I have a curious question for any who care to answer. It's based on something that I regularly experience.
Does your brain/mind have something like an instant replay feature, where maybe you were deeply engrossed in doing a task, and someone was talking...or the radio was on in the background...but something catches your attention and in your head, to re-hear the whole thing?
This happens with me a lot. I noticed it about 12 yrs ago when I was listening to the radio and I heard a song that I really liked. I wanted to go on YouTube and listen again. But the announcer didn't tell who the artist was. Then I remembered I'd heard it before...a few weeks back. And in my mind, I re-heard the song ...all the way to the end, when I heard the announcer say... That was "Grace" by Bebe and Cece Winans. (LOL)
Now, that kinda surprised me bc I'd never realized my mind would record things so precisely (even weeks in the past) and then replay it when I needed the information.
But now, it's kinda a joke with my kids ...if I'm in deep thought or concentrating on something, and they're talking ...I will finish out what I'm doing (maybe a minute or so delay) and then listen to the replay of what they said, and reply. lol
Maybe this is normal??
This has happened to me and it’s strange. And sometimes, a lot more time than just a minute has gone by. I’ve answered before and got a confused reaction from the person, so I said, well…you asked me thus and thus and I answered you. And they’ve said, oh, yes, I did ask you that a few hours ago, but I thought you didn’t hear me. To me, I thought they had asked the question just then.
I recently came to think it was because I learned to shut out and shut off from my mother, who did not do to me the unspeakable things that happened to you, but did use me to regulate her “bad” emotions, did not allow me to display my own emotions but manipulated me to display hers so that I was the “bad” one and she was the “good” one, had extreme control issues, saw me as an extension of herself rather than an individual person, kept me confused by telling me things didn’t happen (if to think they happened put her in a less than perfect light in her mind) that I knew darn well had happened, insisted I make none of my own decisions but only do what she wanted me to do, but then made what she wanted me to do to be so difficult that I would give up trying, which would then allow her to call me lazy, putting her own trait onto me and making me feel guilt for it. She would set me up for failure. It was the goal. They do have a name for it - covert narcissism, but really, it’s satan using people through them having also been mistreated that way by their own mother. It’s generational too. But narcissism is a scale we all fall on somewhere and at some times, although not persistently and pervasively, because of conscience and empathy, which a true narcissist does not have. They may have a conscience but it’s been seared and they cannot self examine in order to have empathy or their whole false construct would collapse.
Also, they say the one who is chosen as the “scapegoat” child is the one who is most emotionally strong and able to take on that role without collapsing.
I do understand it all now so I could go on and on regarding all the subtleties of it. But before I understood it, I was filled with rage without knowing why.