I havent' been able to follow and process everything that is being said, but I do believe there are two different kinds of fear being spoken of in scripture.
Heb 12:18-24
For ye are not come unto the mount that might be touched, and that burned with fire, nor unto blackness, and darkness, and tempest,
And the sound of a trumpet, and the voice of words; which voice they that heard intreated that the word should not be spoken to them any more:
(For they could not endure that which was commanded, And if so much as a beast touch the mountain, it shall be stoned, or thrust through with a dart:
And so terrible was the sight, that Moses said, I exceedingly fear and quake:)
But ye are come unto mount Sion, and unto the city of the living God, the heavenly Jerusalem, and to an innumerable company of angels,
To the general assembly and church of the firstborn, which are written in heaven, and to God the Judge of all, and to the spirits of just men made perfect, (my brackets: these are old testament saints whose faith was made perfect after the cross through the gospel)
And to Jesus the mediator of the new covenant, and to the blood of sprinkling, that speaketh better things than that of Abel.
1Jo 4:12-19
No one has seen God at any time. If we love one another, God abides in us, and HIS LOVE HAS BEEN PERFECTED IN US.
By this we know that we abide in Him, and He in us, because He has given us of His Spirit.
And we have seen and testify that the Father has sent the Son as Savior of the world.
Whoever confesses that Jesus is the Son of God, God abides in him, and he in God.
And we have KNOWN AND BELIEVED the love that God has for us. God is love, and he who abides in love abides in God, and God in him.
Love has been perfected among us in this: that we may have boldness in the day of judgment; because as He is, so are we in this world.
There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear, because fear involves torment. But he who fears has not been made perfect in love.
We love Him because He first loved us.
Jhn 3:16
For God so LOVED the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that WHOSOEVER BELIEVETH IN HIM should not perish, but have everlasting life.
Rom 8:15
For ye have not received the spirit of bondage again to fear; but ye have received the Spirit of adoption, whereby we cry, Abba, Father.
Heb 4:14-16
Seeing then that we have a great high priest, that is passed into the heavens, Jesus the Son of God, let us hold fast our profession.
For we have not an high priest which cannot be touched with the feeling of our infirmities; but was in all points tempted like as we are, yet without sin.
Let us therefore come boldly (ie, without fear) unto the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy, and find grace to help in time of need.
Working out our salvation with fear and trembling is not talking about the carnal visceral fear per se that the Israelites lived with under the Law………..it is talking about the kind of fear that knows the supremacy and greatness of God and that causes us to humble ourselves before Him and makes us take Him and his word very seriously, with sincerity. It means not taking Him lightly, as the word mentions somewhere. And it means putting Him first.
Being perfected in love, I believe is what happens when we come to faith in Christ. But also at the same time, on another level, as we are being trained up and grow like children we do fear God's displeasure and consequences if we should sin.