I am battling deep depression because I rarely hear from my children

[RepentingChristian]

My son is 22 and lives in another country. My daughter is 13 and lives far away. My daughter contacts me when she wants something, and I always come through for her. Otherwise I never hear from her. But she's only 13 and so I sort of understand, but it still hurts.

My son and I used to be very close, or so I thought. I try to remember that, when I was his age, my parents were the last thing on my mind. But again, it still hurts.

Have you experienced this? Do you have any advice?

I have reasoned to myself that perhaps God is testing me. Maybe I'm sort of like the father of the Prodigal Son.

Anyway, your helpful feedback is appreciated!

 

[Nancy]

I'm sorry you are going through @RepentingChristian
This seems to be the norm anymore and I myself remember how selfish I was after leaving the house to be on my own. I was not there for my mom and dad for too long, only went there on holidays, mothers day, fathers day and birthdays. This is something I will regret to my dying day. My parents both passed in August of 1990, way too young. Now how I wish I could go back in time!!!
I pray that your children will realize how fast time goes by, and that anyone of us could be called to leave this life, very suddenly too.

God be with you and your children.



P.S.
Feel free to share this with your children.

 

[Bob]

Thank you for reaching out. We pray that God will comfort you, and He will remind your children to think of you and stay close.

It is good to remember a time when we took our elders for granted, that somehow they would always be there when we wanted to visit, and the rest of the time we were consumed with our own lives. It should help us that the same is now likely true for your children, so: be patient and understanding, resting in God.

Blessings.

 

[Angelina]

@RepentingChristian, I hear your heart, brother. Loving children, whether they’re near or far, isn’t always easy, and it can hurt deeply when the love you pour out seems unseen or unanswered. It's clear that you love them deeply, and that kind of love always carries a cost.

It’s beautiful that you keep showing up for your daughter, even when she only reaches out when she needs something. Thirteen is a challenging age; she’s learning independence and testing boundaries. Your patience and faithfulness are planting seeds in her heart, seeds that may grow in ways you can’t yet see.

With your son, I understand the ache of remembering the closeness you once had. As children grow into adulthood, they naturally pull away, and it's hard, but your love doesn’t go unnoticed by God. In many ways it mirrors the father of the Prodigal Son: loving without condition, waiting without bitterness, and ready to embrace at any time.

I want to encourage you: God sees your faithfulness. He honors a heart that loves steadily, even when it hurts. Your prayers for your children, your readiness to help, your patience and grace, they are not wasted. Seasons of distance are often temporary, and God has a way of healing relationships in His perfect timing.


Hold on to hope. Keep loving, keep praying, and keep being the steady presence in their lives. Your love is powerful, even when unseen.

And in the meantime, let God’s love be your anchor. Let Him comfort your own heart when the distance stings. You are not alone, and the love you give is never in vain.

Angie

 

[RepentingChristian]

I'm sorry you are going through @RepentingChristian
This seems to be the norm anymore and I myself remember how selfish I was after leaving the house to be on my own. I was not there for my mom and dad for too long, only went there on holidays, mothers day, fathers day and birthdays. This is something I will regret to my dying day. My parents both passed in August of 1990, way too young. Now how I wish I could go back in time!!!
I pray that your children will realize how fast time goes by, and that anyone of us could be called to leave this life, very suddenly too.

God be with you and your children.



P.S.
Feel free to share this with your children.

Wow. Your post really hit home with me.

I think most of us take our parents for granted, as we tend to take many things for granted, even our existence. I feel bad about my own failings in that regard but I try to focus on the positive and to thank our Father for gifting me an amazing set of parents who gave me a wonderful childhood and countless great memories. I am especially grateful for the blessing of knowing that I will see them again!

 

[RepentingChristian]

In many ways it mirrors the father of the Prodigal Son: loving without condition, waiting without bitterness, and ready to embrace at any time.

Exactly right. Amen and thank you.

 

[RepentingChristian]

Hold on to hope. Keep loving, keep praying, and keep being the steady presence in their lives. Your love is powerful, even when unseen.

Thank you. I will strive to do that.

I think God is also teaching me that my first love, loyalty, and devotion must be to him.

 

[amigo de christo]

Thank you. I will strive to do that.

I think God is also teaching me that my first love, loyalty, and devotion must be to him.

That IS our first love , loyalty and devotion to him .
JESUS even said if a man loveth his mother , father , son , daughter more than him , he is not worthy of Him .
OH i know it hurts my friend . But keep praying f or them .
Number one prayer you s hould pray always for them is , MAY they come to the life saving knowledge OF JESUS .
Beleive me , IF they do they will honor their parents . HEck even love your enemies .
But i must remind all of us parents of this one thing .
NEVER COMPROMISE THE TRUTH OF GOD for sake of fellowship of children or any .
IN other words we are gonna find that Some of our children will seperate from us
DUE TO OUR LOVE FOR GOD . and if we love them we would correct them .
I have seen parents of children
who for the sake of g etting along with their children , WILL EVEN ACCEPT their SINS . THAT is BAD NEWS .

 

[amigo de christo]

Thank you. I will strive to do that.

I think God is also teaching me that my first love, loyalty, and devotion must be to him.

we are now living in a generation where schools , from pre clear through college
DO nothing but teach this kids REBELLION TO GOD .
And of ten the children choose the schools v iew over the view of GODLY parents .
THAT can lead to the children leaving home at eighteen and not looking back .
I mean JUST look at how many genders they teach now
Just look at how gay marriage is now honored .
LOOK at what the internt , schools , news , sadly even many churches now teach .
REBELLION TO GOD is all i see . JESUS warned us about DIVSIONS .
Meaning HE did not come to bring peace on earth but rather divsion
for from now on a mans enemies will be they of his own household .
NOW that does happen . BUT let us keep praying FOR THEM . Never conform though . NEVER go t h eir way .
THEY must come our way , TO JESUS . we do not go their way .

 

[JustMe]

Exactly right. Amen and thank you.

Well, RC, can I be straightforward with you? I've dealt with this kind of situation for many years, along with my loving wife. It usually starts with visualizing the Prodigal Son parable during difficult times, and so far, it always ends the same way—with no return home or even contact, even though they are married adult children.

First, I suggest you don’t blame yourself for what you’re going through today. You are likely not the main cause or at fault in this whole situation. Seek out others, like me, who can offer advice based on their own experiences that might relate to your case. My wife eventually stopped worrying about them. Years later, she was right, and I stopped keeping the door open at night. After all these years, we have found peace. They left us, especially after their marriages, and never came back.

Today, we believe they have significant mental and spiritual challenges that, as their former parents who once had them living under our roof, we cannot resolve now.

It’s in God’s hands, and we live our lives as if we have no children.

Life can be tough and cruel RC, and we both love God as always, regardless of our personal 'losses.'

We still believe in miracles...

 

[quietthinker]

I am battling deep depression because I rarely hear from my children​

How can you be sure the two are connected. Perhaps they are not?

 

[Rita]

Will be praying for you, I know it’s hard when children are teenagers or live away. My twin brother moved to Germany when he was in his twenties and over the Years relationships kind of changed , Distance does impact. I remember that my brother often use to feel shut out himself , I wonder if perhaps your son may equally miss the closeness you once had.
Sometimes life gets in the way with younger people and teenagers and it’s a tough time for parents, you don’t feel needed or remembered and that can cause an inner grief, I have felt this at different times in my children’s lives. ( I have four children ranging from 32-45 ) I understand the grief, but one thing I battled with ( and still do at times ) is believing my worth and value is tied up in being important to others, and that can add to the pain. I believe that sometimes this is what we have to work through with the Lord, in order to realign the truth that our value and worth aligns with who we are in Christ.
Also my role as a mum is more on a spiritual level now , my two older sons don’t need me or contact as much but that doesn’t mean I am not needed by God in that role - I pray for them with a mothers heart and love.
May the Lord be your comfort through the pain you feel x

 

[Marvelloustime]

we are now living in a generation where schools , from pre clear through college
DO nothing but teach this kids REBELLION TO GOD .
And of ten the children choose the schools v iew over the view of GODLY parents .
THAT can lead to the children leaving home at eighteen and not looking back .
I mean JUST look at how many genders they teach now
Just look at how gay marriage is now honored .
LOOK at what the internt , schools , news , sadly even many churches now teach .
REBELLION TO GOD is all i see . JESUS warned us about DIVSIONS .
Meaning HE did not come to bring peace on earth but rather divsion
for from now on a mans enemies will be they of his own household .
NOW that does happen . BUT let us keep praying FOR THEM . Never conform though . NEVER go t h eir way .
THEY must come our way , TO JESUS . we do not go their way .

@amigo de christo

 

[Marvelloustime]

we are now living in a generation where schools , from pre clear through college
DO nothing but teach this kids REBELLION TO GOD .
And of ten the children choose the schools v iew over the view of GODLY parents .
THAT can lead to the children leaving home at eighteen and not looking back .
I mean JUST look at how many genders they teach now
Just look at how gay marriage is now honored .
LOOK at what the internt , schools , news , sadly even many churches now teach .
REBELLION TO GOD is all i see . JESUS warned us about DIVSIONS .
Meaning HE did not come to bring peace on earth but rather divsion
for from now on a mans enemies will be they of his own household .
NOW that does happen . BUT let us keep praying FOR THEM . Never conform though . NEVER go t h eir way .
THEY must come our way , TO JESUS . we do not go their way .

@amigo de christo

 

[Nancy]

Wow. Your post really hit home with me.

I think most of us take our parents for granted, as we tend to take many things for granted, even our existence. I feel bad about my own failings in that regard but I try to focus on the positive and to thank our Father for gifting me an amazing set of parents who gave me a wonderful childhood and countless great memories. I am especially grateful for the blessing of knowing that I will see them again!

It is a pleasure for me to thank Him for the wonderful parents I had, for sure. It is also a relief knowing they are not here to see what the world has become.
Hindsight is a killer but, we learn and grow from it too.
Thank you for your input RC!
...and yes indeed, it is good to know where they are and with Who

 

[RepentingChristian]

I am battling deep depression because I rarely hear from my children​

How can you be sure the two are connected. Perhaps they are not?

Do you have children?

 

[Jericho]

My dad had four sons (technically five; one died shortly after birth) who are my half-brothers. When they were young, their mother basically abandoned them and hooked up with another guy, who she eventually married. So, my dad had to raise three babies by himself for five years. Eventually, they moved away to live with their mother in another state. He later remarried and had me. One came back, but the other two stayed in different states. They never showed any interest in having a relationship with my dad, and I know it bothered him. For some reason, they blamed him even though he wasn't the one who left them.

Well, their mother eventually came back to live in the same town we do. When her husband was dying, the guy she left my father for, one of my brothers came down to see him (his stepfather). He briefly reconnected with our father, and while it went well, he never bothered to stay in touch. When our father died, he didn't even come to the funeral. Neither did my other brother, though he is basically homeless by choice. So, I can sort of understand that, and at least he expressed sadness about it. I'm trying to not hold any resentment toward my brother for that since it's not the Christian thing to do. However, I deleted him from my Facebook, not that he probably cares anyway. I'm not going to bother trying to have a relationship with someone who obviously is not interested in having a relationship with me or my father. All that is to say that I can understand how you must feel.

In your case, I suppose it's only natural for adolescents\young adults to drift away from their parents as they establish their own identity, independence, and build a life for themselves. Then later in life, when they have their own families, to grow back closer to their parents. Maybe this will be true for you and you just need to give them time and space to grow. The other alternative is you could talk or write to them and express your feelings about it. Maybe they will understand or maybe they won't given their limited life experience. But I think most people come to appreciate their parents the older they get (assuming they had good parents). Hopefully, yours will come around too.

 

[amigo de christo]

Do you have children?

Praise the LORD my friend

 

[quietthinker]

Do you have children?

yes

Do you have children?

yes, two....I very rarely see them but do not have depression.
That said, I have had depression in the my younger years. It was because of lostness and the lack of internal security although I didn't recognise it as such at the time for that reason.

 

[Marilyn C]

My son is 22 and lives in another country. My daughter is 13 and lives far away. My daughter contacts me when she wants something, and I always come through for her. Otherwise I never hear from her. But she's only 13 and so I sort of understand, but it still hurts.

My son and I used to be very close, or so I thought. I try to remember that, when I was his age, my parents were the last thing on my mind. But again, it still hurts.

Have you experienced this? Do you have any advice?

I have reasoned to myself that perhaps God is testing me. Maybe I'm sort of like the father of the Prodigal Son.

Anyway, your helpful feedback is appreciated!

Hi RC,

I do feel for you as people in this world we do suffer from loss and estrangement due to many reasons. I had my parents being manipulated by a religious person who turned them against me.

I had great pain like you and sought the Lord. He took me through and when they were dying we were able to connect and reaffirm our love for each other as a family.

I encourage you through this time of trial to turn your pain into thankfulness. What! you say! Just think of what you can be thankful for - your son used to be close, (can you connect him and just encourage him in his life), and even though your daughter only contacts for something, that is still good for she reaches out to you and leans on you in need.

When we are thankful for what we have then perhaps we are able to be entrusted with more. Just a thought.

Remember the enemy is always out to discourage us and try and make things look disappointing. When, if we look from the other way and be thankful for your children - encouraging them in their life and not trying to get them caught in the middle of other fractured relationships.


all the best and praying. Marilyn.