Understanding MPD/DID & SRA/MK

[farouk]

Half moon did come to mind today regarding this also. I feel normal except when I started thinking of this again and then feel a bit shut down again.

The thing with the delta thing that scares me is I have been suicidal in the past. Real reason this thread scared me so much? The first time when I started reading into this and things, I'd pass a water tower and just visualize just jumping. Really wanting to. It isn't something I'd ever dream of doing or want to do. But I had a vision of this before also of someone I knew jumping off a water tower. I cannot get to that point. Because programming or not programming, I have had times in the past where I've done things like cut or suicidal things... Then wonder why I did. Teenager but still. I cannot shut down to the point I am not in control. But I know what depression and shut down feel like and can take steps to guard against that. It is just balancing between accepting the truth in some things to heal and knowing my limits.

@Mayflower There are so many conflicting thoughts that ppl can become introspectively absorbed by. But prayerfully concentrating on a chapter such as John 14 or a Psalm like Psalm 46 can be a great blessing indeed.

 

[farouk]

Very good books and chapters, farouk...

@Mayflower Another chapter that is great for troubled minds is Philppians 4.

 

[farouk]

Good to know when I do not know what to believe, I can believe in God. The way, Truth, and Life.

@Mayflower Indeed; and there is the promise of the Lord Jesus in John 16.13: "...when He, the Spirit of truth, is come, He will guide you into all truth: for He shall not speak of Himself; but whatsoever He shall hear, that shall He speak: and He will shew you things to come."

 

[farouk]

It is the past I do not know what to do with.

@Mayflower Paul had this experience:

"Brethren, I count not myself to have apprehended: but this one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind, and reaching forth unto those things which are before,

I press toward the mark for the prize of the high calling of God in Christ Jesus." (Philippians 3.13-14)

 

[farouk]

Was always my life verse... Thing is you forget the condemnation... But what I learned concerning this is you need to remember the test for testimony. Think of Paul's testimony and all he had went through and talked about. He forgot the hurt, the condemnation, the unforgiveness... He didn't let past bring him down. That has always very much encouraged me. Thank you.

@Mayflower And of course your header verse is from the same chapter of Philippians.

 

[farouk]

Thanks for shaking me out of the blues. This feels a bit scarey and surreal, but it will be okay. I have to just remember Heaven.

@Mayflower Well, unknown to others often, Scriptures shared and meditated upon can and should indeed be for our mutual encouragement, right?

 

[farouk]

Proverbs 3:5-6 was becoming my favorite for awhile. Philippians 3:13-14 has always been the first thing in my mind though.

@Mayflower That Proverbs passage is often quote — and with reason!

 

[farouk]

I understand the surreal effect these memories have upon us, @Mayflower . As the presenter, we have been consciously shielded and in a way, spared from the trauma which fragments (alternate personalities) have suffered. This is partially by design (programming) and also due to the activity of protector fragments whose sole purpose is to keep the presenter safe and relatively clueless.

I view DID much like a shattered pane of glass. The dissociative defense isolates a fragment behind a "wall of amnesia" thus creating a distinct personality in space and time. Many fragments are effectively "frozen" in space and time by virtue of this barrier.

We are whole, then we are shattered (dissociative response to trauma) just like a pane of glass. The presenter is intended to make it possible for us to function on this earth and so in most respects we are "normative;" however, this is just a generalization. Each of us is different.

I like the writer of the Hebrews' exhortation to keep 'looking unto Jesus' (Hebrews 12.2); the previous chapter speaks of all sorts of upheavals in Old Testament saints' lives, but the Lord brought them through 'by faith'...

 

[farouk]

The duality of the memories is what is hard. Like this was a long time ago, but when I first remembered the chain on the backroom door, I wasn't sure if it was real, because I'd remember with it and without the chain. I had to ask my sister who was older and remembered.

This new thing this past week I do not know how to begin sorting out what is real or not with it.

Hi @Mayflower I also think Philippians 4.8 is a great guide to true reality in the light of eternal values :

 

[farouk]

Some true realities aren't very pleasant... Philippians 4:8 yes, but bad things cannot be avoided. It has to be prayed about.

@Mayflower Isaiah 48.10: "I have chosen thee in the furnace of affliction".

In the end it's not in avoiding the furnace of affliction at all costs but in knowing deeply by faith that we are indeed chosen, that there is the blessing.

 

[farouk]

Philippians 4:4-9

4 Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! 5 Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. 6 Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. 7 And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

8 Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. 9 Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me—put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you.

---

Along with this it says to take everything o God in prayer, not to be anxious about things (easier said then done). Put things into practice. Spiritual armor... Definitely need armor for this...God of peace be with us

@Mayflower Those verses in context in chapter 4 all fit in together so well...

 

[truthquest]

2 Cor. 4:7 Now we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this surpassingly great power is from God and not from us. 8 We are hard pressed on all sides, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; 9 persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed.

Psalm 37:24 Though he falls, he will not be overwhelmed, for the LORD is holding his hand.

Psalm 129:2 many a time they have persecuted me from my youth, but they have not prevailed against me.

Romans 8:35 Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or distress or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword?

Jeremiah 20:11 But the LORD is with me like a fearsome warrior. Therefore, my persecutors will stumble and will not prevail. Since they have not succeeded, they will be utterly put to shame, with an everlasting disgrace that will never be forgotten.

Jeremiah 1:8 Do not be afraid of them, for I am with you to deliver you," declares the LORD.

Romans 8:31 What then shall we say in response to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us?

Deuteronomy 32:35 Vengeance is Mine; I will repay. In due time their foot will slip; for their day of disaster is near, and their doom is coming quickly."

Jeremiah 17:18 Let them be confounded that persecute me, but let not me be confounded: let them be dismayed, but let not me be dismayed: bring upon them the day of evil, and destroy them with double destruction.

Psalm 27:1,2 A Psalm of David. The LORD is my light and my salvation; whom shall I fear? the LORD is the strength of my life; of whom shall I be afraid? …

Psalm 18:2 The LORD is my rock, and my fortress, and my deliverer; my God, my strength, in whom I will trust; my buckler, and the horn of my salvation, and my high tower.

Psalm 147:3 He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.

Psalm 56:8 You keep track of all my sorrows. You have collected all my tears in your bottle. You have recorded each one in your book.

 

[TLHKAJ]

@farouk There is an overabundance of Christians using scripture out of context to condemn people who have been directed by God to face their past. Forget?? We did that ....we dissociated it and "forgot" what happened. But it was still there, locked away, hiding our brokenness, affecting every area of our lives. God is the one who takes us there. He knows where all our broken pieces are, and it is Him who sets our captivity free, and makes our crooked places straight. We cannot do that while DENYING it ever happened. Only knowing the truth makes us free. Denial isn't conducive to truth. We cannot put the past behind us while we're denying anything happened. God's intention is to bring us through the wilderness, into our Promised Land.

I would like to request that you refrain from discouraging survivors away from their healing process and that you not use scripture to encourage them to embrace denial. That isn't truth.

 

[farouk]

@farouk There is an overabundance of Christians using scripture out of context to condemn people who have been directed by God to face their past. Forget?? We did that ....we dissociated it and "forgot" what happened. But it was still there, locked away, hiding our brokenness, affecting every area of our lives. God is the one who takes us there. He knows where all our broken pieces are, and it is Him who sets our captivity free, and makes our crooked places straight. We cannot do that while DENYING it ever happened. Only knowing the truth makes us free. Denial isn't conducive to truth. We cannot put the oast behind us while we're denying anything happened. God's intention is to bring us through the wilderness, into our Promised Land.

I see what you mean; there is also the consideration of Isaiah 48.10 in post #1785, above.

 

[farouk]

2 Cor. 4:7 Now we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this surpassingly great power is from God and not from us. 8 We are hard pressed on all sides, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; 9 persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed.

Psalm 37:24 Though he falls, he will not be overwhelmed, for the LORD is holding his hand.

Psalm 129:2 many a time they have persecuted me from my youth, but they have not prevailed against me.

Romans 8:35 Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or distress or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword?

Jeremiah 20:11 But the LORD is with me like a fearsome warrior. Therefore, my persecutors will stumble and will not prevail. Since they have not succeeded, they will be utterly put to shame, with an everlasting disgrace that will never be forgotten.

Jeremiah 1:8 Do not be afraid of them, for I am with you to deliver you," declares the LORD.

@truthquest Great verses there!

 

[TLHKAJ]

@Mayflower @truthquest @lilygrace
Take a listen to this song. This song was written and sung by an SRA survivor with DID. I think it states very well what our healing journey looks like. This is how we put the past behind us.

@Shattered Idk if you're able to listen, but I think it would be good to try.

 

[Shattered]

Facing the horror is the work of the Lord, @farouk . This is His work in us, that what was once shattered and subsequently fragmented shall be made whole again. We confront our fears... face the terror... experience the memories of disparate fragments of ourselves... and as those fragments become aware of other fragments, the Lord moves us toward merging.

Denial only reinforces past programming, permitting it to remain in effect. As of this time, I've experienced merging with three fragments (alternate personalities) which is the fulfillment of the Lord's promise to make me whole.

 

[TLHKAJ]

Think you misunderstand, sister... Farouk offered great encouragement to me.

I don't believe I did. I know you've had a very intense struggle with denial. Tell me something.... what does "forgetting those things that are behind" mean to you in light of the healing process?

 

[farouk]

A verse which comes to mind is Psalm 22.1: "My God, my God, why hast thou forsaken me?"

"Behold! behold the Lamb of God,
On the cross! On the cross!
For us He shed His precious blood,
On the cross! On the cross!
O hear His all-important cry,
“Eli, lama sabachthani?”
Draw near and see the Savior die,
On the cross! On the cross!
2
Behold His arms extended wide,
On the cross! On the cross!
Behold His bleeding hands and side,
On the cross! On the cross!
The sun withholds its rays of light,
The heav’ns are clothed in shades of night,
While Jesus wins the glorious fight,
On the cross! On the cross!
3
By faith we see Him lifted up,
On the cross! On the cross!
He drinks for us the bitter cup,
On the cross! On the cross!
The rocks do rend, the mountains quake,
While Jesus all our sins doth take,
While Jesus suffers for our sake,
On the cross! On the cross!
4
And now the mighty deed is done,
On the cross! On the cross!
The battle fought, the vict’ry won,
On the cross! On the cross!
To heav’n He turns triumphant eyes;
” ’Tis finished” now, the Conqu’ror cries,
Then bows His sacred head and dies,
On the cross! On the cross!
5
But now He’s ris’n, ascended, crowned,
On the throne! On the throne!
Heav’n’s highest place for Him is found,
On the throne! On the throne!
Our hearts we low in worship bow,
And join, as one, to hail Him now:
“Worthy, O Lamb of God, art Thou!”
On the throne! On the throne!"

 

[TLHKAJ]

Condemnation/mistakes/not letting past destroy you.

When I was in Teen Challenge we had to give our testimony in church even when we didn't feel like it. This was always my "life" verse I called it. I'd say it every time. I get strength every time I say it looking back on things. Because a test has to be remembered to be a testimony to help others...

Good ... thank you for sharing.