CharismaticLady
Well-Known Member
Now that I figured out what went wrong in our conversation, I hope you will be back.
I am trying to reconcile my own experience with yours which is probably nuts, but I think I’m doing so to make sure that I never, never make someone sad or discouraged God doesn’t want to be sad or discouraged.
You put the word trusted in quotes, so I’m thinking that means you are saying you didn’t really trust. I would like to know if that was truly, truly the case or if your trust was still just very small and weak. Did you struggle in trust those 30 years? Did you read your bible ever or get little understandings? Did you ever pray or talk to God in those 30 years? Did you ever sense His presence in any way those years?
First 23 years I was a Seventh-day Adventist. I never lied to my parents, or stole anything, but I would go to movies, watch TV on the Sabbath, play cards and dance, and ate bacon if I got the chance. I always felt a sinner, and kept my secrets - always feeling "if they only knew." I once ran into another SDA from my church at the movies, we looked at each other, turned around and ran away from each other. I always knew about God and Jesus and loved them, but feared them. I trusted in the knowledge that they were the only path to heaven. But I was young and felt I still had time before He came to get it together. I even got pregnant at 20 yrs old during that time, though had a miscarriage at 4.5 months. If I lost something, I would always pray to find it and not one prayer was ever answered. I began to wonder if God really existed, but would rather believe in "Christianity" than to be an "Agnostic." As far as the Bible, I knew it well enough to argue for the Sabbath, even if I didn't keep it.
At 23 I became engaged to a Nashville recording artist who was Church of Christ. I didn't want to finally get married until we were both the same denomination, but he couldn't debate. (that alone should have warned me that we weren't suited. Hot and Cold go together, but not Hot and Lukewarm) So one night he called Ray Walker, bass singer of the Jordanaires, and asked him if he would talk to me about the CoC. Ray and I debated and went through the Scriptures from around midnight to 4 am. and that's when I "got it." It was a light bulb went on over my head in those cartoons. Grace. So I left the SDA denomination totally shocked that they didn't have "the Truth." But that opened my mind to never be closed minded ever again. We got married, and divorced 5 years later. But during that time, a year after learning about grace, though the wrong definition, while we were "on the road" I debated with a Pentecostal woman in Alabama in 1971 about the gifts of the Spirit. We wrote to each other and my letter brought up that tongues had ceased when the perfect (the compiled Bible) came. But then I read to the end of the chapter to see what else I could show her, and another light bulb came on. They didn't end until we saw Him FACE TO FACE. Again, I was shocked having been raised Cessationist. So open minded as I was, I told my husband and we actually found a Church of Christ that believed in the gifts of the Spirit, Belmont Church of Christ in Nashville. (They were finally disfellowshipped when they finally allowed musical instruments, and is now just Belmont.) Two years later we divorced while living in Los Angeles. When we moved to L. A. we didn't really go to church anywhere.
A couple months after the divorce I started working in Beverly Hills, and a few months later was having an affair with my married, Jewish boss. A long story later (in my Testimony if you want to read it I'll pm you) I got filled with the Spirit in 1977, and all my desire for sin lifted off me. And a hunger for God so powerful came into me, and never again did I ever wonder if God existed. Now I knew and wanted to serve Him for the rest of my life. I was literally, not theologically, born again with a new nature.