Why do addicts lie and blame constantly?

[GEN2REV]

I guess I understand the surface reason, but I'm interested in what you, who have dealt with family members/close friends who are addicted, have to say about anything to do with this area of the dynamics of addiction.

I have a family member, a younger sibling, who I was very close with from early on until around their time in college, where I believe their addictions/habits really solidified.

They are addicted to alcohol and ritalin/stratera/adderall drugs. I do see how they have formulated a logic to their use of the drugs to help them do their job, and I, personally, am of the belief, from my own experience, that anybody who uses any type of stimulant on a regular basis will experience very strong cravings for a downer chemical; in this case, alcohol.

I believe the mind/body becomes so taxed by the upper that it craves rest and some opposite chemical to provide that rest, or at least balance itself out more.

Because I have tried the hardest to get through to this sibling about their drug/alc use, they have banned me from their life; banned all communication and conducted a many-years-long smear campaign against me to all other family members, as well as mutual friends. This has not been a fruitless effort on their part. They have permanently damaged multiple relationships of mine and caused massive pain, stress and anxiety in me.

One of the main topics I'd like to discuss is all of the gaslighting tactics these type of addicts employ. This person lies constantly and often accuses me of doing the very things they are doing, which I am not doing. They've convinced themselves that I am a bad, evil person and relentlessly speak to me as such, as well as to others about me.

They've made an unspoken rule that we are not allowed to ever speak of anything they do, or have done, wrong and never speak of anything to do with their use of drugs/alc to them. We are punished with text message attacks, sometimes all throughout the middle of the night - often months/years after the "offense", as well as excommunication for long periods if we break these rules. I sometimes will go along with it for short periods because I value communication with this younger sibling and love them very much (at least the person they were before the substance issues), but I am forced at times to address certain actions/behaviors because I refuse to accept that they should be allowed to never experience any consequences for their behavior; and often times their behavior is hurtful or damaging to our elderly parents.

This person's idea of making amends is for you to sit quietly and allow them to criticize, insult and accuse you of all manner of nonsense, and you must apologize for all things they've deemed you guilty of, some from years back, until they have satisfied themselves.

I have read, in my research upon this topic, that long term users of alcohol exist in a certifiable state of insanity. I am convinced, and saddened, that this is accurate.

I'm not sure I can narrow this down to any specific questions, besides that of the title, but I would very much appreciate any feedback on these aspects of addiction.

Thank you.

 

[GEN2REV]

Anybody ever had to completely cut off an addict friend or family member?

If so, why and what were the results?

 

[Wynona]

Yes, but I don't feel I should go into detail.

The result was that my life got much easier and better.

Sometimes the only way is for people to change is to be alone and suffer the consequences of their own actions.

 

[GEN2REV]

Yes, but I don't feel I should go into detail.

The result was that my life got much easier and better.

Sometimes the only way is for people to change is to be alone and suffer the consequences of their own actions.

Thank you for the response.

Life is certainly less stressful and chaotic without communication with them. You never stop feeling a sense of guilt, though, that they're out there destroying themselves and there's nothing you can do about it. Being alone seems to be their ever-increasing state; the effects of the substances seem to do permanent damage to all relationships around the user.

I have read, and seen in documentaries, that the ritalin/stratera/adderall chemical is like 99% identical to the meth chemical. If that's true, it answers a lot of questions as to how profoundly long-term users' personalities can change for the worse. I have friends who got mixed up in meth for years and they've never been the same.

Lord have mercy on all those fighting this losing battle.

 

[Enoch111]

I have read, in my research upon this topic, that long term users of alcohol exist in a certifiable state of insanity. I am convinced, and saddened, that this is accurate.

This sounds about right. It is insane to believe that any chemical ingested into the body can resolve problems that lie in the spiritual realm. But when you carefully look around you the virus of insanity has infected the world, particularly after January 2020. It was the Chinese "Year of the Rat". Are rats insane? It would seem so. Today the political leaders of almost all countries are insane when you carefully examine their insane ideas and policies. There was no COVID pandemic, yet people are still walking around OUTDOORS AND IN FRESH AIR AND SUNSHINE wearing masks! Every COVID "vaccine" was totally useless and extremely lethal and dangerous, yet people are being asked to take the jab. Then we have the insanity of Biden and his officials, Putin and his cronies, Trudeau and his thugs, etc. There is more than enough oil in North America, and Biden is begging the rogue states of Russia, Iran, and Venezuela for oil! This is beyond insane.

 

[Aunty Jane]

In my own experience, mainly with a close friend who was addicted to alcohol, I came to see things through her eyes after she told me what had driven her to take refuge in alcohol. She was sexually abused by her father as a child. He was an alcoholic and her mother began drinking as a means to cope with his physical abuse. When they were both drunk, it was a living hell to grow up in that environment. She was one of five children and no one ever spoke about the sexual abuse because they were afraid of the repercussions. The drunken physical abuse was an every day occurrence.

Out of 5 children, all became alcoholics....all have died of their addiction in various circumstances, except her. No one knows why because she often drank metholated spirits or vanilla essence when she couldn't buy alcohol...by all accounts she should be dead too.

She explained to me that her mind would go into overdrive as a result of her experiences and the fact that no one had protected her. The little girl inside her was screaming but no one outside of the family helped, because no one knew. Her father somehow held down a job. Most of what he earned was spent on alcohol and they grew vegetables and had chickens in order to have something to eat.

She later married a narcissistic, controlling, wealthy fool of a man who treated her like some kind of trophy wife. He decided what she wore, how she did her hair and where she went.....all adding to her lack of self worth. She had a child but her drinking became a nightmare for all of them. Her daughter grew up in an alcoholic household just as she had done....this time the trauma for her daughter was coming home from school to find her mother passed out on the floor soaked in urine and lying in her own vomit.

She explained to me that to make her mind stop racing with her escalating and irrational thoughts, alcohol was the only thing that made it stop. She would drink until she passed out. But then the shame at what others told her she had done in her alcoholic stupor drove her to drink even more. It was a devastating cycle that was self perpetuating.

She had been attending AA meetings for decades but because the problems had not been properly addressed and settled, there was no real change in her behavior. Sometimes the damage to the human psyche is just so great that there will be no real healing in this world. She still struggles but I know I will never condemn any alcoholic again.....I believe that it is usually a matter of self-medication to treat a pain that is so deep seated and lasting that no amount of counseling or pill popping will make it go away. Unless you know their story, you should never condemn.

 

[Rita]

This sounds about right. It is insane to believe that any chemical ingested into the body can resolve problems that lie in the spiritual realm. But when you carefully look around you the virus of insanity has infected the world, particularly after January 2020. It was the Chinese "Year of the Rat". Are rats insane? It would seem so. Today the political leaders of almost all countries are insane when you carefully examine their insane ideas and policies. There was no COVID pandemic, yet people are still walking around OUTDOORS AND IN FRESH AIR AND SUNSHINE wearing masks! Every COVID "vaccine" was totally useless and extremely lethal and dangerous, yet people are being asked to take the jab. Then we have the insanity of Biden and his officials, Putin and his cronies, Trudeau and his thugs, etc. There is more than enough oil in North America, and Biden is begging the rogue states of Russia, Iran, and Venezuela for oil! This is beyond insane.

Seriously …..why turn the subject being discussed into a thread about covid and politics.
The subject being discussed here is very personal and must be incredibly hard to deal with, I personally think the only line that is relevant is the first one in your post. It conveys a truth, but even that is far removed from the reality of addiction and how it starts and imprisons a person and how it’s has a knock on effect to those around them.
Rita

 

[GEN2REV]

This sounds about right. It is insane to believe that any chemical ingested into the body can resolve problems that lie in the spiritual realm. But when you carefully look around you the virus of insanity has infected the world, particularly after January 2020. It was the Chinese "Year of the Rat". Are rats insane? It would seem so. Today the political leaders of almost all countries are insane when you carefully examine their insane ideas and policies. There was no COVID pandemic, yet people are still walking around OUTDOORS AND IN FRESH AIR AND SUNSHINE wearing masks! Every COVID "vaccine" was totally useless and extremely lethal and dangerous, yet people are being asked to take the jab. Then we have the insanity of Biden and his officials, Putin and his cronies, Trudeau and his thugs, etc. There is more than enough oil in North America, and Biden is begging the rogue states of Russia, Iran, and Venezuela for oil! This is beyond insane.

I am convinced that addiction is a spiritual matter. Some even believe that it's an actual demon that is in control, not an official possession, but a matter of great influence based on the user's permission given when they turn to the substance for help with their perceived issues.

The actions, thoughts, scenarios that surround someone who is heavily addicted just seem too intelligent to be the ravings of a mad person. Meaning sometimes the timing of certain things said, or actions, are just too coincidentally perfectly destructive to those around them to be by chance. It will convince those who observe it long-term that there is an actual intelligence to what is going on.

I also believe N. America has plenty of oil.

 

[GEN2REV]

In my own experience, mainly with a close friend who was addicted to alcohol, I came to see things through her eyes after she told me what had driven her to take refuge in alcohol. She was sexually abused by her father as a child. He was an alcoholic and her mother began drinking as a means to cope with his physical abuse. When they were both drunk, it was a living hell to grow up in that environment. She was one of five children and no one ever spoke about the sexual abuse because they were afraid of the repercussions. The drunken physical abuse was an every day occurrence.

Out of 5 children, all became alcoholics....all have died of their addiction in various circumstances, except her. No one knows why because she often drank metholated spirits or vanilla essence when she couldn't buy alcohol...by all accounts she should be dead too.

She explained to me that her mind would go into overdrive as a result of her experiences and the fact that no one had protected her. The little girl inside her was screaming but no one outside of the family helped, because no one knew. Her father somehow held down a job. Most of what he earned was spent on alcohol and they grew vegetables and had chickens in order to have something to eat.

She later married a narcissistic, controlling, wealthy fool of a man who treated her like some kind of trophy wife. He decided what she wore, how she did her hair and where she went.....all adding to her lack of self worth. She had a child but her drinking became a nightmare for all of them. Her daughter grew up in an alcoholic household just as she had done....this time the trauma for her daughter was coming home from school to find her mother passed out on the floor soaked in urine and lying in her own vomit.

She explained to me that to make her mind stop racing with her escalating and irrational thoughts, alcohol was the only thing that made it stop. She would drink until she passed out. But then the shame at what others told her she had done in her alcoholic stupor drove her to drink even more. It was a devastating cycle that was self perpetuating.

She had been attending AA meetings for decades but because the problems had not been properly addressed and settled, there was no real change in her behavior. Sometimes the damage to the human psyche is just so great that there will be no real healing in this world. She still struggles but I know I will never condemn any alcoholic again.....I believe that it is usually a matter of self-medication to treat a pain that is so deep seated and lasting that no amount of counseling or pill popping will make it go away. Unless you know their story, you should never condemn.

Very sad and tragic as most of these stories are, especially the generational scenarios as you've shared.

I will add that there is also an interesting dynamic to addiction that I've found curious with my sibling in that, though so many turn to drugs/alc to cope with traumas that they experienced, in this case, there was no trauma and no real excuse for the use. They weren't raised in a bad way, no abuse, etc. In fact, they were very loved by all, had plenty of good things, but once they discovered alcohol in high school, and really developed habits with it in college, they began lying about their reasons for using. Completely fabricating stories about abuse and troubled childhood.

Before anybody assumes there may have been issues I didn't know about, I can tell you with absolute certainty it didn't happen. This conclusion is supported strongly by the fact that their excuses, and stories, have now changed to those that are more appropriate, or easier to prove, like other family member's illnesses, etc. In that sense, it's like the alcohol took on a life of its own because there was no existing damage to draw them to it and hold them captive. Just, seemingly, the desire to drink that has now turned into a debilitating condition that has completely taken over their life and is actively killing them.

This is also where I feel the ritalin-type meds played a big part in the development of the addiction because they were present from very early in grade school years through this present day. So I feel that when alc was introduced, the experience, and hook, was more profound than it would've been without many years of the ritalin to begin with.

 

[GEN2REV]

the reality of addiction and how it starts and imprisons a person and how it’s has a knock on effect to those around them.

Truly the scariest thing about it.

I have seen so many friends and family members become owned by substances, it's hard for me to understand why I've been able to avoid being trapped. I was baptized at around 9 years old and that is the only reason I can think of why I might've been spared the inescapable devastation of any drugs/alc.

Some are convinced it's a chemical dynamic, and maybe it is, but it also seems to be so mental as well. I have always been a seeker of Truth as long as I can remember. Straight out of high school I dropped many things and began seeking Truth and spirituality in all the books I could find.

That has always reminded me of 2 Thessalonians 2:10. Those who don't develop a love for Truth will be lost. I have always been grateful for my fascination, and curiosity, with all things. Keeps you learning daily, but it also seems to lead you to profound Truth and ultimately free you from the trappings of this world.

Praise the Lord.

 

[Enoch111]

Seriously …..why turn the subject being discussed into a thread about covid and politics.

Because addiction, COVID, and politics are all related. Addictions and suicides went through the roof during the lockdowns and all the other accompanying nonsense which impacted on the mental health of people. And the open southern border of the USA ensured that it would be flooded with fentanyl and other hard drugs. And that is exactly what happened. Here is a research paper that connects the dots.

"COVID-19 was first identified in Wuhan, China in December of 2019 and appeared in the United States 1 month later. Between the onset of the pandemic and January 13, 2021, over 92 million people have tested positive for the virus and over 1.9 million people have died globally. Virtually every country in the world has been impacted by this virus. Beginning in March 2020, many U.S. state governments enforced a “quarantine” to respond to the growing health crisis. Citizens were required to remain at home; schools, restaurants, and non-essential businesses were forced to close, and large gatherings were prohibited. Americans' lives were transformed in a span of days as daily routines were interrupted and people were shuttered indoors. Mounting fear and unpredictability coupled with widespread unemployment and social isolation escalated anxiety and impacted the mental health of millions across the globe. Most (53%) U.S. adults reported that the coronavirus outbreak has had a negative impact on their mental health, including inducing or exacerbating use of alcohol, drugs, gambling and overeating as coping mechanisms. In this paper, we will examine substance use and addictive behaviors that have been used to manage the stress and uncertainty wrought by the COVID-19 pandemic. We review the changing treatment landscape as therapy pivoted online and telemedicine became the norm."
Substance Use Disorders and Behavioral Addictions During the COVID-19 Pandemic and COVID-19-Related Restrictions

 

[Jim B]

Because addiction, COVID, and politics are all related. Addictions and suicides went through the roof during the lockdowns and all the other accompanying nonsense which impacted on the mental health of people. And the open southern border of the USA ensured that it would be flooded with fentanyl and other hard drugs. And that is exactly what happened. Here is a research paper that connects the dots.

"COVID-19 was first identified in Wuhan, China in December of 2019 and appeared in the United States 1 month later. Between the onset of the pandemic and January 13, 2021, over 92 million people have tested positive for the virus and over 1.9 million people have died globally. Virtually every country in the world has been impacted by this virus. Beginning in March 2020, many U.S. state governments enforced a “quarantine” to respond to the growing health crisis. Citizens were required to remain at home; schools, restaurants, and non-essential businesses were forced to close, and large gatherings were prohibited. Americans' lives were transformed in a span of days as daily routines were interrupted and people were shuttered indoors. Mounting fear and unpredictability coupled with widespread unemployment and social isolation escalated anxiety and impacted the mental health of millions across the globe. Most (53%) U.S. adults reported that the coronavirus outbreak has had a negative impact on their mental health, including inducing or exacerbating use of alcohol, drugs, gambling and overeating as coping mechanisms. In this paper, we will examine substance use and addictive behaviors that have been used to manage the stress and uncertainty wrought by the COVID-19 pandemic. We review the changing treatment landscape as therapy pivoted online and telemedicine became the norm."
Substance Use Disorders and Behavioral Addictions During the COVID-19 Pandemic and COVID-19-Related Restrictions

Addiction, COVID, and politics are not related. Addiction is a habit-forming overuse of drugs, COVID-19 is a virus, politics is the art or science of government. The southern US border is not open; it is highly controlled.

Anybody can come up with a "research paper" that can "prove" any viewpoint, including a flat earth and Sasquatch.

 

[Enoch111]

The southern US border is not open; it is highly controlled.

Highly controlled by the Mexican drug cartels?

Do you know that close to two million illegal migrant invaders have invaded the USA during the last twelve months (under Biden) through that border? And that the influx of fentanyl and other hard drugs has also gone through the roof because the border is essentially open? So you are either out of touch with reality or trying to boost the radical Leftist agenda.

"Data from the National Center for Health Statistics indicate that drug overdose deaths in the United States have increased by 28.5% during 2020–2021, from 78,056 during a 12-month period ending in April 2020 to 100,306 during the same period in 2021 (1)."
Notes from the Field: Increased Incidence of Fentanyl-Related Deaths..

The above happened after Biden took office. So Joe Biden is probably the biggest drug kingpin in the world.

 

[Jim B]

Highly controlled by the Mexican drug cartels?

Do you know that close to two million illegal migrant invaders have invaded the USA during the last twelve months (under Biden) through that border? And that the influx of fentanyl and other hard drugs has also gone through the roof because the border is essentially open? So you are either out of touch with reality or trying to boost the radical Leftist agenda.

"Data from the National Center for Health Statistics indicate that drug overdose deaths in the United States have increased by 28.5% during 2020–2021, from 78,056 during a 12-month period ending in April 2020 to 100,306 during the same period in 2021 (1)."
Notes from the Field: Increased Incidence of Fentanyl-Related Deaths..

The above happened after Biden took office. So Joe Biden is probably the biggest drug kingpin in the world.

Since you are out of touch with reality I am blocking your posts from now on.

 

[Enoch111]

Since you are out of touch with reality I am blocking your posts from now on.

That is perfectly fine. Some people simply cannot handle the truth.

 

[marks]

I'm not sure I can narrow this down to any specific questions, besides that of the title, but I would very much appreciate any feedback on these aspects of addiction.

Addicts guard their supply, and anyone who points to their addiction threatens that, so they have to be discredited, or otherwise neutralized.

I have a goodly amount of experience with addiction, both as an addict, and knowing addicts.

One of the main topics I'd like to discuss is all of the gaslighting tactics these type of addicts employ.

Addicts live in denial over the cause and cure of their addiction, and gaslighting others is the attempt to either get others to join in your denial, or to block their other messages from getting through.

Addiction feels like survival, and the struggle is life an death. Addiction, whether drug addiction or behavioral addictions are chemical processes which engineer mental states to support the chemical process. The addict will not be able to function without the drug, whether ingested, such as uppers and downers, or endogenous, such as by cutting one's self to release endorphins.

To answer your question, why do addicts constantly lie and blame? So they won't have to stop.

Much love!