Last night was rough for me. I got maybe an hour of restless sleep. My body in constant fight or flight cortisol mode. I prayed and quoted scripture in my head going back and forth with this demon rebuking demonic oppression. Pressing through while I felt like my body was going to give out on me. My heart racing. I told myself romans 8:28 God works things out for the good of those who love thinking hey maybe its just cardio and good for me who knows, but I was sweating and trying to breathe. I told myself not even life or death can separate me from God's love romans 8:31-32 and if I die I die. I prayed for the miracle of sleep and waking up. I prayed for peace in my mind, heart and body. My nervous system a wreck. I told myself I won't wake my parents up because my mom has to work in the morning and needs her sleep. So I battled with it all night. Praying and rebuking. Telling myself all this can go away right now, but it didn't. My body feeling as if I was dragged down a street literally feels that way. My body exhausted, but won't sleep. Know God know peace. I prayed all night for it. Anxiety out of control. I'm still trying to cope. I'm not sweating, my heart is medium okay. My body in fight or flight still and it's noon here. On christ the solid rock I stand. If all I can do is stand I'm doing it with all my might, but my body is torturing me. My heart and flesh may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever. Psalms 73. I need peace. I need my body to rest, not be in panic mode. I'm doing all I can do. I'm trying to speak life over myself. That God adds more life to me. Renewing my mind, heart and body. My body is just stuck in panic mode. If you've never had a skitz episode be thankful. I use to be normal.telling myself I can get better. This is only a season. It's been over a year. I've been playing worship music over in my mind just hanging on. Just grasping. Wanting to pull my hair and scream. Resisting. I don't want to be crazy. Asking God for strength. Hoping I can get a power nap today and hoping this stops happening. Telling myself my deliver is coming my deliver is standing by. My heart is still beating a bit fast. Trying to breathe calmly. Waiting to just be okay again. Hoping when I listen I won't hear him anymore. Prayed that all night.