Yes. Dissociation is the reason there is no memory. Alters hold those memories away from the front.
Do you ever get hang-up or "wrong number" calls, or phone calls (voicemail) with odd messages?
Understanding MPD/DID & SRA/MK
- Thread starter TLHKAJ
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Do you ever get hang-up or "wrong number" calls, or phone calls (voicemail) with odd messages?
Psalm-147:3
Member
No. There is no evidence as far as I know. I can't listen to my voicemail since my phone is not charged. And I barely pick up if I don't know who calls. So unless a part does it all perfectly secret I don't know if anyone inside tells someone.
God bless you
The deeper you go into deprogramming, the more you'll become aware of. I would strongly suggest not having voicemail set up and downloading an app to your phone that blocks calls and texts from numbers that aren't in your contacts. That is something I do as well.
Psalm-147:3
Member
Psalm-147:3
Member
Hello, hope and pray everyone is doing okay.
I would like to ask how to believe yourself?
How do I know I am not lying or believing a lie?
Bigger things are coming out or are shared by parts. Everytime there is something bigger or new I go back to denial and unbelief. My prayer minister believes it all.
There is this huge internal no speak policy. So parts hardly share anything. But they draw. And then I look it up. The symbols. And it makes sense. It is adding up.
But it's too big. Too big for me.
I know this happens. But not to me. I don't know how to explain.
Thank you so much for reading this.
God bless you all
I would like to ask how to believe yourself?
How do I know I am not lying or believing a lie?
Bigger things are coming out or are shared by parts. Everytime there is something bigger or new I go back to denial and unbelief. My prayer minister believes it all.
There is this huge internal no speak policy. So parts hardly share anything. But they draw. And then I look it up. The symbols. And it makes sense. It is adding up.
But it's too big. Too big for me.
I know this happens. But not to me. I don't know how to explain.
Thank you so much for reading this.
God bless you all
Hello, sister. As I am reading your post, I am remembering my own journey. The struggles you are facing are the same struggles I have experienced. Every survivor I know has had these same struggles.
Early on in my journey, the Lord taught me to pray a "prayer for truth" based on the scriptures. I believe I have posted it in this thread ......somewhere. Let me see if I can locate it and repost it for you.
@Psalm-147:3Prayer For TRUTH
(according to Psalm 57:1-3; Psalm 51:6; Jer. 1:12; Is. 55:11)
"Be merciful unto me, O GOD! Be merciful unto me, for my soul trusts in You! In the shadow of Your wings will I make my refuge until these calamities be overpassed! I (will) cry unto You, the most high GOD, who performs all things for me! Send from heaven and save me from the reproach of him that would swallow me up! Send forth Your mercy and Your truth into Every Part of my being! You desire TRUTH in the INWARD parts, and I thank You that You will make me to know WISDOM in the HIDDEN part! I know that according to Jeremiah 1:12, You watch over Your Word to perform it! I have prayed according to Your Word, and I thank You that according to Isaiah 55:11, Your Word will not return unto You void, but it accomplishes the thing You sent it to do! I pray these things in the name of the True LORD JESUS CHRIST of Nazareth who came in the flesh 2000 years ago, the Son of the One True and Living GOD in whom there is NO duplicity! Amen."
_____________________
Declaration of Faith:
I reaffirm today, that I am a child
of the One True GOD,
and HE gives me GOOD GIFTS!
If I ask for bread, He will not give me a stone!
If I ask for fish, He will not give me a serpent!
If I ask for His truth,
He will not give/send me lies!
In Him, there is NO darkness
neither shadow of turning!
He - JESUS CHRIST -IS
the WAY, the TRUTH, and the LIFE -
and in Him there is NO duplicity!
**Note: These are things the Lord taught me to speak and pray as a tool to seeking His truth, and overcoming the denial, and fear that I would believe lies. (All survivors are programmed with strong denial, that says it’s all a lie, it didn’t happen, they imagined it, etc.... so for Christian alters, it’s a real fear that they will “believe a lie and be damned” .... programmers are slick about using twists on the Word to program alters.) So this prayer reaffirmed my acknowledgment that my confidence was not in my own ability to discern what was true, but that He could and would lead me to the truth! In this way, I could trust that my memories were real... and move away from denial that keeps alters bound and accessible to the cult. (Front alters are always programmed with denial.... that’s how the amnesic barriers are kept in place between front alters and cult-bonded alters.... so that “the knowledge of good and evil” are kept separate.)
Also, all survivors are taught in many ways that God is duplicitous.... full of tricks, can’t be trusted.... so these statements of faith are very important in overcoming those lies!!
This was post #106 .... quoting it for you and any others who need it.
@Psalm-147:3 I'm going to see if I can find more past posts related to denial. This is one.@lforrest
Consider also ...I have been a born again Christian since age 13. Demons and anything they supposedly "implanted from within" would have been gone from that point.
I'll give an example of how strong denial programming is in survivors of SRA/MK. In 2009, on Mother's Day, my 5 children and I were abducted (by cult, not "aliens" or a UFO) ...we were drugged and sexually assaulted, tortured. This was done as a punishment to me for my stance against them. I remembered nothing afterwards or the days following. Only I had some unexplained physical pain, bleeding, etc. I shrugged it off because I had no conscious memory explaining my physical symptoms. Weeks went by and my symptoms increased.
DID is a survival mechanism fueled by an intense "need not to know" ...denial to an extreme, for sake of survival. Although I accidentally came across some photos the perps planted ...photos of me and my children having been drugged and assaulted, I still struggled with denial. Inside, alters know that punishments for talking are all too real. Denial feels safer.
Anyway, I saw doctors to address the bleeding and they confirmed sexual assault and asked if I wanted to report it. I told them I had no conscious memories to pinpoint the perps ....other than my children's nightmares related to a specific group of people. And it was the exact 2 year anniversary of my decision to leave a "Christian" church whose pastor is a cult handler. I didn't make a report because I didn't have concrete proof of who did that to us.
All that to say ....denial is the number one most important thing programmers exploit in order to keep their deeds hidden. I don't intend on going backwards. There is no freedom in denial.
Again, this is absurd and is detracting and even damaging to the survivors I am hoping to reach with these threads.
[Edited the year. Accidentally typed 2019 instead of 2009.]
Praying for you. I know God is able to bring you to the truth that you need to know so that every part of you (alter) is brought to freedom.
John 8:32
[32]And ye shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free.
Psalm 32:8
[8]I will instruct thee and teach thee in the way which thou shalt go: I will guide thee with mine eye.
Psalm-147:3
Member
Wow what a blessing to be here! Praise the Lord! Thank you for all your feedback and input. What a journey.
Thank you both and thank you for this prayer. It's true I am so scared to believe a lie or making it up. But true, the Lord confirms it with His word. So so much.
May I ask what's the connection to military? So far it was only sra stuff but few days ago the part the prayer minister was talking to drew a military base.. 2 fences and checkpoints and a laboratory behind the fence. And a sign on it. I checked it after and is German military symbol.
That's were they do programming? The part didn't say anything to it.
Thank you so much.
God bless you all
Thank you both and thank you for this prayer. It's true I am so scared to believe a lie or making it up. But true, the Lord confirms it with His word. So so much.
May I ask what's the connection to military? So far it was only sra stuff but few days ago the part the prayer minister was talking to drew a military base.. 2 fences and checkpoints and a laboratory behind the fence. And a sign on it. I checked it after and is German military symbol.
That's were they do programming? The part didn't say anything to it.
Thank you so much.
God bless you all
lilygrace
Well-Known Member
i think the fact that someone can be afraid of lying proves intent not to harm or be malicious.......
i think....
Psalm-147:3
Member
Military bases are used as programming sites. They aren't the only locations used for programming, but the military plays a huge part in this. Some of my earliest memories (age 2 and up) are of military bases (some were underground).
Make sure you thank this alter who shared with you, and invite her to share anything else that she needs you to know.
Psalm-147:3
Member
Thank you so much. Did your memories come with time?
I only get snippets. Its like puzzle pieces. Or just few comments from parts. Or things drawn.
God bless you
Ziggy
Well-Known Member
Silent no more.
First I would like to say, My sincere thoughts and prayers for all those who have had to experience life this way.
Second, I would like to thank all those who have, for being patient with those who have not and have a hard time coming to terms with how people can be so cruel and inhumane.
I'm pretty much a silent lurker on this thread @TLHKAJ , I read, I hear, I listen and I pray.
I have no advice to give, I have very little knowledge of the darker world right under our noses.
I know it exists, but I never had to deal with it personally.
There is a lot more awareness being made though. And I believe soon, these beasts will be dealt with very harshly.
I found this video just a few minutes ago. It came out July 1, 2022. So it is recent.
I'm at a loss for words that might help make things easier.
So I will remain a silent observer, sending up my thoughts and prayers.
May God give you grace and healing.
May God help you find the answers you seek.
Much Love
Ziggy
Hugs
First I would like to say, My sincere thoughts and prayers for all those who have had to experience life this way.
Second, I would like to thank all those who have, for being patient with those who have not and have a hard time coming to terms with how people can be so cruel and inhumane.
I'm pretty much a silent lurker on this thread @TLHKAJ , I read, I hear, I listen and I pray.
I have no advice to give, I have very little knowledge of the darker world right under our noses.
I know it exists, but I never had to deal with it personally.
There is a lot more awareness being made though. And I believe soon, these beasts will be dealt with very harshly.
I found this video just a few minutes ago. It came out July 1, 2022. So it is recent.
I'm at a loss for words that might help make things easier.
So I will remain a silent observer, sending up my thoughts and prayers.
May God give you grace and healing.
May God help you find the answers you seek.
Much Love
Ziggy
Hugs
Sister, @Ziggy, thank you and God bless you for your support ....caring heart, and prayer. I'm watching the video. I've never seen it before.
Some memories, I've had all my life, yet told myself, "That's not true. I must've dreamed it. I've only been outside of Texas twice." That's what I always would tell myself when memories of military bases or of Mayan pyramids would pop into my mind like running movies or in recurring dreams. The front alter/s are programmed with denial and they're usually not aware of it. My habit of telling myself that "I must've dreamed it" or other similar statements was reinforcing my own denial and kept the amnesic barriers between myself and the deeper alters strong and intact. And this is quite common with survivors.
I always remembered certain odd things from age 2, like being out of body while bad things happened to my body ...on different occasions. But I would push those memories away, bury them ....away from the forefront of my mind. So then, it was easier to tell myself that I just didn't know how those things got in my head.
I always had memories of sexual abuse from at least age 2 ...by my father, a relative or two, an elderly old neighbor man, etc. For years, I had myself convinced that the abuse started when I was 2.or 3, until age 7, then started again at age 10 and ended at age 14 (a year after I was saved). The reason for the gap from ages 7 to 10 is because I had 3 years of missing time. One day I was 7, and the next thing I knew, I was older, in a new house and a new town.
In about 1997, in my mid 20's, I felt God urging me to write my life down on paper. I fought against it for 6 years, because I just couldn't get my mind to go there. It was like trying to swim upstream in peanut butter. (Goofy analogy, I know.)
But after I moved away from the religious group (a cult-run church with a Christian front) in 2001, I began feeling drawn to write again and it took some time ...but by 2003, I had begun writing. At first, all I could remember or get my brain to grasp hold of, filled one side of a notebook paper, and half of the back. But I began to re-read and then bits would come back ...I'd rewrite, and rewrite ...till after several months, I eventually had maybe a dozen pages, front and back.
This began opening up more, and I met a child alter that year in 2003. Her name was Kelly. She was a 5 year old child part. At first, I told myself this was a little girl God wanted me to pray for because I could see she was terrified and "scared-silent." But God revealed to me she was (a part of) me when my mother sent me some childhood photos and I found a photo of Kelly.... myself at age 5.
Memories of SRA type abuse began coming in 2004. And by then, groups of alters were coming forward one after the other.
I will come back in a bit to write more. But in short, I have had memories come in all sorts of forms .... flashbacks/flashes, impressions, body memories/abreactions, dreams, and alters sometimes have come forward reliving whole memories with words and visuals. At other times alters have revealed memories in what I call "movie-mode" where they walked me through and narrated so that I was not hit with a full-on flashbacks and PTSD.
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Psalm-147:3
Member
Thank you so much for sharing your experience.
Was there internal fear of each other or at what point could you work together as a system or team?
I have so many parts that fight healing, communication, speaking and revealing.
God bless you all