Do you indeed happen to be a Mormon? Perhaps you should share some of your beliefs, particularly your understanding of the Christian Gospel.
*Jane smiles ear to ear*
Would you like the long version or the short? I could talk about this all day! I think I'll start with a story, cause I'm in a story mood. If you want to talk more theological points, just ask
When I was ~6 six years old, I was going through a really rough time in life. I was bogged down in the difficulties of life and in pain this existence can bring. I also felt weighed down for my own shortcomings- that I couldn’t do this or that, that I wasn’t good enough, or that I had done wrong things, even things which brought pain to those I loved. There was so much I regretted, so much I wanted to get away from—part of me even hated myself for all of this. I felt very alone in all this, that no one self could understand what I was going through.
During this time I would frequently go out the backyard swing set for solace to think with hanging upside on the monkey-bar swing for hours, just thinking. Sometimes I would get bogged down in my self-hatred. Sometimes I would say a prayer to fight off those demonic feelings. I wonder the purpose of it all. On one such day, a song came into my mind that I had learned at church that day:
“Heavenly Father, are you really there?
And do you hear and answer ev'ry child's prayer?
Some say that heaven is far away,
But I feel it close around me as I pray.
Heavenly Father, I remember now
Something that Jesus told disciples long ago:
"Suffer the children to come to me."
Father, in prayer I'm coming now to thee.”
I remembered that song. I remembered the story of Jesus which went along with it. I remembered how He asked specifically for the little children to come to Him, and blessed them. I remember how He lived, prayed, and died to understand all of us and to save us from evil. He suffered for all of it—He understood all of it—even the littlest thing. Like Jesus understood exactly what it was like to have a sister-with-a-temper! He also understood the more complicated things I was going through. And there was a reason for it! The end of all this struggle was so glorious—such amazing great things to come! God hadn’t forgotten about me or anything- I was His child- He cared beyond measure.
I sat on that swing and just poured my heart out in prayer. I can’t express the relief to have someone to talk to- to have someone to understand. That feelings of welcome and love….And then, to have someone to that could Heal on top of it—that knit up my heart so much that day. To express it in words…. “the best hug ever!” is what my little self called it.
As I grew up more, I had more moments and wavering and certainty in faith, and in God. I knew God was the person whom Understood everything I was going though: my wishes, my desires, my pains. I devote myself to Him every day: He is my Lord, my Savior, the only begotten Son of God.
