Yes Mark, it is how she has lived her whole life, handouts. Always, handouts and digging her out of her own messes time and time again. She speaks out both sides of her mouth...she has lied, manipulated (tried, anyhow) stolen from me and used me for all she could get. Not so much as a thanks for letting me stay here for NEXT TO NOTHING! every rug in my home has been ruined by those who stayed here and, I finally realize that I cannot afford a roommate as they cost me more than if they were not even here! My peace is restored and I am very grateful. I'm much better living alone, always have been. Sorry, my anger just slipped out again
hey, there are ppl who are adept at allowing others to play savior or big daddy warbucks or even codependent, which both of those first two are models of, ppl with an MO that relies on other ppl for their status or whatever, and i know it is hard but at this remove anyway you can prolly see that she played you bc you were ripe to get played?
and i would just shut up here, no skin off me ok, but i respond bc the episode might cause you to think twice about rescuing someone deserving now, who is not manifesting Worm at all like she had to have been, someone who would naturally be less adept at playing to your weakness? It would serve you better to understand the weakness imo; we seek confirmation of our status and encouragement and praise from other ppl, right, and there are other ppl who seek ppl who are seeking to elevate themselves in that subtle manner that we now know as "codependence."
Which you are right now reading a codependent capital C type guy, ok, been recovering ten years at least and i am still easily if not as easily sucked into those situations, especially by more earnest ppl who are just trying to use stroking bc they are maybe desperate or they can see i'm wavering or whatever, to tip the scale. Which that has now become my tell-tale i guess, didnt realize it but i look for that as a sign so i can reject them, or i did for a while anyway, that was like the next phase, ha...now i give them all the rope they want, all comers, and just expect to get ripped off by the ones who stroke, whereas see like a Stranger i dont have to worry about at all, see, not even a little lol. Ppl stroking you to be friends might be sincere and they might just be after something, and for a coda the diff can be impossible to discern, and we are all pretty much terminally coda now i guess
so, fwiw as i see you have not really processed that episode yet i would suggest attending some Al-Anon meetings, they know all about codependence, but expect some pain, and dont be surprised when they start sounding like that episode was all your fault, ok? But if you can stand it, the heat, you will come out of it with better vision. You will inevitably reject all codas spiritually for a while, but then when you realize how coda everyone else is a new paradigm will kind of suggest itself, and lemme tell you codas hate nothing worse than to
realize they are being patronized, which is what is really going on here i guess, see she was just adept at patronizing you without making it obvious, and you might not believe right now that you enjoy being patronized as long as it isnt too baldly obvious, which al-anon will provide the eye for that, if you will let them anyway, and then you will become adept at patronizing just obviously enough to make the point,
and lemme tell you there is nothing sweeter than honestly forgiving someone from your heart bc you understand, that does not want to be discovered much less forgiven lol, your forgiveness while they are still working out whether they have even been discovered or not, priceless ok. Cameras work best for discovery, but there are also situations you might engineer, early on anyway, but you get to where you dont need proof, see, bc you are not bringing charges anyway, you are bringing forgiveness, see, and ppl who do not realize that they are doing a bad thing bc they have dressed it up like it is a good thing--codependents, iow, do this a lot--well, forgiveness to them is like Holy Water, see, to a vampire.
Misplaced forgiveness is essentially a Superiority Complex, right, we are all fam with the one who believes they are in the right "taking the high road" even though they are basically whacked out of their minds, just using the forgiveness thing as a like a buffer, not really being forgiving at all, just playing the superior? So, the earnest corrollary of that, iow.