Understanding MPD/DID & SRA/MK

[TLHKAJ]

Thank you for sharing this, @TLHKAJ . I used the content of your post to identify what applies to me. I have to do this because of accelerated switching... I come and go. The greater the stress, the more often switching takes place.


A lifetime of abuse; a lifetime of problems

*Distrust (In the first year of life, an infant determines whether the world is a safe place or not.)
*Self rejection & self-hatred
*Fear, anxiety, & phobias
*Difficulty with relationships (I can't keep friends for very long)
*Difficulty with authority
*Difficulty keeping a steady job
*Health challenges
*Lack of, or difficulty bonding (Cults forbid some bonds, and foster bonds with programmers and handlers.)

Here is a partial list of SRA symptoms:
*Sleep walking, nightmares, insomnia, and sleep disturbances
*Spiritual attacks - often at night (always at night)
*Panic attacks, anxiety, phobias (drowning)
*Headaches
*Frequent crises, emotional rollercoasters - depression, anger, anxiety
*Noticeable demonic interference (more like opposition)
*Suicidal ideations (past)
*Hearing voices inside the head (alters) (very frequent, speaking as the presenter)
*Fear around torturing or killing animals or people
*Dissociation
*PTSD (severe)
*Aversion with violence (makes me physically ill)
*Attraction to movies with violent content (ironic considering my aversion to violence)
Fascination with Star Wars, etc
Added: attraction to metal music

Questions to ponder:
1. Do you remember the first 10 years of your life? Consider large memory gaps. (missing time)
2. Does your handwriting change between print to cursive? Or perhaps, does your handwriting look different at different times? (yes)
3. Do you have "blue blood" (illuminati, masonic, or royal bloodlines), or famous people (such as presidents or actors, scientists, etc) in your family history? (a famous inventor, and many inventors who never achieved fame. Actors and musicians. Dangerous men, military men, spies, assassins.)

Common physical health issues with survivors:
*Physical pain - back pain/scoliosis, spinal/skeletal issues, headaches/migraines, nausea, body memories or pain/injuries with unknown origin
*Adrenal exhaustion (manifested as asthma, allergies, hormonal imbalance - high testosterone, MCSI & chronic fatigue, low neurotransmitter issues such as depression & insomnia) Adrenaline/rage
*Brain impairment - autism (high-functioning)

Common spiritual issues with survivors of SRA/MK:
*Difficulty believing or trusting God
-"Why did He let it happen?"
*Anger toward God (past)
*Uncomfortable in church settings
*SRA-Christian based programming
-Bible verses & hymns (etc) are triggers
-Candles & circles are triggers
*Abuse by a false Jesus (causing fear of Jesus)
*Reversal programming
-God is bad/Satan good (past)
*Shame & guilt from ritual involvement

The best medicine is a genuine experience with the real, true Jesus! (He is kind and merciful to me)

Mental health issues that often accompany SRA/MK:
*Depression (current)
*Anxiety and panic attacks (current)
*PTSD & hyper vigilance (current and severe)
*Suicide attempts (past)

@Shattered It took a lot of mental and emotional energy to go through that list. Good job! I remember the days when something like this took every bit of emotional strength I could muster amidst tons of switching and triggers. There was a time things would be so intense, I would go silent for a few days and my Christian counselor would email me to check on me. (We worked long distance, being over 2 hours apart.) It would often take me hours to complete an email reply to her, due to all the intensity inside.

So I know how much strength it takes to work through a list such as what I posted. Thank you for sharing!!

 

[lilygrace]

do you think autism can be a possible misdiagnosis or front for SRA and DID in some? my family is obsessed with making me seem like i have a disability.
edited to note: there is no shame in having this and i probably do have this but still....

 

[TLHKAJ]

do you think autism can be a possible misdiagnosis or front for SRA and DID in some? my family is obsessed with making me seem like i have a disability.

Yes, I do. Many survivors will have alters who present with autistic qualities, or have a front system who is autistic.

My oldest son and oldest daughter both present with Asperger's... high functioning, intelligent. My husband has these symptoms as well.

I have found alter fragments who completely cut off from any connection to anyone, due to the severe level and amount of torture we endured (specifically, being used as a gateway on the altars for high level entities to pass through). That would be on the severe spectrum. But the Lord has been able to reach them, and I, with His help. Idk how many survivors have parts like that, who were completely severed from any connections (with time, space, people). But in my experience, those alters did what they had to do for the rest to survive. They haven't lost their intelligence, it is just locked away in an isolated place.

 

[lilygrace]

Yes, I do. Many survivors will have alters who present with autistic qualities, or have a front system who is autistic.

My oldest son and oldest daughter both present with Asperger's... high functioning, intelligent. My husband has these symptoms as well.

I have found alter fragments who completely cut off from any connection to anyone, due to the severe level and amount of torture we endured (specifically, being used as a gateway on the altars for high level entities to pass through). That would be on the severe spectrum. But the Lord has been able to reach them, and I, with His help. Idk how many survivors have parts like that, who were completely severed from any connections (with time, space, people). But in my experience, those alters did what they had to do for the rest to survive. They haven't lost their intelligence, it is just locked away in an isolated place.

the whole system hash been upset this week. my mom and sister are suggesting i see a specialized counselor in autism. i think this is why i am asking
this is a good explanation and it makes my heart ache.

i might do an inventory like shattered has done. dont feel ready

 

[TLHKAJ]

the whole system hash been upset this week. my mom and sister are suggesting i see a specialized counselor in autism. i think this is why i am asking
this is a good explanation and it makes my heart ache.

i might do an inventory like shattered has done. dont feel ready

I definitely would feel leery of trusting any advice coming from family. But yes, it makes sense. I've never pushed my kids to see any secular or professional therapist. I know how thoroughly this area is infiltrated (both secular and Christian).

I think it would benefit you to go through and make an inventory like @Shattered did. If you don't feel like you can, but feel like it would be a good thing ...just push yourself a little and make a start. If you need to take breaks and do it in stages, that's okay too. It may be easier on you to do it that way.

 

[Shattered]

@Shattered It took a lot of mental and emotional energy to go through that list. Good job! I remember the days when something like this took every bit of emotional strength I could muster amidst tons of switching and triggers. There was a time things would be so intense, I would go silent for a few days and my Christian counselor would email me to check on me. (We worked long distance, being over 2 hours apart.) It would often take me hours to complete an email reply to her, due to all the intensity inside.

So I know how much strength it takes to work through a list such as what I posted. Thank you for sharing!!

I've been so drained that I'm effectively numb. I can face all of it without denial, but the heart of the problem lately has been rapid switching. Wrathful alters lashing out, which is why I created a testimonial thread so I can give them a place to vent without distracting from this topic.

I have to weather the storm. Fighting to repress them does more harm than good, but it's been draining me dry. Thank you for a being a friend.

 

[TLHKAJ]

You're very welcome, @Shattered. I'm grateful to be here with other survivors.

 

[TLHKAJ]

edited to note: there is no shame in having this and i probably do have this but still....

No shame whatsoever.

i might do an inventory like shattered has done. dont feel ready

I know I mentioned pushing a little to get started, but by all means, take it slow and don't push when you're in a rough place. Emotional safety is more important. Don't feel bad if you can't do it just yet.
hugs

 

[Shattered]

Yes, I do. Many survivors will have alters who present with autistic qualities, or have a front system who is autistic.

My oldest son and oldest daughter both present with Asperger's... high functioning, intelligent. My husband has these symptoms as well.

I have found alter fragments who completely cut off from any connection to anyone, due to the severe level and amount of torture we endured (specifically, being used as a gateway on the altars for high level entities to pass through). That would be on the severe spectrum. But the Lord has been able to reach them, and I, with His help. Idk how many survivors have parts like that, who were completely severed from any connections (with time, space, people). But in my experience, those alters did what they had to do for the rest to survive. They haven't lost their intelligence, it is just locked away in an isolated place.

I've been coming into the knowledge of this truth in myself. Some alters are high-functioning on the autism spectrum (Asperger's), but I (the presenter) am not. It was bewildering for the longest time.

The link is indisputable. The survivor whom I protected and served until she passed from this world had autistic alters. She was drawn to Special Education and there's no question the Lord put her there... she was definitely not a part of the cult system. She was considered an outsider because she insisted upon learning all she could about children before coming up with an approach to teach them.

She introduced this to me one day out of the blue by announcing, "Satanic Ritual Abuse is real!" Yes, SRA was very prevalent among the children whom the schools sent her way. She discovered it precisely because was an outsider. Ah, but the Lord blessed our sister with a most amazing gift: she could teach children who couldn't speak how to say their first words... she discovered one little boy had a horrible allergy to nitrites which caused him to act out in violent ways...

She understood them because of her alters. She was an astonishing woman and the Lord used her greatly.

 

[Shattered]

the whole system hash been upset this week. my mom and sister are suggesting i see a specialized counselor in autism. i think this is why i am asking
this is a good explanation and it makes my heart ache.

i might do an inventory like shattered has done. dont feel ready

I've been going through it myself for weeks now. This can be hard to grab hold of, dear sister, on account of the suffering and misery we are going through... but this is progress blessed by the Lord Himself. I'm so thankful for @TLHKAJ and her efforts on this forum. Thankful, but ashamed because of wrathful alters who lash out from their torment and misery.

I will continue to pray for you. May the will of our Lord Jesus Christ carry you on wings of eagles, @lilygrace . I know circumstances only complicate matters for you. Never forget that you will overcome because the Lord loves you like no other. Yes, He does!

 

[marksman]

It has been said that Autism on the high end is a blessing as it enable you to comprehend and understand things that ordinary people miss. The problem often is that ordinary people don't always like being shown up to be deficient in some areas.

I looked at several sites dedicated to understanding autism and the general consensus was that someone has to change and it can't be the autistic person because they can't change. The other person who is not autistic has to change. For example, you don't make a statement when talking to an autistic person, you ask a question as in "Your car needs fixing" and the autistic person will say in their head, "How do you know?" What the person has to say is "Does your car need fixing?" And the reply is "You could be right about that, by the way it sounds. Thanks for reminding me. "

 

[lilygrace]

dreams this weekend....
hiding from a big cat and it was near me but didnt seem to actually see me or was a big threat. i hid anyway. i think i dreamed this sunday or saturday night.
it seemed like the same dream but also i was dreaming about having to go to ther est room but in the rest room in the dream i saw a small male child who seemed like he was from a developing country. he seemed scared of me at first but as a relieved myself and left him alone he was fine.

 

[TLHKAJ]

dreams this weekend....
hiding from a big cat and it was near me but didnt seem to actually see me or was a big threat. i hid anyway. i think i dreamed this sunday or saturday night.
it seemed like the same dream but also i was dreaming about having to go to ther est room but in the rest room in the dream i saw a small male child who seemed like he was from a developing country. he seemed scared of me at first but as a relieved myself and left him alone he was fine.

Do you sense there was any memory content in these dreams?

 

[lilygrace]

Do you sense there was any memory content in these dreams?

Not really....

 

[lilygrace]

For example I've only had dreams of r*pe but can't recall it to my daytime awake memories.
A lot of my dreams are vivid and I can tell they are dreams.
I sometimes feel memories can be mixed with present in dreams . Idk

 

[TLHKAJ]

For example I've only had dreams of r*pe but can't recall it to my daytime awake memories.
A lot of my dreams are vivid and I can tell they are dreams.
I sometimes feel memories can be mixed with present in dreams . Idk

You're absolutely right...
My alters have very often given me memories in dreams.
#1, it's less traumatic than invasive daytime flashbacks.
#2, it is a clever way to get around the dissociative barriers between them and the front system.

I know a survivor who was programmed with "dream catcher" alters to keep her (front presenter system) from remembering dreams and getting memories via dreams. Programmers are very aware that the mind will find ways to release memories, often in "dreams."

I was told things like, "It was just a dream." My mother and other adults in the family would tell me that. It didn't take long before I learned to use it as a coping (denial) mechanism. If a memory popped into the forefront of my mind, I would push it back, and tell myself, "That's not true. You must've dreamed it."

Does any of this sound familiar?

 

[Shattered]

Dreams are how memories of rituals (and unspeakable things) have been passed to me. Words cannot express what this has been doing to me lately.

First, I had no idea that I'm afflicted with DID.
Second, I discovered my connection to MKUltra.
Third, while I remember being tempted by unclean spirits, I hadn't an inkling about what transpired years before that. I didn't know... until I remembered a dream I experienced 40+ years ago. Spurred on by memory, I tracked down a song that was popular on the radio around the time of that dream and when I listened to it again, I experienced the dream in a waking state. It destroyed me all over again.

Coming to terms with SRA is proving to be the greatest challenge I've faced since the Lord revealed my shattering to me. When I mention "unspeakable things" I mean exactly that... too evil and horrifying to share with another living soul.

 

[Shattered]

This might be a help to you. @lilygrace . I thought I'd write an inventory of what I've been going through since the front --- me, the presenter --- together with systems of alters became aware of DID and each other. First, this is a work of the Lord and there's nothing this world can do to restore us. The Spirit of the Lord initiated this work and so we're in His hand.

For me, the process started a little over year after Christ baptized me in His Spirit. Since that time...

Feeling like I've lost my mind.
Despair, agony, anger, rage, and the sensation of being trapped.
Feeling like I'm a liar.
Fear of abandonment by the Lord because abandonment was a consistent feature of life.
Praying for death so this insanity will end.
Feeling unclean, wicked, lonely, and condemned.
Unspeakable sorrow.
Struggling with my brothers and sisters in Christ: trusting them, believing them, listening to them, being around them, and maintaining relationships with them. Protector alters are hyper-vigilant, looking for the first sign that a Christian is "false" so they might unleash their fury. Their fury is terrible and immense. The Lord has revealed the source of this fury and I despair because of it. I was programmed to hate Christians.

However, the above doesn't apply to my fellow survivors. The guardian alters are very protective of other survivors, especially female survivors. For all those years when I watched, powerless to intervene, while horrific things were done to others, the protectors demand the blood of the tormentor/abuser/predator. I've had to deal with this where I work. I've had to wage war against protectors who wanted to avenge a female survivor. She was assaulted by more than one man and the battle against the protectors was perfectly insane.

It left me vulnerable to those protectors who nurse a grudge against Christians. Unspeakable sorrow, because the last thing on earth I want to do is hurt a brother or sister in Christ. A survivor is safe from their wrath, but others are not.

Switching rapidly.

With all of this said, the Lord hasn't abandoned me. He assures me that whatever hurt has been done to brothers and sisters, it will be reconciled in Him. These things are hard to understand and so I walk in faith, trusting in this work which Jesus Christ started in me.

 

[Joy]

Hello,

I have joined this forum today because I've been read this thread and although I'm not SRA I can relate to much that's written here.
Can feel myself getting emotional I can relate to what is written here
I was in a false Christian group wondering now if it was sra Christian
based programming,

Symptons are

• Difficulty believing or trusting God
• Abuse by a false Jesus (causing fear of Jesus)

I need a genuine experience with the real Jesus i can quote the Bible but do not always feel i know Jesus

Struggling with anxiety depression.
also struggle with severe lonliness. I was adopted and my 'parents' have both died. I have no family, do have a few friends but most of the time feel so isolated etc.

That's why I can understand what each of you is saying here and I trust I can be a part of this group.

 

[Shattered]

Hello,

I have joined this forum today because I've been read this thread and although I'm not SRA I can relate to much that's written here.
Can feel myself getting emotional I can relate to what is written here
I was in a false Christian group wondering now if it was sra Christian
based programming,

Symptons are

• Difficulty believing or trusting God
• Abuse by a false Jesus (causing fear of Jesus)

I need a genuine experience with the real Jesus i can quote the Bible but do not always feel i know Jesus

Struggling with anxiety depression.
also struggle with severe lonliness. I was adopted and my 'parents' have both died. I have no family, do have a few friends but most of the time feel so isolated etc.

That's why I can understand what each of you is saying here and I trust I can be a part of this group.

Welcome, Joy. I'm glad you're here!

I'll share a truth which relates to our programming: everything we've been programmed to believe about our Lord Jesus Christ isn't true.

The Lord is neither angry nor wrathful with us.
He hasn't cursed or forsaken us.
God has regard for our affliction; nothing is hidden from His sight.
Almighty God is merciful, kind, swift to forgive, and remembers that our frame is dust.
He knows what we've been through. The Lord has counted every tear.

The Lord revealed Himself to me and still I suffer. I hear His voice and dare I say it? The words of His mouth are too wonderful! His Spirit declared the end from the beginning on that day when when I was close to death, words which spoke of everything that would come to pass in His hand. It was too wonderful and great for me, and I confessed my struggle to believe what I heard to Him. Was Christ wrathful or displeased?

No, He wasn't. The Lord was pleased with my honesty because He knows the secrets of my heart, Joy. He knows the secrets of our hearts so don't be afraid because you're afflicted and struggle. We've been wounded by counterfeit Christianity and their false Christ so it's my honor to leave you with this for now:

Every word I heard from the mouth of God was too great and wonderful because He wasn't speaking about me alone. The Lord was speaking about all of us! Yes, you too. He loves you like no other, @Joy .