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Sabertooth

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(Poodles are thought to be prissy.)
 
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Sabertooth

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Caleb brought his dog, Fido, to the talent scouts to show them what he could do.
Caleb: My dog is amazing. He can talk!
Scout: We don't consider dog acts.
Caleb: Just see what he can do. Fido, what is the texture of sandpaper?
Fido: Rough!
Caleb: What is the top of a house called?
Fido: Roof!
Caleb: Who is the greatest baseball player of all time?
Fido: Ruth!
Having seen enough, the talent scouts promptly throw both of them out on their butts.
Fido turns to his master and says, "Should I have said Dimaggio?"
 

marksman

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A teacher asked her class how many of them were Bernie Sanders fans.

Not knowing what a Bernie Sanders fan was, but wanting to be liked by the teacher, all the kids raised their hands except Johnny.

The teacher asked Johnny why he had decided to be different.

'Because I am not a Bernie Sanders fan'

'Why aren't you a Bernie Sanders fan'

Because I am a conservative.

The teacher asked him why he was a conservative?

My mum is a conservative, my Dad is a conservative, so I am a conservative.

Annoyed by this answer the teacher asked, 'If your mum was a moron and your Dad an idiot, what would that make you?

Johnny said 'A Bernie Sanders fan.'
 

marksman

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A preacher was pulled over by a policeman for running a red light and was discovered to be intoxicated.

'What do you have in that thermos there?'Wine?'

' No sir, I swear to God that it is nothing but water'

The cop picks up the thermos and sniffs it. 'Smells like alchohol to me.'

"Glory to God" says the preacher. "Jesus has done it again."
 

TLHKAJ

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Caleb brought his dog, Fido, to the talent scouts to show them what he could do.
Caleb: My dog is amazing. He can talk!
Scout: We don't consider dog acts.
Caleb: Just see what he can do. Fido, what is the texture of sandpaper?
Fido: Rough!
Caleb: What is the top of a house called?
Fido: Roof!
Caleb: Who is the greatest baseball player of all time?
Fido: Ruth!
Having seen enough, the talent scouts promptly throw both of them out on their butts.
Fido turns to his master and says, "Should I have said Dimaggio?"
LOL! That one made me laugh! :D
 

April_Rose

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I feel really stupid right now because I don't get it. :confused:
 

Sabertooth

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April_Rose

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Sorry.
The equivalent of the Academy Award [an Oscar] for stage plays is a Tony Award.




Oh okay now I get it as I know what the Tony's are lol I just don't usually watch a lot of award shows anymore so I sort of forgot about them and I was never a big fan of the Tony's. XD (I rarely watch television now btw.)