Understanding MPD/DID & SRA/MK

[truthquest]

i guess so.... im still afraid of being evil.
thank you. sorry

Don't listen to the lies of the enemy and his servants. You aren't the one who is evil, they are.

Don't injure yourself. That's what they want you to do. Don't give them that satisfaction. Show them that you are stronger than they think you are and you will be stronger still as you put your trust and faith in God.

 

[lilygrace]

i am struggling with frustration and sadness as i had a new memory anyway yesterday. i was hoping not to have any. it was a least bad of abuse as some i went through. it is not useful for me as a whole.
there is too much dialogue and im tired. four days finished in the semester and feel down. no one has let me know anything really deep for awhile....and then here is the line "shut up! that wasnt bad it could have been worse"
the trigger for this memory of is realizing how much i still depend on them.... at least i think so. and fear and the unloyal person i am.

i updated in a group about how i was doing. i felt gaslit by the fact that this person who said i was beiing abused before seven years ago now suggested i get counseling with my family. i dont see this working.
as far as im concerned from reading things i wish they hadnt, they are basically in control of deciding which dreams and nightmares im allowed to have had.

 

[lilygrace]

i see people moving on with their lives. i do not envy. i fear marriage. i dont trust people.
but those who spaced themselves from me and in other cases my family as a whole have been people who i missed and a good part of my life.
people act like they are afraid to befriend me and blame a parent. "are you allowed to talk to me?"

 

[Shattered]

i see people moving on with their lives. i do not envy. i fear marriage. i dont trust people.
but those who spaced themselves from me and in other cases my family as a whole have been people who i missed and a good part of my life.
people act like they are afraid to befriend me and blame a parent. "are you allowed to talk to me?"

I can relate. I was forbidden to associate with Christians by my handler and punished if I was witnessed in their company. My isolation was encouraged because isolation was an avoidance behavior... if I associated with no one, then I wouldn't incur their wrath.

Unless I approached others to beat them senseless, which I started to do at the age of 14. My primary handler feared for their life because of the prospect of my wrath turning upon them, so different handlers were introduced to "manage" me. Men who were like myself.

 

[lilygrace]

I can relate. I was forbidden to associate with Christians by my handler and punished if I was witnessed in their company. My isolation was encouraged because isolation was an avoidance behavior... if I associated with no one, then I wouldn't incur their wrath.

Unless I approached others to beat them senseless, which I started to do at the age of 14. My primary handler feared for their life because of the prospect of my wrath turning upon them, so different handlers were introduced to "manage" me. Men who were like myself.

growing up i thought the control centered around controlling my mother. but it was me too.
she was made to feel like she was going to mental.
in turn i was treated so.
me and her seemed like we were bonding when i was a teenager as i was going to church and youth group when i could.
it was a treat for me then and i held on to that to disclose quite years later. when i was a child, i felt unloved from her. i was called a princess in a negative tone cos dad would do things for me, feed me, etc and not her. so i feel like i did the work to bond with her only to ruin it later.... can you ruin what you possibly never had maybe?
i would have unexplainable nervous breakdowns and i dont remember why. i was accused of possibly killing my parents one day and was called lizzie borden when i would only self harm or maybe push them or swat if they got in my face.

 

[truthquest]

i am struggling with frustration and sadness as i had a new memory anyway yesterday. i was hoping not to have any. it was a least bad of abuse as some i went through. it is not useful for me as a whole.

Are you having flashbacks and nightmares about things you hadn't remembered before now? If you are, these things will take time to work through and to understand better. If you are having flashbacks and nightmares then that will reveal to you who is trying to hurt you and who has hurt you.

there is too much dialogue and im tired. four days finished in the semester and feel down. no one has let me know anything really deep for awhile....and then here is the line "shut up! that wasnt bad it could have been worse"

It is important to have dialogue. You need to talk to others about what's happened to you. It would be a good idea to write down all you remember in a journal but don't let that journal fall into the wrong hands. It could be used against you. That happened to me. They will use even family members against each other. Family members may not be aware that they are being used that way. But you need to be on guard even against family members especially if they are trying to hurt and control you.

the trigger for this memory of is realizing how much i still depend on them.... at least i think so. and fear and the unloyal person i am.

I don't know how old you are. You may be young and still dependent on your family. You need to distinguish if they have your best interests at heart or if they are trying to hurt and control you. You know how what they do makes you feel. Only you know that. Only you know if they have hurt you.

i updated in a group about how i was doing. i felt gaslit by the fact that this person who said i was beiing abused before seven years ago now suggested i get counseling with my family. i dont see this working.
as far as im concerned from reading things i wish they hadnt, they are basically in control of deciding which dreams and nightmares im allowed to have had.

If you were abused seven years ago by someone, especially a family member, family counseling won't help. It will protect the abuser.

 

[lilygrace]

to clear t hings a little more.... i think i meant the alters can seem very loud sometimes or a lot of dialogue

editing even after i got a reply:
i might have also been unkind to alters or them to each other. i might not communicate with their needs like i should...

 

[truthquest]

to clear t hings a little more.... i think i meant the alters can seem very loud sometimes or a lot of dialogue

In that case, listen only to the alter who is trying to help you. The one who makes you feel better, who gives you encouragement, helps you to be strong, tells you not to hurt yourself, and gives you assurance that you will be okay. The one who tells you good things about yourself not bad things.

 

[lilygrace]

In that case, listen only to the alter who is trying to help you. The one who makes you feel better, who gives you encouragement, helps you to be strong, tells you not to hurt yourself, and gives you assurance that you will be okay. The one who tells you good things about yourself not bad things.

thank you many alters dont seem like that. or if something encouraging comes to my mind i dont know where it is coming from. from the Lord? possibly a more spiritual , mature alter.... not sure. but a lot of fighting inside lol. i think i told T this that i think it would bring a lot of healing if i actually wrote stuff with a pen instead of typing. either that or actually speaking it out could help too.

hope you are well.

 

[truthquest]

thank you many alters dont seem like that. or if something encouraging comes to my mind i dont know where it is coming from. from the Lord? possibly a more spiritual , mature alter.... not sure. but a lot of fighting inside lol. i think i told T this that i think it would bring a lot of healing if i actually wrote stuff with a pen instead of typing. either that or actually speaking it out could help too.

hope you are well.

All good things ultimately come from the LORD. The goal is to integrate the alters to all be on the same side, on your side, and not continue to be loyal to the cult. There are alters who need to feel safe enough to come forward and share with you and help you to recover memories so that you can begin to heal. There may be deep pain within you that needs to be released but not by hurting yourself. That will only hurt you more and alters need to see if you're strong enough to protect them before they communicate what you need to know.

It is important to have faith and trust in the LORD first and foremost. Prayer is extremely important. Faith is very important. I have found that no matter how bad things have been for me, as long as I maintain faith and trust in the LORD and persevere in prayer, I am not alone and I am not afraid no matter what happens.

I have been able to integrate my alters for the most part. I feel at peace with that. I know that I have to continue to be on guard against the enemy. I can't do that without the LORD's help. I won't allow doubt or fear because the enemy sees that as weakness and an opportunity to attack.

 

[lilygrace]

my mother keeps a medicine box with things locked up. its cos of me. i have no problem with that. my problem is my sister being privy to this. i resent her. that was just a trigger last night cos she asked her where she put it cos she forgot where she put it. i moved the box. will i get in trouble for it? probably.
i dont care at this point.
my mother needs her permission to believe me about stuff and i dont want it. i hid the box now where it can still be easily found.

i just feel hiding pills is just laziness . i bought my own ibuprofen for a bit. was i actually supposed to? no not according to their rules but this isnt the stupid mission anymore. i am responsible for myself.

 

[lilygrace]

Psalm 142
I cried unto the Lord with my voice; with my voice unto the Lord did I make my supplication.

2 I poured out my complaint before him; I shewed before him my trouble.

3 When my spirit was overwhelmed within me, then thou knewest my path. In the way wherein I walked have they privily laid a snare for me.

4 I looked on my right hand, and beheld, but there was no man that would know me: refuge failed me; no man cared for my soul.

5 I cried unto thee, O Lord: I said, Thou art my refuge and my portion in the land of the living.

6 Attend unto my cry; for I am brought very low: deliver me from my persecutors; for they are stronger than I.

7 Bring my soul out of prison, that I may praise thy name: the righteous shall compass me about; for thou shalt deal bountifully with me.

 

[lilygrace]

I've been really triggered non stop.
I have to walk by my nieces room to get to and from my room. .she always tells me not to look and and the worse time was her getting dressed right in front of the door and asked " why are you looking at me" She acts like i peek in and lust for her. I feel like a pedophile.
So i end up biting or hitting myself. I feel so angry at her. She's the worst.
No one cares about me.

 

[TLHKAJ]

I've been really triggered non stop.
I have to walk by my nieces room to get to and from my room. .she always tells me not to look and and the worse time was her getting dressed right in front of the door and asked " why are you looking at me" She acts like i peek in and lust for her. I feel like a pedophile.
So i end up biting or hitting myself. I feel so angry at her. She's the worst.
No one cares about me.

When I am getting dressed, I not only close my door, but I lock it. I don't want someone accidentally walking in on me.

There is something very wrong about someone purposefully leaving their bedroom door open while getting dressed, and then complaining if someone accidentally sees them as they pass by.

I have seen cases where one member of the family is singled out to be gaslit ...it is so common in cult families.

Praying for you.

 

[TLHKAJ]

Prayer to Break Generational Iniquity

In the name of Jesus Christ, I confess the sins of my father, my father's father, all the way back to Adam. I confess all personal and generational iniquity, every act of idolatry, and everything that is an abomination to the LORD, every blood ritual, and everything that is listed in God's Word as a transgression against His commandments. I confess those sins of my father, my forefathers, all the way back to Adam. I confess, renounce, and break them and command all demonic working, communications, transferences, curses, spells, blessings, destinies, inheritances, and legacies to be cut off in Jesus's name. I renounce all worship of of satan and false gods, and openly confess that Jesus Christ is LORD, and I submit my life to Him from my conception to the present. And anything that does not agree with this, I command to leave, or manifest now in Jesus Christ's name.

I claim all of my humanity for Jesus Christ and ask God to shine His light into my darkness, and set all of my captivity free into the liberty of Jesus Christ. Father God, I submit my whole self to Your sanctification process. Please fill me with strength and grace to endure hardship. I will not run and hide myself from my own iniquity and sins. I take ownership, and ask Your forgiveness. And to those who have been forgiven much, they love much.

 

[TLHKAJ]

Pride in SRA/MK ministry causes more pain and wounding to the survivor.

Pride is a product of the flesh. In our flesh, we will hurt people. Pride in a codependent rescuing puts the minister on a pedestal in a one-up position, and the client in a one-down or victim posture. This victim mentality is not conducive to healing. Prideful ministers see themselves as the rescuer. They may say their interest is to help, but they are actually promoting themselves at the expense of the one they say they are helping.

Note: This is not directed at anyone on this forum. It's just good guideline information to follow when ministering to survivors or trauma.

I'm going to tag @Heart2Soul in a few of these posts. I remember you asked awhile back about how to recognize when someone has experienced SRA/MK.

 

[TLHKAJ]

How can you tell that someone has suffered Satanic Ritual Abuse (SRA) if they don't remember?

A lifetime of abuse; a lifetime of problems

*Distrust (In the first year of life,an infant determines whether the world is a safe place or not.)
*Self rejection & self-hatred
*Fear, anxiety, & phobias
*Difficulty with relationships
*Difficulty with authority
*Difficulty keeping a steady job
*Health challenges
*Codependency
*Addiction
*Lack of, or difficulty bonding (Cults forbid some bonds, and foster bonds with programmers and handlers.)
-SRA parents may greatly struggle with bonding due to their own lack of healthy bonding.
-Without maternal bonding, an infant feels unsafe. As an adult, they may turn to self pacification practices such as eating disorders or smoking. Emotional development is arrested and this may effect relationships into adulthood.

Here is a partial list of SRA symptoms:
*Night terrors, sleep walking, nightmares, insomnia, and sleep disturbances
*Spiritual attacks - often at night
*Panic attacks, anxiety, phobias, extreme fears, such as clowns, spiders, water, enclosed spaces, etc
*Headaches and/or dizziness
*Episodes or sudden onset of a sense of spinning or sinking
*Highly sexualized or sexual dysfunction
*Frequent crises, emotional rollercoasters - depression,anger, anxiety, drama
*Noticeable demonic presence or interference
*Addictive behaviors
*Suicidal ideations and/or self-mutilation - cutting, burning, punching, etc
*Eating disorders - anorexia, bulimia, compulsive overeating/binging
*Hearing voices inside the head (alters)
*Homicidal ideations or fears
*Fear or ideations around torturing or killing animals or people
*Dissociation
*PTSD
*Aversion to or attraction to blood/meat
*Aversion or fascination with violence
*Aversion to or attraction to movies with violent content or which depicts abuse
*Aversion to or fascination with horror or occultic themed movies
*Aversion to or fascination with Disney, Star Wars, etc

Questions to ponder:
1. Do you remember the first 10 years of your life? Consider large memory gaps.
2. Does your handwriting change between print to cursive? Or perhaps, does your handwriting look different at different times?
3. Do you have "blue blood" (illuminati, masonic, or royal bloodlines), or famous people (such as presidents or actors, scientists, etc) in your family history?
*What does your name mean?

As a minister or support person, these are possible indicators of SRA.
*Notable bloodlines - European royal/noble bloodlines, illuminati and/or masonic bloodlines, papal bloodlines (such as Ptolemaic Egyptian lines), American presidential or historic bloodlines
*Freemasonry or fraternal order involvement in the family
*Parent/s in the military, or working for high level government contractors, agencies, organizations
*Family members or close family friends in the mafia
*Known occult activities by the individual or family members
*High intelligence, perhaps combined with unusual spiritual abilities such as telepathy, ESP, telekinesis, psychic impressions, future telling, mind reading, etc
*Crisis or falling apart around full moon, Jewish feasts dates, Christian holidays, or other known ritual dates such as halloween, Mother's Day, Father's Day, etc.

Common physical health issues with survivors:
*Autoimmune disorders such as multiple sclerosis, thyroid dysfunction, adrenal dysfunction, lupus, excessive allergies, diabetes, arthritis, etc
*Physical pain - back pain/scoliosis, spinal/skeletal issues, headaches/migraines, nausea, fibromyalgia, body memories or pain/injuries with unknown origin
*Adrenal exhaustion (manifested as asthma, allergies, hormonal imbalance, MCSI & chronic fatigue, low neurotransmitter issues such as depression & insomnia)
*Brain impairment - learning disabilities, dyslexia, autism, and palsies; epilepsy & seizures, Alzheimer's, multiple sclerosis

Common spiritual issues with survivors of SRA/MK:
*Difficulty believing or trusting God
-"Where was He?"
-"Why did He let it happen?"
-"If He loved me......"
*Anger toward God
*Uncomfortable in church settings
*Difficulty in prayer & Bible study
*Lie-based beliefs
-"I am evil/tainted."
-"I am unlovable/unforgivable."
-"I am bad/dirty."
*SRA-Christian based programming
-Bible verses & hymns (etc) are triggers
-Candles & circles are triggers
*Abuse by a false Jesus (causing fear of Jesus)
-The same may apply to fear of or difficulty seeing God as Father due to abuse by a father figure (not necessarily a parent).
*Reversal programming
-God is bad/Satan good
-Love is bad/pain is good
*Shame & guilt from ritual involvement
*Perception that Christians are weak

The best medicine is a genuine experience with the real, true Jesus!

Mental health issues that often accompany SRA/MK:
*Depression
*Obsessions
*Compulsive behaviors
*Fears, anxiety, and.panic attacks
*PTSD & hyper vigilance
*Addictions
-Alcohol, food, & substance abuse
-Sexual addictions, pornography
-shopping, busyness, overworking/workaholic, etc
*Schizophrenia (paranoia, rage)
*Bipolar
*Suicide attempts
*Self mutilation

Note: Survivors are often misdiagnosed as bipolar or schizophrenic before their DID is discovered. Sometimes this can be done purposefully by a cult therapist in order to cover and hide the SRA/MK and keep the client medicated so that the truth doesn't become revealed.

@Heart2Soul @Nancy

 

[TLHKAJ]

Thankyou for all that information. I have been helping people overcome their homosexuality and in my studies I felt at one stage that tied up with this is DID, as they usually have experienced childhood trauma of some kind which they wish to disassociate from. Homosexuality is a way out for them and a way of escaping the trauma. Problem is they usually jump out of one trauma into another so things usually get worse not better, but in their attempts to convince themselves they have found an answer in homosexuality they will believe any lie that confirms their pseudo freedom.

You're welcome, @marksman. I shared some things in the last couple of posts that may be beneficial in the ministry you do.

 

[TLHKAJ]

@TLHKAJ, I am so sorry to hear your story and yoú're so brave for coming out with it. Especially since I know there are a lot of people that just wouldn't believe that things like that have happened/do happen. I have an older family friend who also suffered from SRA and she went through some horrific things that I can't even go on about. She's gotten older and she's having a really hard time these days. She has done so much missionary work and turned to God but she's having a really hard time.

I was wondering if you have any resources that have helped you heal overtime that I could pass onto her?

The previous two posts may be of interest to you. Oftentimes, a survivor will only go so far and work through so much of their programming and then stop. I have seen this a lot with Christian survivors ....or ones with Christian front alters. They will begin to work through their trauma, integrate some alters, and then become afraid of seeing or knowing more, and run back to their religious front. They will often be very active in ministry, all the while, they have cult active alters who were never reached. So it makes sense that your family friend is still having issues.

 

[Shattered]

Thank you for sharing this, @TLHKAJ . I used the content of your post to identify what applies to me. I have to do this because of accelerated switching... I come and go. The greater the stress, the more often switching takes place.


A lifetime of abuse; a lifetime of problems

*Distrust (In the first year of life, an infant determines whether the world is a safe place or not.)
*Self rejection & self-hatred
*Fear, anxiety, & phobias
*Difficulty with relationships (I can't keep friends for very long)
*Difficulty with authority
*Difficulty keeping a steady job
*Health challenges
*Lack of, or difficulty bonding (Cults forbid some bonds, and foster bonds with programmers and handlers.)

Here is a partial list of SRA symptoms:
*Sleep walking, nightmares, insomnia, and sleep disturbances
*Spiritual attacks - often at night (always at night)
*Panic attacks, anxiety, phobias (drowning)
*Headaches
*Frequent crises, emotional rollercoasters - depression, anger, anxiety
*Noticeable demonic interference (more like opposition)
*Suicidal ideations (past)
*Hearing voices inside the head (alters) (very frequent, speaking as the presenter)
*Fear around torturing or killing animals or people
*Dissociation
*PTSD (severe)
*Aversion with violence (makes me physically ill)
*Attraction to movies with violent content (ironic considering my aversion to violence)
Fascination with Star Wars, etc
Added: attraction to metal music

Questions to ponder:
1. Do you remember the first 10 years of your life? Consider large memory gaps. (missing time)
2. Does your handwriting change between print to cursive? Or perhaps, does your handwriting look different at different times? (yes)
3. Do you have "blue blood" (illuminati, masonic, or royal bloodlines), or famous people (such as presidents or actors, scientists, etc) in your family history? (a famous inventor, and many inventors who never achieved fame. Actors and musicians. Dangerous men, military men, spies, assassins.)

Common physical health issues with survivors:
*Physical pain - back pain/scoliosis, spinal/skeletal issues, headaches/migraines, nausea, body memories or pain/injuries with unknown origin
*Adrenal exhaustion (manifested as asthma, allergies, hormonal imbalance - high testosterone, MCSI & chronic fatigue, low neurotransmitter issues such as depression & insomnia) Adrenaline/rage
*Brain impairment - autism (high-functioning)

Common spiritual issues with survivors of SRA/MK:
*Difficulty believing or trusting God
-"Why did He let it happen?"
*Anger toward God (past)
*Uncomfortable in church settings
*SRA-Christian based programming
-Bible verses & hymns (etc) are triggers
-Candles & circles are triggers
*Abuse by a false Jesus (causing fear of Jesus)
*Reversal programming
-God is bad/Satan good (past)
*Shame & guilt from ritual involvement

The best medicine is a genuine experience with the real, true Jesus! (He is kind and merciful to me)

Mental health issues that often accompany SRA/MK:
*Depression (current)
*Anxiety and panic attacks (current)
*PTSD & hyper vigilance (current and severe)
*Suicide attempts (past)