Clean Jokes Thread
- Thread starter Mancunian
- Start date
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My electrician is hopeless, he wired my house incorrectly.
Shocking!
Shocking!
I asked my wife to go into town to get me something for my bad breath.
She came back with some garlic and 20 cigarettes.
She came back with some garlic and 20 cigarettes.
I wasn't going to post this but the ending made me LOL.
Three pastors go fishing on a boat.
After some time fishing they decided to confess their sins to each other.
The first says “I am embarrassed to admit this, but sometimes I take money from the donations and gamble on sports due to my gambling addiction.”
The second says “I am embarrassed to admit that I sometimes I look at the women in the congregation with lust.”
Then there is a long silence. The 2 pastors say to the third “Hey we confessed what about you, surely you have sinned ?”
After a minute the third pastor says “Well my sin is gossip and I can’t wait to get off this boat !”
Three pastors go fishing on a boat.
After some time fishing they decided to confess their sins to each other.
The first says “I am embarrassed to admit this, but sometimes I take money from the donations and gamble on sports due to my gambling addiction.”
The second says “I am embarrassed to admit that I sometimes I look at the women in the congregation with lust.”
Then there is a long silence. The 2 pastors say to the third “Hey we confessed what about you, surely you have sinned ?”
After a minute the third pastor says “Well my sin is gossip and I can’t wait to get off this boat !”
The pastor of a small church was looking to buy a horse. A farmer in his church told him that he had a horse to sell. So, off he went to the farm.
After inspecting the horse the farmer said, "Pastor, this horse is special." He continued, saying "This horse is a Christian horse. To get this horse to move, you need to say "Praise the Lord!" To get the horse to come to a halt, you need to say "In Jesus Name!"
The pastor was exceedingly delighted and decided to take the horse for a little ride.
"Praise the Lord!" he shouted and the horse immediately dashed, going incredibly fast.
He rode the horse for a while, through valleys and up to a mountain with a dangerous cliff at the end. As they were approaching the top of the mountain, however, the pastor forgot the word to stop the horse! He tried all different things, "Hallelujah!" he yelled, yet the horse kept galloping. Closer to the edge he came.
Knowing that his life was sure to end, he prayed quickly for the Lord to take care of his family. And at the end of the prayer finally he said, "In Jesus name" The horse stopped.
A few steps away from the edge, in jubilation the pastor yelled, "Praise the Lord!"
After inspecting the horse the farmer said, "Pastor, this horse is special." He continued, saying "This horse is a Christian horse. To get this horse to move, you need to say "Praise the Lord!" To get the horse to come to a halt, you need to say "In Jesus Name!"
The pastor was exceedingly delighted and decided to take the horse for a little ride.
"Praise the Lord!" he shouted and the horse immediately dashed, going incredibly fast.
He rode the horse for a while, through valleys and up to a mountain with a dangerous cliff at the end. As they were approaching the top of the mountain, however, the pastor forgot the word to stop the horse! He tried all different things, "Hallelujah!" he yelled, yet the horse kept galloping. Closer to the edge he came.
Knowing that his life was sure to end, he prayed quickly for the Lord to take care of his family. And at the end of the prayer finally he said, "In Jesus name" The horse stopped.
A few steps away from the edge, in jubilation the pastor yelled, "Praise the Lord!"
Wick Stick
Well-Known Member
It's like most of what the Pythons did... very hit or miss. More misses than hits, but the hits are pretty great.
Mitch Hedberg: "I don't have a girlfriend. I just know a girl who would get really mad if she heard me say that."
Wick Stick
Well-Known Member
I want to hang a map of the world in my house. Then I'm gonna put pins into all the locations I've traveled to, but first I'm gonna have to travel to the top two corners of the map, so it won't fall down.
Just helped my neighbor bury a rolled up carpet in the woods.
Her boyfriend would've done it, but he's out of town.
When you think there's no hope left, remember the lobsters in the tank in the Titanic's restaurant.
Her boyfriend would've done it, but he's out of town.
When you think there's no hope left, remember the lobsters in the tank in the Titanic's restaurant.
