The greatest Joke you'll ever read.

[Letsgofishing]

there was a catholic monastary in detroit where many monks resided. What was different about this monastary was that the best monk of the year got an award. This year the monk who won th eaward was called Jim. So Jim goes to the leader of the monastary whose name was mike. and mike says to Jim " congradulations you have won the most prestige award the world has ever seen, with this awar you can have anything you want, you could have a ping pong table, a hi def Tv,l a life supply of skittles." and with a huge smile Mike said " what do you want." and Jim said " an apple orange and a piece of string." Mike jaw drops to the floor. " but you could have anything" Jim replies I know and that everything is an apple orange and a piece of string." so Mike gives him an apple orange and a piece of string. that night mike Hears strange noises coming from Jims bedroom " tick tick buzz buzz" they went. and the next Morning Mike goes up to Jim and says " what were those noises and Jim says " I can't tell you that." The next year Jim wins the award again. So Jim goes to mike. and mike says to Jim " congradulations you have won again you are by far a most holy monk, and this time you can have anything you want,and I mean anything you could have a new car, a small country,or if you prefer you can take up my offer from last year and get a life supply of skittles." and Mike again puts on a smile and says " so this year what do you want." Jim replies "an apple orange and a piece of string." so Mike gives him an apple orange and a piece of string. that night mike Hears strange noises coming from Jims bedroom " tick tick buzz buzz" they went. and the next Morning Mike goes up to Jim and says " what were those noises, there driving me crazy" and Jim says " I can't tell you that."The next year Jim wins the award again. So Jim goes to mike. and mike says to Jim " congradulations you have won yet again you are a living saint, and this time you can have anything you want,and I mean anything, and when I say that I mean anything ,you could get Tivo, a kangaroo or if you prefer you can take up my offer from last year and get a life supply of skittles." and Mike again puts on a smile and says " so this year what do you want." Jim replies "an apple orange and a piece of string." so Mike gives him an apple orange and a piece of string. that night mike Hears strange noises coming from Jims bedroom " tick tick buzz buzz" they went. and the next Morning Mike goes up to Jim and says " what were those noises, there driving me nuts" and Jim says " I can't tell you that."The next year Jim wins the award again. So Jim goes to mike. and mike says to Jim " congradulations you have won again, you might just be the next pope, and this time you can have anything you want,and I mean anything, and when I say that I mean anything ,you could get your own indoor swimming pool a jet plane and those skittles are still available but you probably still want an apple orange and a piece of string." and Jim says " yep" so Mike gives him an apple orange and a piece of string. that night mike Hears strange noises coming from Jims bedroom " tick tick buzz buzz" they went. and the next Morning Mike goes up to Jim and says " what were those noises, I'm going insane" and Jim says " I can't tell you that."The next year Jim wins the award again. So Jim goes to mike. and mike says to Jim " congradulations you have won again, forget being the next pope ypu are the next pope, I mean you know more about the bible than Billy Graham , and this time you can have anything you want,and I mean anything, and when I say that I mean anything ,you could get your own indoor swimming pool a jet plane and those skittles are still available but you probably still want an apple orange and a piece of string." and Jim says " yep" so Mike gives him an apple orange and a piece of string. that night mike Hears strange noises coming from Jims bedroom " tick tick buzz buzz" they went. and the next Morning Mike goes up to Jim and says " what were those noises, I'm turning into Charles Manson" and Jim says " I can't tell you that."The next year Jim wins the award again. So Jim goes to mike. and mike says to Jim " congradulations you have won again Ive ran out of compliments to give you , heres your apple orange and a piece of string" so Mike gives him an apple orange and a piece of string. that night mike Hears strange noises coming from Jims bedroom " tick tick buzz buzz" they went. and the next Morning Mike goes up to Jim and says " what were those noises, forget charles manson, were talking Britney spears." and Jim says " I can't tell you that."The next year Jim wins the award again. So Jim goes to mike. and mike says to Jim " congradulations you have won again. somebodies probably going to make a religon out of you , heres your apple orange and a piece of string" . that night mike Hears strange noises coming from Jims bedroom " tick tick buzz buzz" they went. and the next Morning Mike goes up to Jim and says " what were those noises and Jim says " I can't tell you that" Mike cries out. " oh come on, you got to tell me." so Jim says "ok but you got to promise not to tell a living soul." Mike never told.Oh man I am so going to get kicked off this forum

your brother in christRyan Fitz

 

[followerofchrist]

... Your a bad person, you can't leave me hanging like that! Its evil

 

[Letsgofishing]

Score!!!!!!!!I mean oh no, I'm so sorry

 

[Christina]

LGF !!!!!!thats it you are otta here

I can put up with a lot around here but that is beyond unfair:)

 

[Jordan]

... That was very offending... what is up with you using my name in threads whether a joke or discussing scriptures that you didn't know and say "What in the superjag is Jesus talking about?"On a personal note, I am no better than anybody. And knowledge is useless without the wisdom of God. I may know a lot, but I'm no better than anybody as having knowledge itself boast.JagLovest thou in Christ Yahshua, Lord and Saviour of the world.

 

[BearingChristaHammer]

Wow, that was by far the worst joke I have ever heard...that is unless I am really missing something here, but I don't think it's me, I think it's the Joke teller...or the punch line. It's a hoot, but, lol, you didn't get me that good because I was speed reading and noticed everything repeated so I skipped to the end. Ha! real jokes on you for spending all the time it would take to type that. :naughty:Where's the little guy sticking his tongue out, lol, I need him now. ah there ya go. ;p

 

[Letsgofishing]

Ha real jokes on you, I only wrote one paragraph, the rest was a copy and paste job

but yeah this jokes a lot better not written. I get to see the persons face when I pull out the punchlineor the lack of oneyour brother in christRyan Fitz

 

[toddsumrall.com]

I know what it is, but Jim made me promise not to tell a soul also. Sorry...

 

[Letsgofishing]

Lol

:

 

[Comm.Arnold]

so this guy walks into a christian forum and he sees one gigantic paragraph and he says to the op:

 

[Prentis]

:lol:

The guys are saints, if they said they wouldn't tell, something would be wrong if we knew ;)

 

[Arnie Manitoba]

You guy's are kidding right? I mean EVERYBODY knows what the string, apple and orange were for. The truth came out years ago. I think it is a joke that so many people "pretend" they do not know what the Monk was up to.

 

[aspen]

my only solace is knowing it took you 10x as long to type that monstrosity as it took for me to skim it..... ;)

 

[goodshepard55]

"Life without GOD is like an unsharpened pencil.....It has no point!!!!!!!!

TWO CUPS OF COFFEE IN HEAVEN.

Having arrived at the Gates of Heaven, Barrack Obama meets a man with a beard.
"Are you Mohammed?" he asks.
"No my son, I am St. Peter; Mohammed is higher up."
Peter then points to a ladder that rises into the clouds.

Delighted that Mohammed should be higher than St. Peter, Obama climbs the ladder in great strides, climbs up through the clouds and comes into a room where he meets another bearded man.
He asks again, "Are you Mohammed?"
"Why no," he answers, "I am Moses; Mohammed is higher still."

Exhausted, but with a heart full of joy he climbs the ladder yet again, he discovers a larger room where he meets an angelic looking man with a beard.
Full of hope, he asks again, "Are you Mohammed?"
"No, I am Jesus, the Christ; you will find Mohammed higher up."

Mohammed higher than Jesus!
Man, oh man!

Obama can hardly contain his delight and climbs and climbs ever higher. Once again, he reaches an even larger room where he meets this truly magnificent looking man with a silver white beard and once again repeats his question:
"Are you Mohammed?" he gasps as he is by now, totally out of breath from all his climbing.
"No, my son, I am Almighty God, The Alpha and the Omega, but you look exhausted.
Would you like a cup of coffee?"
Obama says, "Yes please!"

As God looks behind him, he claps His hands and yells out:

"Hey, Mohammed, two coffees!"

Keep your trust in God;

 

[Angelina]

RIP

When I was a young minister, a funeral director asked me to hold a grave side service for a homeless man with no family or friends. The funeral was to be at a cemetery way out in the country. This was a new cemetery and this man was the first to be laid to rest there.
I was not familiar with the area and became lost. Being a typical man, of course, I did not ask for directions. I finally found the cemetery about an hour late. The back hoe was there and the crew was eating their lunch. The hearse was nowhere to be seen.

I apologized to the workers for being late. As I looked into the open grave, I saw the vault lid already in place. I told the workers I would not keep them long, but that this was the proper thing to do. The workers, still eating their lunch, gathered around the opening.
I was young and enthusiastic and poured out my heart and soul as I preached. The workers joined in with, "Praise the Lord," "Amen," and "Glory!" I got so into the service that I preached and preached and preached, from Genesis to The Revelation.

When the service was over, I said a prayer and walked to my car. As I opened the door, I heard one of the workers say, "I never saw anything like that before and I've been putting in septic systems for twenty years." ^_^