my parents say we learn from punishment, i am being punished and i HATE it, my parents say we became a better person after punishment, do i deserve it

[Rita]

That’s the point of punishment - to act as a deterrent. It was appropriate for what you originally did to your sister.

 

[tanya1234]

That’s the point of punishment - to act as a deterrent. It was appropriate for what you originally did to your sister.

iam not sure what a deterrent means does it mean to not wish to be punished again ?

 

[Rita]

iam not sure what a deterrent means does it mean to not wish to be punished again ?

To act as a lesson so that you learn not to do something again.
Like years ago if you stole anything you had your hand chopped off, that would definitely make you stop stealing !!!!!

 

[Wrangler]

my parents said that is the whole point of a misreable punishment to deter future wrongdoing are they right ?

Of course your parents are right!

 

[tanya1234]

To act as a lesson so that you learn not to do something again.
Like years ago if you stole anything you had your hand chopped off, that would definitely make you stop stealing !!!!!

its going to make me behave in future, i dont want to be locked up again, when i needed the bathroom i had to knock on my bedroom door then wait for my parents or older sister to unlock my bedroom door, then be escorted to the bathroom, then back to my room to hear my bedroom door SLAM shut then hearing the key turn in the lock CLICK oh its a horrible punishment ?

 

[Rita]

Had to laugh Tanya
I am watching an old crime drama and a guy had got out of prison early , when ask how and why ‘ I got out early on good behaviour ‘ !!
So I guess there are cases where how you handle a punishment can determine the outcome and a shorter sentence !

 

[soberxp]

What you fear is unfairness. But are the things you do fair?
Now, why are you still pursuing fairness?
You only care about your own feelings. You don't care about others' feelings. You have no empathy.

 

[Wrangler]

its a horrible punishment ?

Again with the question, implying resentment. Are you the victimizer in this situation or the victim? I already asked many questions Tanya that you have not yet answered. Please answer them. The literal definition of an adult is responsible - able to respond. So, respond.

As I wrote in my PM to you that I am now a grandparent of 18 and raised 4 girls. While my wife and I were on the same page when the kids were younger, when they got to be teens she could not handle the attitude, arguing and resentment like you have shown in this thread. When kids are young, the danger is primarily physical:

1. don't go near the stairs;
2. don't put your finger in the electric socket;
3. don't touch the stove;
4. don't eat the glass you found on the floor!

Punishment at that early age is meant to deter you from these physical dangers. As the child grows and has more autonomy, the dangers become moral. The child is afforded the luxury of making choices and this freedom allows for testing of your decision making wisdom. Therefore, the moral lesson is more subtle and contextual and lends itself to yours truly giving legendary lectures.

The punishment of my teen girls became tied to their attitude, their humility and contrition - or their willful pride and arrogance. So, the severity of the punishment was established by them. And this leads to my unanswered questions. The most significant is what do you believe would be an appropriate punishment given the circumstances?

You mentioned horrible punishment and Rita referenced having ones hand cut off. Do you feel your punishment was more horrible than that historic punishment? How about no grounding but being whipped? You would do well to understand the rehabilitation objective in the penal system in Western Civilization as you consider your own plight. And if I may suggest a tool for analysis; study things in theory, established in practice and long standing. Then consider your own personal situation in practice.

What if I did to your sister what you did? What if I took your sister to my house and locked her in a room, etc? What crime would I be guilty of and how long with the punishment be? Abduction and kidnapping. I took the liberty of using AI to find the sentencing guidelines in your country.

References​

1. Sentencing Council – Kidnap / False Imprisonment guideline (general approach and sentencing ranges).
2. JD Spicer & Co. – Overview of abduction sentencing, noting the range from six months to life imprisonmentjdspicer.co.uk.
3. Sentencing Council statistical bulletin (2022) – Shows that the statutory maximum for kidnapping is life imprisonment and gives average custodial lengths (≈ 5 years 9 months)sentencingcouncil.org.uk.

These guidelines reflect the current practice as of early 2026. For a precise starting point in a particular case, a judge will consult the full Sentencing Council guideline text and any relevant case law.

So, if another person did what you did, the usual punishment would be 4-8 years in prison. You got a weekend and consider it "horrible." What does that tell you?

 

[tanya1234]

Had to laugh Tanya
I am watching an old crime drama and a guy had got out of prison early , when ask how and why ‘ I got out early on good behaviour ‘ !!
So I guess there are cases where how you handle a punishment can determine the outcome and a shorter sentence !

actually my parents dis say i deserved 2 weekends locked in my room so thats why i behaved, can you even believe my parents marked my punishments essays , they said it was to make sure i put effort into them , and not just rushed them ?

 

[tanya1234]

What you fear is unfairness. But are the things you do fair?
Now, why are you still pursuing fairness?
You only care about your own feelings. You don't care about others' feelings. You have no empathy.

sorry but what is empathy ? i have said sorry to my sister i just hate the punishment ?

 

[Rita]

actually my parents dis say i deserved 2 weekends locked in my room so thats why i behaved, can you even believe my parents marked my punishments essays , they said it was to make sure i put effort into them , and not just rushed them ?

So what mark did you get ?
Your parents took it seriously, which is a good thing xx

 

[Rita]

sorry but what is empathy ? i have said sorry to my sister i just hate the punishment ?

being empathic means you can relate to how someone has felt or feeling. Saying sorry is more about how you want to feel and about taking responsibility. You didn’t like being locked in your room, so it should make you feel the way your sister felt.

 

[tanya1234]

So what mark did you get ?
Your parents took it seriously, which is a good thing xx

in total i had to write five 4 page punishment essays 2 on the satuday and 2 on the sunday i got 8 out of 10 for 3 of the essays and 9 out of 10 for the forth essay, i also had to write a fifth essay after my punishment ended, this was titled WHAT I HAD LEARNT FROM BEING PUNISHED AND WAS I LIKELY TO BEHAVE IN FUTURE , sadly i only got 6 out of 10 so my parents made me write it again, my parents said education is a very important part of punishment, do you agree ?

 

[tanya1234]

being empathic means you can relate to how someone has felt or feeling. Saying sorry is more about how you want to feel and about taking responsibility. You didn’t like being locked in your room, so it should make you feel the way your sister felt.

oh yes i see i bit like having sympathy, being locked up is not nice ?

 

[Wrangler]

Last thursday i had a row with my older sister ... locked her in her room ... my parents came home 6 hours later

when i needed the bathroom i had to knock on my bedroom door then wait for my parents or older sister to unlock my bedroom door, then be escorted to the bathroom, then back to my room to hear my bedroom door SLAM shut then hearing the key turn in the lock CLICK oh its a horrible punishment ?

I wonder how degrading it was for your older sister when she had to go the bathroom but couldn't for 6 hours. Did she have to pee in her own room?

What you did is not merely inconvenience your sister in making her miss a driving lesson and miss a date. You degraded her humanity, dehumanized her, took away her liberty and dignity. Justice would be you NOT having anyone cater to your bathroom needs for 6 hours. Your parents goal was not to dehumanize you as you dehumanized your sister. I wonder if you thought of this aspect of this.

 

[Rockerduck]

So your sister had no cell phone? No computer in her room? No windows to open? An open window is to stop claustrophobia; to open a window to stick the head out and breath. Then a mental problem you made worse by the forced trauma. Yes, corrective behavior was required, however, Tanya1234, you weren't punished to the degree your sister was. You did not say you are afraid of closed in spaces, but your sister suffers, and is probably worse, being forced to be locked up.

I haven't heard Jesus one time in your conversation.

 

[tanya1234]

I wonder how degrading it was for your older sister when she had to go the bathroom but couldn't for 6 hours. Did she have to pee in her own room?

What you did is not merely inconvenience your sister in making her miss a driving lesson and miss a date. You degraded her humanity, dehumanized her, took away her liberty and dignity. Justice would be you NOT having anyone cater to your bathroom needs for 6 hours. Your parents goal was not to dehumanize you as you dehumanized your sister. I wonder if you thought of this aspect of this.

yes but i didnt mean my sister to spend 6 hours locked in her room, just a couple of hours, i forgot about her, i spent a whole weekend locked away from friday night until monday morning ?

 

[Wrangler]

can you even believe my parents marked my punishments essays

Yes. Sounds like you have very good parents. You sound like an entitled, unrepentant brat.

• Can you believe my parents punished me this way?
• Was their punishment fair?
• They even marked my essay!

Let me answer your question directly and succinctly. Your punishment was NOT fair; it should have been much longer - a couple of months as I said. I'd start by permanently taking away your smart ass phone and all access to social media, only using the internet for homework assignments.

I'm going to move on from this thread and wish you well. Hope to see you post thoughtfully on other threads. We have a vibrant community here delving into all kinds of topics on the Christian life.

 

[Wrangler]

yes but i didnt mean my sister to spend 6 hours locked in her room, just a couple of hours, i forgot about her

Still refusing to take responsibility for what you did, hiding behind your intentions. Bad sign for your future trajectory in life.

What you intended is irrelevant. The choice you made - and the consequences of those choices - are all that matter, along with your unrepentant attitude. You are not an innocent victim but a guilty as sin victimizer.

 

[tanya1234]

So your sister had no cell phone? No computer in her room? No windows to open? An open window is to stop claustrophobia; to open a window to stick the head out and breath. Then a mental problem you made worse by the forced trauma. Yes, corrective behavior was required, however, Tanya1234, you weren't punished to the degree your sister was. You did not say you are afraid of closed in spaces, but your sister suffers, and is probably worse, being forced to be locked up.

I haven't heard Jesus one time in your conversation.

i cant tell you how much i HATE being locked in my room its HORRIBLE just because i dont suffer from claustrophobia like my sister, i still suffered and for a whole weekend not to mention the essays and schoolwork ?