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Discussion in 'Christian Spirituality Forum' started by stunnedbygrace, Jan 14, 2020.

  1. stunnedbygrace

    stunnedbygrace Well-Known Member

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    A really strange thing is happening to me that I have never experienced, at least not to this extent. It doesn't have me scared exactly, but just...confused and greatly out of sorts.

    I suddenly can't synch with anything or anyone around me. The result of it is that I am trying, almost desperately hard, to synch in some way with anyone or anything, to try to prove to myself that I'm not going insane. It is not working and I think people seem like strange bugs to me and I seem like a strange bug to them. All my efforts to feel in synch are getting confused stares and I think...impatience? I think I am talking and chattering too much in an attempt to keep tethered or connected to others?

    I have felt this nonsynching thing briefly or...sporadically for short periods of time before but its really extreme now and I'm not quite certain what to do but maybe just stop trying so hard to synch or feel...connected in some way.

    On the one hand, im a bit peaceful as long as I'm alone. On the other hand, I'm a bit confused when I'm not alone. Its taking monumental effort on my part to even want to try to feel connected, like I don't even want to try any more, but then, alternately, it feels that to stop trying would be to snap away the rest of the way and become completely untethered from...normalcy?

    I'm quite aware that I sound mentally imbalanced, and if I werent aware of it, the puzzled stares alone would clue me in. And now I'm thinking I should not even post this because it seems just another attempt to connect that will get more odd stares and possibly suggestions to seek out a mental health professional.

    I said I would go to lunch with a small group of people yesterday. While driving there, I was thinking, oh my gosh, this was a bad idea, why didn't I just say no, now I will have to try to talk with them and I don't know how to pull myself to them and keep myself there!

    Yeah, I think I'm going to just stop trying to get in synch with...the world at large. Its not working to do anything but make myself and everyone else a bit miserable...or maybe I could just nod and smile and no one will notice that I mostly can't even fathom what they are saying or why they're saying it.

    Good grief...
     
  2. stunnedbygrace

    stunnedbygrace Well-Known Member

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    Its like I'm wondering why conversation is so important. Like, oh my gosh it's cold out there! My reply: yeah. Real cold. But then they look at me like I'm supposed to ADD something, so in response, I just start chattering. But what's in my head is: what was the point of that and will I be expected to participate in MORE of it?? How will I do it, its impossible!
     
  3. Giuliano

    Giuliano Well-Known Member

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    ^ I feel like that around groups of people. I'm fine with one or two people; but when a lot of people are talking, I start feeling weird. I can't follow all their conversations and feel as if maybe I should just listen. At the pizza store sometimes I feel like an inmate in a mental ward. It seems unreal like a bad dream.

    For the most part, I've stopped going to family get-togethers -- too many people are talking at once for me. I've noticed too that sometimes almost no one is really listening. Some people wait for a pause in the conversation and then say what they want to -- but that kind of conversation goes nowhere. Then I have a relative who seems to know that, and he monopolizes conversations at times, never pausing so he can be one who's talking.

    I think I'm better with one person. I can listen and figure out what's going on in their mind, what's important to them. I can understand them since the conversation isn't switching gears so fast. I can even ask some intelligent questions or make sensible suggestions. In groups too, people aren't as apt to get to the bottom of things; but people often feel comfortable around me and say things they wouldn't want everyone else to know. The conversations are more real since I feel they're really taking to me and I'm understanding what they're saying.
     
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  4. stunnedbygrace

    stunnedbygrace Well-Known Member

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    And then I feel like I'm arrogant because I'm not caring what someone else wants to talk about. But my gosh, the weather again? Why?? What is the point of having a conversation about how cold it is when everyone already knows its cold? But then there was a conversation about which pieces of cornbread were best, end pieces, less browned pieces, more browned pieces. Oh my gosh...
     
  5. stunnedbygrace

    stunnedbygrace Well-Known Member

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    I'm better one on one too, guiliano, but this is extending even into one on one conversations. Someone wants me to help them decide which of 5 different outfits looks best. I sit through the fashion show and pick one. But then they want to know, WHY that one? What about it makes it best? So I just try to accommodate them by setting up a great chatter until they seem satisfied and will give permission for me to run away.

    This isn't an awful state to be in. Its only awful to have to connect and try to act synched WHILE in this odd state.
     
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  6. stunnedbygrace

    stunnedbygrace Well-Known Member

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    But at least I have figured that out...
     
  7. stunnedbygrace

    stunnedbygrace Well-Known Member

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    And please don't think I'm saying I'm having dazzling thoughts either. As far as I can tell, I'm mostly having no particular important thoughts at all in whatever weird twilight zone this is. I just can't focus on...pleasing people in conversation and its like walking through molasses to try.
     
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  8. stunnedbygrace

    stunnedbygrace Well-Known Member

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    But of course you see I have no trouble focusing on THIS conversation/problem! So maybe its just a selfish thing where I don't want to talk about anything else but me or else just be left alone!
     
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  9. stunnedbygrace

    stunnedbygrace Well-Known Member

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    And, in fact, I'm mostly having a conversation with myself and about myself, most assuredly because no one wants to touch it with a 50 foot pole! Yikes I'm a mess right now!
     
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  10. Pearl

    Pearl Well-Known Member

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    Psalm 46:10
    He says, ‘Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth.’
     
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  11. brakelite

    brakelite Well-Known Member

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    I wouldn't worry about it. It is completely totally normal. The world is incapable of sane conversation that actually means something other than tickling ears. You can't sync with the world because you don't belong to it. Give up trying and be content with being peculiar.
     
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  12. Heart2Soul

    Heart2Soul Well-Known Member

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    I just said that to a person the other day...l said I just don't fit in with anyone...but most of those around me on a daily basis are worldly people and I feel as though I am being drawn away from them.
    We are not "of" this world, and we must separate ourselves from it.
    Be not conformed to the world but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind.
     
  13. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member

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    Oh Jen,
    I so understand what you are talking about because that is my default, everyday. I do have allot of social anxiety so, I try to cover it with humor. I do not leave the house much at all and that is not good...isolation is my middle name! But...that leads to depression and finally into despair. Many, many times I have to just get into my car and drive to the lake, sit there and talk to God. I will so be praying for you my friend. I avoid as much as I can, small groups as, I find I have nothing to say of any substance or, something stupid will sneak out of my mouth. This causes many to ignore or avoid me! Feeling disconnected is a horrible experience. I do have a few "good" days now and then, not many. I feel like an actor putting a smile on my face when all I want to do is cry. Hard to reveal all of this to my Christian friends and there are not many of them. I think my whole family has a bit of this. Not something you can just shake off like some Christians think...they think you have no faith in God or that you're looking for pity!!! NOT SO! We need connections with others yet, it can be so difficult. I'm not at all one for small talk as it is just a waste of breath (IMHO). After 4 days of staring at walls, I will be stepping out to go to The Genesis Center. I feel more comfortable there than anywhere. I got your back sister, you will be my sole prayer throughout the day.
    xo
     
  14. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member

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    Yes, one on one is much easier for me too.
     
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  15. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member

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    Maddening, yes?? If I hear one more person say "can you believe this weather"? I just might punch them in the throat! Lol. Not really, just feel that way :D I know they mean nothing by it but, it is very annoying to me. I do sometimes sense they are just trying to get a convo going and maybe they too are feeling as I do.
    Praying...
     
  16. Mike Waters

    Mike Waters Active Member

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    "This world is not my home; I'm just a passin through.
    If Heaven's not my home then Lord what will I do?
    The angels beckon me, from heaven's open door,
    And I can't feel at home in this world any more."
     
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  17. Waiting on him

    Waiting on him Well-Known Member

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    Welcome to the forum Mike.
     
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  18. Waiting on him

    Waiting on him Well-Known Member

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    Is there’s not a category for idle words, on this forum?
     
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  19. Mike Waters

    Mike Waters Active Member

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    It was just me wondering if the words of that old spiritual song might sum up how you were feeling.
     
  20. Waiting on him

    Waiting on him Well-Known Member

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    I like this.
     
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