Christians living de facto relationships

[Josho]

Hmmm, I have not seen this topic raised on these forums before, but it kind of saddens me to see a lot of young modern Christians living with their boyfriends or girlfriends, these are people that aren't even married yet.

Why has it became so normal?

Just a quick summary, as it's getting late. Feel free to add to it

The Bible clearly states that a man leaves his father and mother and is united with his wife. Ephesians 5:31

That marriage should be honoured and the marriage bed should be kept undefined. Hebrews 13:4

If they cannot control themselves they should marry. 1 Corinthians 7:9

And I'm sure there's quite a bit more on this topic, I think though if we have read the Bible cover to cover we should have a rough understanding that Christians should not be living with their boyfriends or girlfriends before marriage, we may not be able to properly quote the scripture or verse, but we should know that the Bible doesn't encourage it. It encourages marriage first before living together.

The point is though, yes I am just throwing this number out there, but from a rough observation, probably like 95% of young Christians think it's okay to live together with their partners unmarried, doesn't mean it's right. And a lot of them are sharing the same bed!

Just what happened to young proper Christian relationships in this day and age? Because it sure is looking like a rare thing.

 

[amadeus]

@Josho

"And he answered and said unto them, Have ye not read, that he which made them at the beginning made them male and female,
And said, For this cause shall a man leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife: and they twain shall be one flesh?
Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder." Matt 19:4-6

God did Not intend that male and female try out their bodies of flesh in a physical joining before hand to be tossed aside afterward when we believe we are unhappy with the result. That is Not the way to a good marriage!

God indeed blesses marriages in which the two become one. Becoming one does Not happen because two people join together momentarily physically. If we cannot even try to become one in a natural marriage in the way that God really expects, how can we expect to be one as the Bride of Christ? Sex does Not make or break a marriage! It is only one part of the whole.

What was Jesus praying here?

"That they all may be one; as thou, Father, art in me, and I in thee, that they also may be one in us: that the world may believe that thou hast sent me." John 17:21

My wife and I will be married 48 years this coming June. Neither of us has ever been married to another person. Now with this Corona virus thing we are truly all alone, but we are not lonely although our children and the two following generations cannot now visit. Life with each other and with God go forward...

Give God the glory!

 

[onlyme17]

Very interesting thread.

The question , as @amadeus mentioned...is "Whom God has joined together....etc " How many marriages were really prompted, ordained, willed, or joined together by God?

How much did God have to do with any of our marriages?

Many reasons cause marriages. Lust , loneliness , wanting offspring, convenience, etc were these joined by God?

Then we must consider what the bible says . We know that- "Isaac took Rebekah into his tent and she became his wife."
No man saying any word over them!

So, I guess my question would be, if a man took a girlfriend and they then got their house , had some kids , and lived together 20 years.
Are they not married in the eyes of the of God?

I guess the bottom line is, we are for sure living in the days of -
"Giving and taking IN marriage."

My grandkids had many 'lovers', and we all knew it, they made no secret of it. Then they actually got married, which we were not expecting. ) So, which one was actually the husband?

Very interesting thread here. thank you.

 

[amadeus]

Very interesting thread.

The question , as @amadeus mentioned...is "Whom God has joined together....etc " How many marriages were really prompted, ordained, willed, or joined together by God?

How much did God have to do with any of our marriages?

When a person has never yet come to God in repentance he is still dead in the eyes of God. When I actually married my wife in 1972, neither one of us were serving God. With two toddlers in 1976 our marriage was going the way of so many marriages of men consecrated really only in the flesh. Then we heard and answered the Master's call. He saved us and also saved our marriage. The difference that we were no longer "dead" to Him. Before we knew Him, He did bring us together although at the time neither one of us knew it. The beginning of becoming one, her and I, only began when we started to become one with Him. Is the Bride of Christ ready now to be joined together with the Bridegroom? When and where do the types end and the reality begin?

Many reasons cause marriages. Lust , loneliness , wanting offspring, convenience, etc were these joined by God?

Separate in your consideration those who are dead in their sins, those who are striving to become like Him and those [if you know any] who have already overcome the world as did Jesus.

Also consider in a couple, if they may be unequally yoked and what difference that would make to each of them in the marriage [or whatever it is that they have or think that they have].

Then we must consider what the bible says . We know that- "Isaac took Rebekah into his tent and she became his wife."
No man saying any word over them!

So, I guess my question would be, if a man took a girlfriend and they then got their house , had some kids , and lived together 20 years.
Are they not married in the eyes of the of God?

The answer is still, maybe, because God alone knows where they, each of them, are in their hearts!

"Every way of a man is right in his own eyes: but the LORD pondereth the hearts." Prov 21:2

I used to work for SSA [Social Security Administration] and one of the things I did was make marriage determinations for SSA purposes, which were supposed to be according to the local law... but that is Not equal to what God accepts or expects, is it?

A piece of paper is not always necessary according to man's law. What should we expect from God?

I guess the bottom line is, we are for sure living in the days of -
"Giving and taking IN marriage."

My grandkids had many 'lovers', and we all knew it, they made no secret of it. Then they actually got married, which we were not expecting. ) So, which one was actually the husband?

Very interesting thread here. thank you.

"The woman answered and said, I have no husband. Jesus said unto her, Thou hast well said, I have no husband:
For thou hast had five husbands; and he whom thou now hast is not thy husband: in that saidst thou truly." John 4:17-18

Let God be the final judge!

 

[Jane_Doe22]

Hmmm, I have not seen this topic raised on these forums before, but it kind of saddens me to see a lot of young modern Christians living with their boyfriends or girlfriends, these are people that aren't even married yet.

Why has it became so normal?

Just a quick summary, as it's getting late. Feel free to add to it

The Bible clearly states that a man leaves his father and mother and is united with his wife. Ephesians 5:31

That marriage should be honoured and the marriage bed should be kept undefined. Hebrews 13:4

If they cannot control themselves they should marry. 1 Corinthians 7:9

And I'm sure there's quite a bit more on this topic, I think though if we have read the Bible cover to cover we should have a rough understanding that Christians should not be living with their boyfriends or girlfriends before marriage, we may not be able to properly quote the scripture or verse, but we should know that the Bible doesn't encourage it. It encourages marriage first before living together.

The point is though, yes I am just throwing this number out there, but from a rough observation, probably like 95% of young Christians think it's okay to live together with their partners unmarried, doesn't mean it's right. And a lot of them are sharing the same bed!

Just what happened to young proper Christian relationships in this day and age? Because it sure is looking like a rare thing.

I'm not sure what all you want said here.

Yes, it's obvious that fornication is against God's ways. A couple should wait until marriage before getting both sexually involved and moving in together. That's obvious.

Also obvious is the fact that folks can & do sin, and this sin is rampant. And us on a forum aren't really going to change that.

 

[Windmillcharge]

see a lot of young modern Christians living with their boyfriends or girlfriends, these are people that aren't even married yet.

Yet another reason for educated preachers go go k themselves informed.
Science has shown and stats confirm it, that the more sexual partners one has the harder it is to form a lasting bond.
It is something to do with over exposure to hormones released during sex.

As the stats show multiple partners or just living together is not a substitute for chastity surfing dating and courtship.

 

[Joseph77]

Hmmm, I have not seen this topic raised on these forums before, but it kind of saddens me to see a lot of young modern Christians living with their boyfriends or girlfriends, these are people that aren't even married yet.

Why has it became so normal?

"normal"?

The world loves its own. People are strengthened, encouraged, advised, prompted to sin, and to keep sinning, in darkness.

 

[Josho]

Very interesting thread.

The question , as @amadeus mentioned...is "Whom God has joined together....etc " How many marriages were really prompted, ordained, willed, or joined together by God?

How much did God have to do with any of our marriages?

Many reasons cause marriages. Lust , loneliness , wanting offspring, convenience, etc were these joined by God?

Then we must consider what the bible says . We know that- "Isaac took Rebekah into his tent and she became his wife."
No man saying any word over them!

So, I guess my question would be, if a man took a girlfriend and they then got their house , had some kids , and lived together 20 years.
Are they not married in the eyes of the of God?

I guess the bottom line is, we are for sure living in the days of -
"Giving and taking IN marriage."

My grandkids had many 'lovers', and we all knew it, they made no secret of it. Then they actually got married, which we were not expecting. ) So, which one was actually the husband?

Very interesting thread here. thank you.

Issac was before Mosaic law, and before the Torah, then marriage somewhere along the way was a thing that was meant to be witnessed by others to make it marriage in the eyes of God, and the marriage traditions got passed onto the New Testament.

I don't think you will find too many unmarried couples living together after 20 years still. There's a problem now with this pandemic, a heap of mums and dads have complained that they have been separated, and they want to see their kids, but a few days ago, lock down restrictions did not allow it. Is this a result of living together unmarried? Or having multiple relationships in the past and living together before marriage? As windmillcharge said it's harder for them to keep that lasting bond.

And on a separate note from my point of view, if the son or daughter has good Christian parents I think it's wise to see if they approve of or respect their decisions, as they know what's better for their child and they obviously want their son or daughter to get a Godly woman or man that hold the same Christian values as them, so that they are not dragged down the wrong path.

 

[Jay Ross]

Issac was before Mosaic law, and before the Torah, then marriage somewhere along the way was a thing that was meant to be witnessed by others to make it marriage in the eyes of God, and the marriage traditions got passed onto the New Testament.

I don't think you will find too many unmarried couples living together after 20 years still. There's a problem now with this pandemic, a heap of mums and dads have complained that they have been separated, and they want to see their kids, but a few days ago, lock down restrictions did not allow it. Is this a result of living together unmarried? Or having multiple relationships in the past and living together before marriage? As windmillcharge said it's harder for them to keep that lasting bond.

And on a separate note from my point of view, if the son or daughter has good Christian parents I think it's wise to see if they approve of or respect their decisions, as they know what's better for their child and they obviously want their son or daughter to get a Godly woman or man that hold the same Christian values as them, so that they are not dragged down the wrong path.

From my experience, I have meet people who have lived together for many years and only married for the sake of their children while they attending school so that they were not outside of the "norm."

I have also see couples within a church environment whose marriage failed shortly after the ceremony because one of them did not like the way the other party disciplined their respective children and also because of their fear of their previous partner having a reason to claim that the children were "unsafe" within their latest marriage.

Now, if we are honest with ourselves, is the divorce rate within the church any different to the rate outside of the church? Is bonking any less within the church environment than outside of it? Is fidelity any better within the church than outside of it?

Is honesty about people's relationships any better within a church environment than outside of it?

We, within the church, should not be judgemental about the relationship of couples around us.

When Jacob received his first wife, he had no trouble having his way with Leah until the light of day exposed the ruse of her father.

Jacob then demanded that he be given the wife that he wanted, but he did not put away Leah and he had four sons through her before her sister intervened and slip a third wife into Jacob bed with whom he had two sons.

Leah then also gave Jacob a fourth wife, with who he also had two sons.

God then remembered Leah and she had another two sons and a daughter.

Probably another 12 years passed before God had pity on Rachel and she had a son, Joseph, with Jacob. Then after another seven years, Rachel had Benjamin, but she died during childbirth.

Jacob lamented Rachel's death to the detriment of his other wives and the wive Rachel gave him, in her grief, sort solace with Jacob's eldest son, because Jacob ignored her.

Scripture tells us that Jacob loved Rachel more than he loved Leah because Leah's eyesight was poor like his father Isaac.

But God chose Leah's son, Judah, through which Christ's lineage is traced.

God also chose Rachel's son Joseph to play an important role in saving Jacob's sons during the famine so that God could use their descendants for His purposes for the salvation of as many souls as possible before the final curtain call so to speak.

However, when Leah died, Jacob placed her body into the Cave at Hebron where he was eventually placed as well.

Now, can we, who believe the Bible, be so judgemental with respect to other peoples "marital" relationships, when statistically the church is no better than any other part of our society within this aspect of life.

Shalom

 

[Joseph77]

Now, can we, who believe the Bible, be so judgemental with respect to other peoples "marital" relationships, when statistically the church is no better than any other part of our society within this aspect of life.

Do you think that that church you refer to
will escape the Judgment ?

Do you think they "believe the Bible" ? (any more than demons do) ?

Do you think society has any redeeming value in God's Sight/ Word ? (He calls society pernicious/ death dealing)

 

[Jay Ross]

Do you think that that church you refer to
will escape the Judgment ?

Do you think they "believe the Bible" ? (any more than demons do) ?

Do you think society has any redeeming value in God's Sight/ Word ? (He calls society pernicious/ death dealing)

I love your rose coloured glasses that you see through.

 

[Joseph77]

I love your rose coloured glasses that you see through.

No you don't.

If you did, you would recognize and honor Scripture -= honor the Creator, listen to Jesus, and DO what HE says, and have HIS ATTITUDE as written.

 

[Jay Ross]

No you don't.

If you did, you would recognize and honor Scripture -= honor the Creator, listen to Jesus, and DO what HE says, and have HIS ATTITUDE as written.

I suppose that means that I must begin to think and act like you. That was why I said that I liked your rose coloured glasses which only sees what you want them to see.

 

[Joseph77]

Even when explained, you cannot see.
It is Jesus Who you must seek - and pray that God will grant you His attitude, as written. His Way. In line with His Word, Perfect Harmony.

I suppose that means that I must begin to think and act like you. That was why I said that I liked your rose coloured glasses which only sees what you want them to see.

 

[Paul Christensen]

Hmmm, I have not seen this topic raised on these forums before, but it kind of saddens me to see a lot of young modern Christians living with their boyfriends or girlfriends, these are people that aren't even married yet.

Why has it became so normal?

Just a quick summary, as it's getting late. Feel free to add to it

The Bible clearly states that a man leaves his father and mother and is united with his wife. Ephesians 5:31

That marriage should be honoured and the marriage bed should be kept undefined. Hebrews 13:4

If they cannot control themselves they should marry. 1 Corinthians 7:9

And I'm sure there's quite a bit more on this topic, I think though if we have read the Bible cover to cover we should have a rough understanding that Christians should not be living with their boyfriends or girlfriends before marriage, we may not be able to properly quote the scripture or verse, but we should know that the Bible doesn't encourage it. It encourages marriage first before living together.

The point is though, yes I am just throwing this number out there, but from a rough observation, probably like 95% of young Christians think it's okay to live together with their partners unmarried, doesn't mean it's right. And a lot of them are sharing the same bed!

Just what happened to young proper Christian relationships in this day and age? Because it sure is looking like a rare thing.

It is considered normal in our society because of atheistic teaching, and the teaching of many churches, that Genesis 1 is just a myth and the objective belief the union of a man and a woman for life is no longer society's standard. Replacing it is that a couple can stay together as long as it feels good for them.

The reason why more and more church young couples are preferring de facto marriages is that they have been so indoctrinated with evolutionary teaching through their high school, university years, and even in their churches, that they no longer see the Bible as having any authority for them; so they have decided what is best for them, instead of allowing the Bible to set the standard for them.

The church is largely at fault for its own young people doing this, and although it does try to make them see the error of their ways, they are shooting at the offshoot rather than at the foundation. The young people are on an atheistic evolutionary foundation and no longer on the Biblical authority foundation. So what the church should be doing is to teach its young people Biblical answers to shoot at the foundation. When the atheistic evolution foundation starts to crumble, the building made up of de facto partnerships, along with homosexuality, abortion, child pornography, casual sex, child rape for fun, and other acts of lawlessness will come crashing down.

 

[JohnPaul]

I have a question regarding this thread, if you are with you boyfriend or girlfriend say for 10 years and you are living together and have not been married, would you not be married in the eyes of God, what power does a Justice of the Peace by you signing a contract, that's what I consider it when you fill out the marriage license, all it is is a contract, what power does that have in the eyes of God or of you get married in a Church?

If you are with your significant other for that long or even less, and have promised God you will not separate and that you are bound together for life, are you not married in the eyes of God? What power does a mere mortal man have, be it a religious leader or a legal one such as a Justice of the peace have to sanctify you as a married couple in the eyes of God?

I would think God would know your intentions and reasoning for you being together and if you pray to God promising in life or death to never separate, or through sickness and in health or for richer or for poorer, if you make that promise to God, that you in his eyes are already married.

I went to a wedding last month in Catholic Church as my whole family is Catholic, and after the wedding they had the reception with a DJ and the way these women were dressed and dancing, I thought they were going to start to strip, as they were acting like strippers the way they were dancing just after coming out of Church, how does that make the marriage more legit?

You have just left the House of God and as soon as you leave and hit the restaurant for the reception, pardon my language but start acting like a stripper short of taking your clothes off and drinking till you get drunk, and some you couldn't tell them apart from a prostitute the way the were dressed, how does this make a marriage more legit than if you live with your partner and make your vows to God in the privacy of your own home?

To me a mere mortal man does not have any power in the eyes of God, and so many of these Churches are false anyways, how would that solidify you being married in the eyes of God?

 

[Jane_Doe22]

I have a question regarding this thread, if you are with you boyfriend or girlfriend say for 10 years and you are living together and have not been married, would you not be married in the eyes of God, what power does a Justice of the Peace by you signing a contract, that's what I consider it when you fill out the marriage license, all it is is a contract, what power does that have in the eyes of God or of you get married in a Church?

If you are with your significant other for that long or even less, and have promised God you will not separate and that you are bound together for life, are you not married in the eyes of God? What power does a mere mortal man have, be it a religious leader or a legal one such as a Justice of the peace have to sanctify you as a married couple in the eyes of God?

I would think God would know your intentions and reasoning for you being together and if you pray to God promising in life or death to never separate, or through sickness and in health or for richer or for poorer, if you make that promise to God, that you in his eyes are already married.

I went to a wedding last month in Catholic Church as my whole family is Catholic, and after the wedding they had the reception with a DJ and the way these women were dressed and dancing, I thought they were going to start to strip, as they were acting like strippers the way they were dancing just after coming out of Church, how does that make the marriage more legit?

You have just left the House of God and as soon as you leave and hit the restaurant for the reception, pardon my language but start acting like a stripper short of taking your clothes off and drinking till you get drunk, and some you couldn't tell them apart from a prostitute the way the were dressed, how does this make a marriage more legit than if you live with your partner and make your vows to God in the privacy of your own home?

To me a mere mortal man does not have any power in the eyes of God, and so many of these Churches are false anyways, how would that solidify you being married in the eyes of God?

Ideally, marriage should be done at church, with the blessing of the church and state. It doesn’t have to be fancy, and I would argue that fanciness is often is a huge distraction.

Yes, it is important to actually say “I do” and make a formal commitment to each other and God. Not just have your girlfriend come over one night, and fail to leave for ten years. Actually formally make the commitment. And if you’re a person who feels they are committed but not majored, then actually formally get committed and say “I do”!

 

[JohnPaul]

Ideally, marriage should be done at church, with the blessing of the church and state. It doesn’t have to be fancy, and I would argue that fanciness is often is a huge distraction.

Yes, it is important to actually say “I do” and make a formal commitment to each other and God. Not just have your girlfriend come over one night, and fail to leave for ten years. Actually formally make the commitment. And if you’re a person who feels they are committed but not majored, then actually formally get committed and say “I do”!

We are planing to get married, I already bought the engagement ring, my question is that most churches are false so wouldn’t it be enough to take our vows at home in privacy, we’ve been together for ten years so in the eyes of God are we not married, we have made a committed to each other and have been together longer than some married couples who get divorced in a month or two after making a big show and going all out. How is a mortal man who most likely twists the words of the Bible to his own interpretation make the marriage more authentic or legal?

 

[Cassandra]

Does getting married by a Justice of the Peace make it any less honorable? God knows your heart. He would know why your chose whoever you chose to marry you.
Mortal men , sadly, is all we have. If it is not the right church, God still knows your motives.

 

[Jane_Doe22]

We are planing to get married, I already bought the engagement ring, my question is that most churches are false so wouldn’t it be enough to take our vows at home in privacy, we’ve been together for ten years so in the eyes of God are we not married, we have made a committed to each other and have been together longer than some married couples who get divorced in a month or two after making a big show and going all out. How is a mortal man who most likely twists the words of the Bible to his own interpretation make the marriage more authentic or legal?

The mortal man isn't making anything.

You actually standing out in public and formally declaring your commitment to each other, God, and everyone else makes a marriage. Ideally in a church setting, bring in that spiritual component. The building itself, the mortal man, the paperwork, etc are just helping facilitate that. They themselves make squat.