me, see, I'm not exactly giving advice this way! ;)
I would have to look at the crippled, dirty, hungry, maybe diseased beggars -offering nothing to anyone.
But, who did Jesus go to, who did he take the time to help?
Not, the wealthy businessman being 'useful' making parts for Roman chariots!!! LOL
Nope, it was the criminal that had NO use next him that he promised Paradise to.

One of the things a person must do being a Spiritual Warrior is to know the enemy.
Seems your enemy are your negative thoughts.
Be a sniper 24/7 ---when these ridiculous, negative thoughts come into your head - shoot them down.
I had to.
My take anyway. Best wishes to you.

And HI Nancy!! :)

 

[Aunty Jane]

We shouldn't waste time and energy trying to fit in where we do not belong.....sometimes the square hole is somewhere we hadn't thought of, and trying to squeeze ourselves into round holes strips bits off of us.....and it hurts. It was never our "home" in the first place.

"Keep seeking...keep knocking", Jesus said, and if you have the qualities that he is looking for, (a humble willingness to be molded by God's word instead of just catering to your own wants and needs) he will invite you into his Father's Kingdom where all who live there will think alike.....all square pegs feeling comfortable in their square holes....

 

[thelord's_pearl]

It's true, I don't feel like I belong anywhere. I'm not even sure if I belong on here. Thanks for your input.

You belong here! I sent you a PM to converse with you. I struggle with boredom too since I'm waiting to get off my medications.

 

[Gottservant]

I'm not going to badger you, I'm just going to pray.

 

[CadyandZoe]

This might be really hard to explain to you these feelings. I'm not sure that I can do it! There is something deeply bothering me. I'm trying to talk to God about it, but it seems like everything is geared to make me feel worse. I was feeling really bad at work today, and when I got home to check my work email, I saw something that made my extremely bad feelings even worse!

I got no idea what God's purpose for creating me and putting me on this earth. We can always say "to praise him/give him glory." But I always heard that God gives us abilities to use. Somehow using them gives him glory. But as I look around at other people's abilities and compare to mine. It feels like my abilities are not good enough for anything or anyone. It seems like my number 1 ability is struggle through life, while I watch others run right past me. I feel like I'm missing out on life, and I spend my day to day just waiting to die, so that I can get out of this world. And then I just hope that God will let me into heaven. Because it's been really hard for me to hold onto faith while my prayers aren't being answered. While I'm stuck right in the spot I am stuck in. I sure hope God isn't trying to teach me anything. Because if He is, then I think I'm too stupid to be able to learn the lesson.

I know that everyday, my Mom prays that God will protect me from discouragement from the Evil one. I think that is really nice of her. But the effect of the prayer seems to be the opposite of she is asking for. It seems like Satan hears the prayer and says, "Since your praying like this, then I'm going to double down on Him, and make extra sure He feels discouraged."

I'm going to say this as an example. Tonight I was listening the "Ten Minute Bible Hour Podcast on the book of Matthew" I have listened to a total of 403 10 minute episodes. I love the deep dive. But I find that my feelings of worthlessness and discouragement are interrupting my thought patterns so bad, that I'm not processing it as good as I could be.

In order to help you to understand my feelings, I think that I would need to tell you my life story. It might take a long time to talk about every detail. But even if I did that, I think it would be impossible to really get it all out of me. Even if I could sit down with a real life consular, I'm not sure that I could sort it all out. Wayyyy back in the day, I had some people I could talk to about this..... But those people are no longer in my life anymore, and these days I'm life is just full of road blocks keeping me from getting healing in that way. I feel angry with God. Angry with Him because I know he's capable of making a way, but is choosing not to give me a way. I don't get it!

Anyways you can pray for me if you want too. There probably isn't any advice that I haven't heard or read before. These issues of mine, have been going on for years and years and years.

Before I talk I want to pray.

Holy Father, ​

Have mercy on Always and free Always from negative thoughts of self-doubt. Shine a light on the path and point in the right direction. Give opportunties for success and strengthen confidence and trust. Help us to find goodness and truth in unexpected places and help us to adopt the right perspective as we struggle. And above all, don't let us fall. Give us wings and bid us fly. ​

​

I know you Father that you are good, kind, gentile and loving and that you will bless Always soon. Finally, give Always a sign of affirmation, appreciation and worthiness. I know Always is worthy. Help Always see it. Thank you Father​

​

Amen. ​

Without going into much detail here, I can tell you that I suffered self-doubt and self-judgment when I was younger. I discovered what was happening eventually. I was caught in a trap. The very sin that made me feel guilty was the also the sin that was pleasurable. I would commit the sin to feel good, only to feel guilty afterward. But the guilt would cause me to seek pleasure again. I was trapped in a loop and all the time my self-talk was filled with negative thoughts about uselessness and etc.

I was released from the trap one day when I finally gave up. I told the Lord "I give up. I honestly can't cope with this problem and would you please have mercy on me and free me from it." From that point forward, I adopted two attitudes at the same time: an attitude of surrender and an attitude of gratitude. I stopped "trying" to stop sinning. I gave up trying. Instead, I decided to lean on him.

Also, I decided that negative thoughts and self-talk were not going to go away UNLESS I replaced them with something else. I made it my goal to practice what Paul said to the Philippians

Philippians 4:8​

Finally, brethren, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is of good repute, if there is any excellence and if anything worthy of praise, dwell on these things.​

I made it a goal to look for new thoughts. I listened to inspiring music, including hymns (especially hymns) I watched inspiring movies; I read inspiring stories. I made it my everyday task to thing about excellent things. I talked about positive things with my coworkers and my family. I told myself, "don't try to abandon negative thoughts. That will keep you in them. Simply replace negative thoughts with positive ones. I smiled at others. I felt good for the success of others and celebrated joy with them. I began to enjoy humor and I surrounded myself with positive people.

Think on what is good, right and true and keep thinking about good ideas and good stories and good people.
Let us know what happens next.

 

[amigo de christo]

You belong here! I sent you a PM to converse with you. I struggle with boredom too since I'm waiting to get off my medications.

 

[amigo de christo]

The LORD shall rip the skies . Lambs have all hope . Our KING is with us and at the end of our faith
awaits a wonderful city and Home .

 

[Space_Karen]

If it helps.

You don't have to be perfect.

You don't have to be the perfect role model or example of what a christian should be.

Do what you can. Seek the truth that is God. Learn, improve and do better.

It is possible God might not ask more of you than this.

 

[Debp]

Praying your mind will be quieted from all of these negative thoughts. Try meditating on some helpful Scripture verses. And always remember that you are a child of God through Christ.

Think about others more. Even showing kindness to whoever you meet means a lot. You never know how much someone might need your kindness.

 

[CadyandZoe]

You belong here! I sent you a PM to converse with you. I struggle with boredom too since I'm waiting to get off my medications.

Sometimes I wish I learned how to crochet stuff. I am please to see folks making Christmas presents for friends and family, stocking caps, muffs, and baby booties. :) A very useful way to spend extra time I only wished that I had learned.

Anyway hope you feel better soon.

 

[dev553344]

Today is 03/16/23. I finally got a chance to read through your responses. I felt like I needed to take time away from the forums.

Tonight I got upset at my work place again. I feel that I need some people to socialize with. But currently the only people I got to socialize with is at work. The social side of work has been terrible. My social life outside of work doesn't exist at all. For some reason this really bothers me. It bothers me so bad, that I fall into sin because of it. You may wonder why does it cause me to fall into sin? Doesn't God say He won't give us more then we can bare? Look, I don't know the answer to that. All I know is, I get really really really depressed, and what I'm calling "sin" makes me feel better. I don't understand why Bible reading, prayer, or even praise music doesn't make me feel better. But that is the current reality of what I'm living in. I ask for prayer because I can not fix myself. I can't fix my situation, and I can't fix my feelings.

The sin in my life comes and goes with my struggles. Often times with my other struggles. I'm not looking for advice. I'm looking for just prayer. I'm totally aware of the various solutions. Some of those solutions can't even be put into my life because of my social life being in a such a bad state.

I need to log off of here. Give stuff some more thought. Pray some more. In fact just before I got home from work, i prayed about my current social problems, and I told the Lord all about my sin problem and how it relates. I told him about how I've looked for a Church, and tried to find people and stuff just always got shut down. So God knows all about my struggles.

At first I thought I could give some helpful advice. But you appear to have a lifestyle that should be working for you. But you already said you watch online church. So I don't really know what to say, except pray for you. Cheer up, God is good and loves us.

 

[stunnedbygrace]

I was released from the trap one day when I finally gave up. I told the Lord "I give up. I honestly can't cope with this problem and would you please have mercy on me and free me from it." From that point forward, I adopted two attitudes at the same time: an attitude of surrender and an attitude of gratitude. I stopped "trying" to stop sinning. I gave up trying. Instead, I decided to lean on him.

That is exactly how I approached it after I wore myself out trying to be good. And very soon after, He calmed all my passions, put my flesh under my feet.

 

[Michiah-Imla]

I don't feel like I belong anywhere

Wherever you are, that’s where you belong.

“A man's heart deviseth his way: but the LORD directeth his steps.” (Proverbs 16:9)

 

[strepho]

I'm disabled and Jesus uses me to plant seeds. Proverbs chapter 1, God gives wisdom and knowledge to those who seek Him Sincerely and diligently. I once planted seed many years ago, yourng man asked me for help. Many times I told him. Trying to take short cuts in God's word wont work. Fast results won't work. Start from genesis and work your way through the bible to revelation. If you need help. I recommend shepherds chapel. They teach verse by verse, chapter by chapter. James chapter 1, ask God for wisdom and knowledge. The key is Faith. Everyone has different abilities and gifts. Don't compare yourself to others. My grandfather is a excellent cook. I can just about make cheeseburger. I'm not comparing myself. My grand father has gift I don't have. My brother is gifted in drawing and mechanically inclined. I'm not. Read Corinthians chapter 13, God gives a diversity of gifts and abilities to different people. Focus on your spiritual growth and abilities. Apply yourself best you can to study the bible. Seek help from qualified pastor or teacher. I studied under shepherds chapel for many years. It's hard work. Fast results won't work. Think it over.

 

[Aunty Jane]

Do you have interests that others share? Many have found a mate through shared interests....we all need something that brings us together.

The reason why many feel incomplete without a mate is because we were designed to share our lives with one who would be "one flesh" with us....someone who is a part of us and we with them...one with whom God has "yoked" us. A yoke was what helped two working animals share a load....and marriage is not a bed of roses for those who are immature or selfish......the load is often carried by only one.....it can never succeed. From your words here, I can see that you have a lot to offer that someone who will become your life partner. I know its hard to be patient though.

Finding a partner who shares your faith is even more important because there is a third party in your relationship that will act as the glue that holds you together. Love will be the oil in the 'engine' that keeps it running smoothly no matter how rough the road gets.

"A successful marriage is the union of two good forgivers"...I have always found that to be true.
Givers are always happy...takers are only happy whilst they are receiving.

"Doing to others what you would like done for yourself" is what Jesus taught us to do.....can't go wrong with that.

 

[CadyandZoe]

I'm not sure where or how I want to say this. But I have been feeling this really deep inside of myself for many years. I often don't like to just come out and say it because there is push back. The push back is logical, and I think it's even spot on with some people, and not with others. Marriage does not solve everything. In fact it can cause more hardships. I recognize this as a fact, and it's even implied in Paul's writings in scripture. Yet I keep getting the feeling, over and over again, that I need a wife to make my life go to the next level. Not just physically but spiritually as well. When I look at my sin issues, I notice that they occur mostly when I'm alone too much, and maybe even because I'm alone too much. I've been in this state long enough to see the pattern. But the idea of having a wife causes turmoil in my brain too. The reason is, some married men claim that having a wife didn't solve their issues. But I have also heard of some married men who say it has solved their issues. I have no clue why some say one thing and some say another. I guess everyone's journey is different. Everyone's battles are different. I remember in on of my C.S. Lewis books, Lewis talked about how one kind of sin never tempted him, but another kind of sin did. I think that is true of every believer.

I think I've said this before. But if not I'll say it again. I don't care how you want to pray for me. Just be honest with the Lord about what you think. I think He'll just do whatever is best anyways.

Maybe I want to add one more thing. One time I was on a site called Shoutlife. It was a religious social networking site. In my opinion it was junk. (I'm not going to go into all the reasons why here.) Anyways, I was blogging there, minding my own business so to speak. Someone commented and said, "Marriage isn't just about sex". That is a comment that I wish I could unsee. It made me feel so stupid, and I wished that I hadn't written the blog the way I did. But I also felt like the person who made the comment was stupid too. I never said that marriage is just about having sex. I will never say that. But I will say this, anyone that doesn't think that sex is apart of marriage is probably crazy in the head! It's hard to believe but that blog would of been written back in 2010! That was 13 years ago, and yet I still think about it. I still feel the sting. It still bothers me because I can not forget.

I've had the privilege and the blessings of growing up with my Grandparents living next door. I got to see their marriage lived out in front of me until the day they died. My parents are still married, and I'm pretty sure they are going to make it until the day they die too. Believe me, I know that marriage is more then just having sex. It has a lot of ups and downs, and it takes work to stay together.

I appreciate how some people here, are putting some thought into what they are writing me. In my experience online, and even offline, it is when people are NOT putting thought into what they say, is when people get hurt. I guess some people just don't have empathy. It floors me, because I don't want to write anything without asking myself "how would I feel if I had that written to me?" I'm not perfect, and I'm sure I've probably hurt some... If I've hurt anyone. Please forgive me. It's not my intention to hurt people.

Perhaps you can use the little bit of wisdom that someone relayed to me. "If you want a good wife, be a good man."

 

[CadyandZoe]

After writing my last comment, I felt bad about it because I thought of something later that I should of added. I guess I'll go ahead and add it now.

The last time I talked about marriage and how it COULD solve my sin. It's a little narrow. Look I don't know exactly what I could offer a mate. I figure whatever it is, it will become apparent when I get to know that person. I think of marriage as a team. You work together to get through life. I've talked about how I've been stuck in life. One of the reasons why I'm stuck is because I'm not married. Sure! Some people can make it in this world as a single. Some people can't. Either way there is more power in two people working together then there is in just one lone wolf.

The Church is supposed to be a family as well. We are supposed to support one another. But the Church has been in a mess. My local Churches are only supported of those that fit in with whatever it takes to fit in with them. Notice I said, "whatever it takes to fit in with them." I say it that way because I've been around to some of them, and It's a mystery to me, on what makes some of these places tick. It feels like there is some kind of group built around certain personalities. You got to somehow fit into the personality collective to be welcomed as a part of the group. Otherwise, all you can do is just attend, and observe what goes on around you.

I have heard many different relationship/marriage advice in forums and youtube, and even in real life. Some of it is really logical and makes sense. But I have gotten to the point to where, if I hear it, I just fall asleep. It's not that I'm against it, it's just that I need someone in my life before any of that advice can be tried. One thing I often have against the relationship advice is that usually they seem to simplistic. Just do this, or don't do that. Just be a good man first. I'm sorry but the Bible tells us, not one person is good. All you can do is try your best to follow Jesus. Your flawed and your partner is flawed. The only way to keep people together is to try and get rid of selfishness, and practice a lot of forgiveness and grace.

I hope that by writing this, I've shown that I'm not being too narrow in my thoughts. Again I'm just trying to do the best I can to articulate what needs to be said.

We learn by doing.
I get what you are saying.
You want to follow your heart.
When looking for a wife, I studied the Proverbs. Solomon spoke wisely about the good wife.

As men, we tend to judge by what our eyes see. As Christian men we need to learn how to judge by qualities that lay below the surface. I was attracted to my wife's face but when I got to know her, I was attracted by her care for others, her steadfast love of the truth, and her firm commitment to righteousness. When she smiles my heart melts but I have come to trust her judgment and her wisdom.

There is beauty in the rarity of goodness.

Good luck in your search.

 

[CadyandZoe]

Tonight I suffered another emotional crash. I hate my social status at work. It eats me alive.

As you say, you need emotional stability. What you need is an anchor, something in your mind and thinking that remains both constant and true. And, this is important, convince yourself that it's okay to get emotional. Who doesn't?

First of all, social status, while very important and significant in this world is a condition that will eventually burn away with this present world system. You and I are stuck with it for now, but someday it will be gone. So what do we do while we wait?

Let's remind ourselves of a few things that Jesus taught us.
Perfect Love:
What is perfect love? God's love is perfect love. A perfect love is the kind of love that has concern for the wellbeing of everyone. God sends the rain on the evil and the good. In this regard, Jesus teaches us that, in God's eyes, no man is above any other man. All of us deserve respect, dignity, and love. So then, a perfect love must love everyone. Jesus taught us to love our enemies and do good to those who hate us because, in this way, we will be like our heavenly father.

Balanced scales:
Jesus wants us to carry around a set of balanced scales. What do I mean? Typically, when someone hurts us we want them to be punished; but when we hurt others, we want to be forgiven. Which should it be? Should God punish injustice or not?

Yes, as believers, we want God to punish injustice. But at the same time, Jesus tells us that if we are unwilling to forgive others, God is not willing to forgive us. In order to help us, he told us a parable about a man who owed his Lord a lot of money, much more than he could ever pay back. One day his Lord decided to forgive his debt. But as the man was leaving the court, his Lord found out that the man demanded to be paid back. The moral of the story is this. Our willingness to forgive others is predicated on the fact that God has already forgiven us a much greater debt.

I work for Jesus:
With regard to employment, the NT has a couple of things to say.

Speaking of slaves Paul writes:

Slaves, be obedient to those who are your masters according to the flesh, with fear and trembling, in the sincerity of your heart, as to Christ; (Ephesians 6:5)​

While it is true that my employer is paying my salary, Paul is asking me to adopt a particular helpful perspective. While I fear and tremble before my employer, inside, in my heart, I am serving Jesus Christ. I serve with integrity, honesty, and diligence, not out of fear of punishment, but out of love of Jesus, seeking HIS approval.

Jesus makes a similar point.

41 Whoever forces you to go one mile, go with him two. Matthew 5:41 ​

In other words, loving our employer takes a bit more effort, If he commands that we go one mile, then we go two. We go the extra mile voluntarily, because we actually work for Jesus.

Remember, those at work who mistreat us are working for the system and the system works for the enemy. But we can rise above the system, in our minds at least and in small, unexpected ways. They can take away our dignity and our confidence. They can make us doubt ourselves. But if we remain anchored in the truth of our existence in Christ, they can't take that away from us. We work for the things that are going to last. We seek the things that will remain. And we can stand firmly on the truth of the Gospel.

Am I making sense? I'm never sure.

 

[Zachariah]

The next realm in line for us is death my friend. Then from there its up to Heaven.