A really strange thing is happening to me that I have never experienced, at least not to this extent. It doesn't have me scared exactly, but just...confused and greatly out of sorts.
I suddenly can't synch with anything or anyone around me. The result of it is that I am trying, almost desperately hard, to synch in some way with anyone or anything, to try to prove to myself that I'm not going insane. It is not working and I think people seem like strange bugs to me and I seem like a strange bug to them. All my efforts to feel in synch are getting confused stares and I think...impatience? I think I am talking and chattering too much in an attempt to keep tethered or connected to others?
I have felt this nonsynching thing briefly or...sporadically for short periods of time before but its really extreme now and I'm not quite certain what to do but maybe just stop trying so hard to synch or feel...connected in some way.
On the one hand, im a bit peaceful as long as I'm alone. On the other hand, I'm a bit confused when I'm not alone. Its taking monumental effort on my part to even want to try to feel connected, like I don't even want to try any more, but then, alternately, it feels that to stop trying would be to snap away the rest of the way and become completely untethered from...normalcy?
I'm quite aware that I sound mentally imbalanced, and if I werent aware of it, the puzzled stares alone would clue me in. And now I'm thinking I should not even post this because it seems just another attempt to connect that will get more odd stares and possibly suggestions to seek out a mental health professional.
I said I would go to lunch with a small group of people yesterday. While driving there, I was thinking, oh my gosh, this was a bad idea, why didn't I just say no, now I will have to try to talk with them and I don't know how to pull myself to them and keep myself there!
Yeah, I think I'm going to just stop trying to get in synch with...the world at large. Its not working to do anything but make myself and everyone else a bit miserable...or maybe I could just nod and smile and no one will notice that I mostly can't even fathom what they are saying or why they're saying it.
Good grief...
I suddenly can't synch with anything or anyone around me. The result of it is that I am trying, almost desperately hard, to synch in some way with anyone or anything, to try to prove to myself that I'm not going insane. It is not working and I think people seem like strange bugs to me and I seem like a strange bug to them. All my efforts to feel in synch are getting confused stares and I think...impatience? I think I am talking and chattering too much in an attempt to keep tethered or connected to others?
I have felt this nonsynching thing briefly or...sporadically for short periods of time before but its really extreme now and I'm not quite certain what to do but maybe just stop trying so hard to synch or feel...connected in some way.
On the one hand, im a bit peaceful as long as I'm alone. On the other hand, I'm a bit confused when I'm not alone. Its taking monumental effort on my part to even want to try to feel connected, like I don't even want to try any more, but then, alternately, it feels that to stop trying would be to snap away the rest of the way and become completely untethered from...normalcy?
I'm quite aware that I sound mentally imbalanced, and if I werent aware of it, the puzzled stares alone would clue me in. And now I'm thinking I should not even post this because it seems just another attempt to connect that will get more odd stares and possibly suggestions to seek out a mental health professional.
I said I would go to lunch with a small group of people yesterday. While driving there, I was thinking, oh my gosh, this was a bad idea, why didn't I just say no, now I will have to try to talk with them and I don't know how to pull myself to them and keep myself there!
Yeah, I think I'm going to just stop trying to get in synch with...the world at large. Its not working to do anything but make myself and everyone else a bit miserable...or maybe I could just nod and smile and no one will notice that I mostly can't even fathom what they are saying or why they're saying it.
Good grief...