Clean Jokes Thread

Mancunian · Oct 24, 2026

John Mushroom.... What a fun guy.

Mancunian · Oct 24, 2026

Somebody asked me if I believed in reincarnation. I'm sure that someone had asked me that before.

Mancunian · Oct 24, 2026

I was going to donate to a charity supporting Alzheimer's but I forgot all about it.

Mancunian · Oct 25, 2026

What goes 50 miles per hour on your washing line?

Hondapants.

Mancunian · Oct 25, 2026

I thought that my knees were clicking as I walked, but then I realised that I was wearing flip flops.

Mancunian · Oct 25, 2026

My uncle was a window cleaner, I looked up to him.

Mancunian · Oct 25, 2026

I asked a Scotsman what is worn under his kilt, he said "Nothing, it's all in perfect condition."

Lambano · Oct 25, 2026

The entrepreneur was interviewing candidates for the position of chief accountant at his new start-up.. At the end of each interview, he'd ask the candidates one last question: "What is 2+2?" The accountants might be puzzled, smirk, or look insulted, but of course they each answered, "4". Now, it was the last interview of the day, and the boss again asked the candidate the final question, "What is 2+2?" The accountant looked around, checked to make sure the door was closed, leaned in close and asked in a low, conspiratorial voice, "What do you WANT it to be?"

He got the job.

Mancunian · Oct 27, 2026

What did the fisherman say to the magician?

"Pick a Cod, any Cod".

Mancunian · Oct 27, 2026

Two goldfish in a tank... One looks at the other and says "Do you know how to drive this thing".

Mancunian · Oct 27, 2026

I took my mother in law to an auction... I got no bids.

Mancunian · Oct 27, 2026

I wonder why they don't serve escargot at fast food restaurants?

Mancunian · Oct 28, 2026

Just taken my kids to their first Muslim birthday party.
The game of musical chairs went very slowly, but pass the parcel was very quick.

Mancunian · Oct 28, 2026

I went for a meal in a restaurant. The waiter asked me for a tip, so I said 'Don't eat yellow snow".

Matthias · Nov 1, 2026

Saw a kid earlier with a hairy face and horrible beady eyes.

To be fair, I suppose that's normal for a goat.

Mancunian · Nov 1, 2026

How do you keep an idiot in suspense?

I'll tell you tomorrow.

Mancunian · Nov 2, 2026

I lost my job at the Orange juice manufacturers....
I couldn't concentrate.

Mancunian · Nov 2, 2026

My cat owner friend asked me for advice on how to stop her apartment from smelling so bad.
I told her to open her windows... She said "I can't do that, my pigeons will escape".

Mancunian · Nov 2, 2026

Did you hear about the dyslexic devil worshipe?
He had 'I Love Santa' tattooed on his arm.

Mancunian · Nov 2, 2026

Do you know what those poor donkeys get for their lunch on Blackpool beach?

15 minutes.

Clean Jokes Thread

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