The PARODY collection #1

[St. SteVen]

--- PARODY ---

Person 1: Cannabis is not addicting.
Person 2: How often do you use it?
Person 1: Every day.
Person 2: How can you claim it's not addictive?
Person 1: I could quit whenever I want.
Person 2: Why would you need to "quit" if it isn't addictive?
Person 1: I mean... I'm not physically dependent.
Person 2: What about psychologically dependent?
Person 1: Is that a thing?
Person 2: Seems so. Try skipping a day.
Person 1: No thanks.
Person 2: I rest my case.

[

 

[St. SteVen]

Imagine a sign on a store window:

FREE JOBS
Apply within

A free job? What does that mean?

--- PARODY ---

Job seeker: I saw your sign for FREE JOBS
Store Manager: Yes. Glad you stopped in.
Job seeker: I have a question.
Store Manager: Go ahead.
Job seeker: How can it be a free job?
Store Manager: It will cost you nothing to apply.
Job seeker: Who pays for a job?
Store Manager: It means there is no application fee.
Job seeker: Are there other expectations?
Store Manager: There are job requirements.
Job seeker: It's not a free job then, right?
Store Manager: It will cost you nothing.
Job seeker: If I have an obligation, then it's not free.
Store Manager: We can't give you a job with no obligation.
Job seeker: That's my point, it's not free.

[

 

[St. SteVen]

--- PARODY ---

Angel: Welcome to heaven.
Child: Is Fluffy here?
Angel: No, there are no pets allowed in heaven.
Child: Why not, I really miss Fluffy.
Angel: That was part of your earthly life.
Child: A BIG part.
Angel: We're in heaven now. We leave the past behind.
Child: Did Fluffy end up somewhere else?
Angel: I suppose.
Child: That's where I want to go.

[

 

[St. SteVen]

--- PARODY ---

Scene at the Pearly Gates.

St. Peter: Why are you here?
New Arrival: My church told me how to avoid hell.
St. Peter: How's that?
New Arrival: If I did what they told me to.
St. Peter: So, your motivation was fear?
New Arrival: I suppose you could say that.
St. Peter: What if that motivation is not valid?
New Arrival: Not valid?
St. Peter: Maybe we are looking for something more.
New Arrival: Like what?
St. Peter: Like a personal relationship with Jesus.
New Arrival: What's that?

Yikes!

[

 

[St. SteVen]

--- PARODY ---

Scene at the Pearly Gates

St. Peter: Welcome to the Pearly Gates
New Arrival: Wow, pretty amazing.
St. Peter: Are you a Christian?
New Arrival: Of course.
St. Peter: Baptized?
New Arrival: Yes.
St. Peter: Confirmed?
New Arrival: Yes.
St. Peter: Faithful attender?
New Arrival: Pretty much.
St. Peter: What's your position on the Atonement?
New Arrival: Check our church website.
St. Peter: Don't you have your own beliefs?
New Arrival: No, our church is against that.
St. Peter: So, you don't have personal beliefs?
New Arrival: Heavens no.
St. Peter: Why should I let you into heaven?
New Arrival: I told you that I am a Christian.
St. Peter: Everything else you said tells me otherwise.
New Arrival: Maybe you could call the Priest?

[

 

[St. SteVen]

--- PARODY ---

Scene from the shepherds outside Bethlehem at Christ's birth.

Angel: I bring you good tidings of great joy which will be to SOME people.
Shepherds: Wow! What is it?
Angel: Born to you this day in the city of David a Savior, who is Christ the Lord.
Shepherds: That's great news, but why only for SOME people?
Angel: Not everyone will believe.
Shepherds: Why would that diminish the "good tidings of great joy"?
Angel: It's only good news for believers.
Shepherds: What is it for everyone else?
Angel: Really BAD news.
Shepherds: Do you really expect us to share this with anyone?
Angel: Cue the choir...
13 And suddenly there was with the angel a multitude of the heavenly host praising God and saying:
14 “Glory to God in the highest,
And on earth peace, goodwill[e] toward men!”
Shepherds: (sigh)

[

 

[quietthinker]

Everyone will learn, now or in Hell.

Hebrews 10:31
It is a fearful thing to fall into the hands of the living God.

Matthew 25:41
Then He will also say to those on the left hand, 'Depart from Me, you cursed, into the everlasting fire prepared for the devil and his angels:

What will they learn Jack?

 

[Jack]

What will they learn Jack?

They will learn that Jesus is God and Hell Fire is "forever and ever"!

 

[quietthinker]

They will learn that Jesus is God and Hell Fire is "forever and ever"!

I thought you knew that.

 

[Jack]

I thought you knew that.

It's good to remind 'Christians'!

 

[quietthinker]

It's good to remind 'Christians'!

ohhhhh, remind them they're going to hell?

 

[Jack]

ohhhhh, remind them they're going to hell?

Mt 7 Narrow is the way that leads to life and FEW there be who find it.

Churches are filled with Satan's ministers.

 

[quietthinker]

Mt 7 Narrow is the way that leads to life and FEW there be who find it.

Churches are filled with Satan's ministers.

hmmmm, your fearfulness betrays you, Jack

 

[St. SteVen]

hmmmm, your fearfulness betrays you, Jack

Oh my.
Quite the exchange going.
If hell is for learning, when will the students graduate?

No graduation, no point. Therefore, pointless sadistic torture.
I wouldn't want to be the one characterizing God that way.
Maybe that person will need an education.

[

 

[Jack]

hmmmm, your fearfulness betrays you, Jack

2 Corinthians 11:14-15
14 Satan himself transforms himself into an angel of light.
15 Therefore it is no great thing if his ministers also transform themselves into ministers of righteousness,

Satan has been busy!

 

[Jack]

Yes, you have. - LOL

[

I'm just a Bible believer. What are you? I don't think you even know.

 

[St. SteVen]

I'm just a Bible believer. What are you? I don't think you even know.

Don't kid yourself.

[

 

[St. SteVen]

53 PARODIES to date.
I should publish a book. - LOL

[

 

[Jack]

Don't kid yourself.

[

The Bible is the Word of God. And those who reject the Bible will burn in Hell "forever and ever"! No kidding!

 

[St. SteVen]

--- PARODY ---

Christian forum discussion Isms.

Christian #1: I can see what's wrong with you.
Christian #2: What is it?
Christian #1: You're a Calvinist.
Christian #2: Isn't everyone, to some degree?
Christian #1: I'm not.
Christian #2: That's because you are a Trinitarian Premillennialist
Christian #1: What about your Protestant Inerrantism?
Christian #2: Better than your Humanist Episcopalian Sacramentalism
Christian #1: Arian Unitarian Adventist Arminian
Christian #2: Liberal anti-Reformed Zionist Anti-Evangelical Secularist
Christian #1: IDK-IROOI
Christian #2: Say what?
Christian #1: I Don't Know - I Ran Out of Isms
Christian #2: LOL

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