Hi all, I have a friend who is dating a non-Christian. Apparently they both know there is no future in it, but still chose to date. My friend says there is no chance of it working out between them, that the "relationship" is more of a friendship than a actual relationship, and they don't even touch or anything....yet he has still chosen to pursue such a liason.Am I right in thinking this is a total waste of time? No future = no bother? He says he has tried breaking up with her four times, but she keeps talking him out of it...(I don't know if this is true or not), but yes...what advice should I give him, as to this whole mess?Need help!!!!
Dating a Non-Christian
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(koulourakia_girl;52747)
Hi all, I have a friend who is dating a non-Christian. Apparently they both know there is no future in it, but still chose to date. My friend says there is no chance of it working out between them, that the "relationship" is more of a friendship than a actual relationship, and they don't even touch or anything....yet he has still chosen to pursue such a liason.Am I right in thinking this is a total waste of time? No future = no bother? He says he has tried breaking up with her four times, but she keeps talking him out of it...(I don't know if this is true or not), but yes...what advice should I give him, as to this whole mess?Need help!!!!
If your Christian friend knows there is no future in it, then unarguably this person is not considering the future (eternity) or the one who controls it.Explain to your friend that these go hand in hand and the life we live now is inseperable from our future, and cannot deny the neglect he or she is showing to God. Your friend is equally yoked with the world and is living sinfully. You can only do your best to point this out.If this person cares, then there will be changes made... if not... then there will not be changes made.
Hi all, I have a friend who is dating a non-Christian. Apparently they both know there is no future in it, but still chose to date. My friend says there is no chance of it working out between them, that the "relationship" is more of a friendship than a actual relationship, and they don't even touch or anything....yet he has still chosen to pursue such a liason.Am I right in thinking this is a total waste of time? No future = no bother? He says he has tried breaking up with her four times, but she keeps talking him out of it...(I don't know if this is true or not), but yes...what advice should I give him, as to this whole mess?Need help!!!!
If your Christian friend knows there is no future in it, then unarguably this person is not considering the future (eternity) or the one who controls it.Explain to your friend that these go hand in hand and the life we live now is inseperable from our future, and cannot deny the neglect he or she is showing to God. Your friend is equally yoked with the world and is living sinfully. You can only do your best to point this out.If this person cares, then there will be changes made... if not... then there will not be changes made.
Hi Treeoflife :-)Thanks so much for your quick reply - really quite stressed about this whole thing - it's a friend very close to me who, in the past few months, has really started cleaning-up parts of his Christian Life...yet this one has totally thrown me...and he just can't understand why I'm so against what he's doing...I have explained to him at length, and on many occasions, that there is no point to the relationship - that he is yoking himself unevenly - he first tried to say that maybe he could convert her - to which I replied that a genuine conversion within a relationship is quite possibly dodgy - I mean, how would you ever know if that conversion were true etc? Then he claimed that he's with her for "educational" purposes - a claim he would not explain...To this day, he is still unwilling to really end it. As I said, he says he has tried four times, but she has talked him out of it...yet the thing is...he lets her. He has said all along that they BOTH know that there is no future (and apparently she really shows no interest whatsoever in him), yet she won't let it end...??? Is anyone else confused???"If this person cares...there will be changes made...">>> I have tried my best to convey this to him, but he keeps falling back on the idea that they are dating only "in name", but it's really more of a friendship (that she won't let him leave "in name"?)...and he believes that it's not the "in name" part that matters, but only the actual feelings...does this make sense? I'll try and explain it another way...if I can lol....ummm....he reckons that it doesn't matter if she's his girlfriend by "word association" (he even refers to her as his token girlfriend), but only how he actually sees her, and he keeps saying he sees absolutely no future....! Man, he has even said that essentially they are both "using each other"...she's using him for his motorbike, and him using her for "educational purposes"...???Am I crazy? Does ANY of this story make sense to anyone?!? I am very, very confused....
"I think I can save them" is often the feigned response of someone persuing an ungodly relationship. They might think it is their heart, but it isn't. We all know that you can be used by God to save someone many ways that aren't contrary to His Word. It is very common... and I have heard it a hundred times. They are simply pursuing their own flesh, and keeping "God's will" at the back. Sort of like pulling a kaboose tagged on at the end of a train so that he or she might appear righteous.I would ask him to show you, from God's Word, how any unmarried person maintained a relationship with another unmarried and unsaved person, thereby leading to the salvation of that unsaved boyfriend or girlfriend. And, it has to be this kind of relationship, because nothing we will do in life as individuals with another person is more "equally yoking" than marriage (which is dating's ultimate end). So, we are not talking about merely by befriending them, but specifically persued a marriage resulting relationship that would equally yoke themselves together with an unbeliever, and thereby be used in saving them.The only thing we are told *not* to do regarding a spiritually binding relationship like one pursuing marriage, is to be equally yoked. If the ultimate purpose of marriage is not what is intended... then they have committed a double foul. Why pursue another person as your mate (this is what dating is) if you don't intend to someday marry them? This is now a deeper issue for debate altogether about the vanity of this relationship.The response that "I think I can save them" is a deception many fall under. If we will have any part in saving other people, it must be by God's Word, not our own ways, thoughts, or methods.
The only thing we are told *not* to do regarding a spiritually binding relationship like one pursuing marriage, is to be equally yoked
don't you mean UNequally yoked?
don't you mean UNequally yoked?
(Jackie D;52780)
don't you mean UNequally yoked?
I suppose. This is one of those weird things in the English language where either really means the same thing. We are told to "be not unequally yoked with unbelievers."If you know what he is saying (and I'm sure you do), imagine two oxes. One really big ox yoked with one really little ox. The big ox cannot be yoked equally w/ the little ox because they just are not the same. So, do not unequally yoke them together... or do not yoke them together as if they were equal. Do not be equally/unequally yoked...I mean the same thing either way I say it. Either way you say it, the point is we should not be yoked (tied down to the same future goals and present actions) w/ unbelievers
.
don't you mean UNequally yoked?
I suppose. This is one of those weird things in the English language where either really means the same thing. We are told to "be not unequally yoked with unbelievers."If you know what he is saying (and I'm sure you do), imagine two oxes. One really big ox yoked with one really little ox. The big ox cannot be yoked equally w/ the little ox because they just are not the same. So, do not unequally yoke them together... or do not yoke them together as if they were equal. Do not be equally/unequally yoked...I mean the same thing either way I say it. Either way you say it, the point is we should not be yoked (tied down to the same future goals and present actions) w/ unbelievers
tim_from_pa
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I have explained to him at length, and on many occasions, that there is no point to the relationship - that he is yoking himself unevenly - he first tried to say that maybe he could convert her - to which I replied that a genuine conversion within a relationship is quite possibly dodgy - I mean, how would you ever know if that conversion were true etc? Then he claimed that he's with her for "educational" purposes - a claim he would not explain...To this day, he is still unwilling to really end it. As I said, he says he has tried four times, but she has talked him out of it...yet the thing is...he lets her. He has said all along that they BOTH know that there is no future (and apparently she really shows no interest whatsoever in him), yet she won't let it end...??? Is anyone else confused???
He's smitten over her. She's taking advantage of his attentions but does not seem interested in him as a Christian nor in a relationship. It seems to be more what she can get out of convenience. I'd agree to a point that his reasoning that she may become a Christian may be reason to stay for awhile, but what you say indicates to me that she already knows this and probably is rejecting it.In that case, he should face the facts and end it. Stay friends only. For sure, they should not get married, otherwise later I will be hearing on the forums here about your friend feeling guilty over divorce and what does God's Word say about it? He should take a hint now and avoid future grief.
He's smitten over her. She's taking advantage of his attentions but does not seem interested in him as a Christian nor in a relationship. It seems to be more what she can get out of convenience. I'd agree to a point that his reasoning that she may become a Christian may be reason to stay for awhile, but what you say indicates to me that she already knows this and probably is rejecting it.In that case, he should face the facts and end it. Stay friends only. For sure, they should not get married, otherwise later I will be hearing on the forums here about your friend feeling guilty over divorce and what does God's Word say about it? He should take a hint now and avoid future grief.
Hi Guys,O agree with you totally and have come to the same conclusions...but that's just the thing, he says that there is no future, it cannot work...and will eventually end - but something is holding him there (which he, of course, will not discuss)...so he's not thinking of marriage at all with this woman....which is where I have always came back at him with "then what's the point? You're wasting your time!" Also, taking into consideration this woman not letting him end things, it is quite clear to me (yet not him) that she does not think there's no future, as he claims she does...this is gonna prove to be a huge problem in the future...I told him this last night - that if she's not willing to let him go now, then it's very unlikely to happen at a later date! Tim_from_pa: I agree that they're both totally using each other - and unfortunately, it's him that's gonna be spiritually damaged in the process...even if he doesn't realise it. I don't know what to do - he's not listening to my advice - either from a logical or Christian point of view...I just get so frustrated when people reject God's warnings for us...and this guy's doing one hell of a number here - dressing-up unrighteousness as righteousness...
tim_from_pa
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(koulourakia_girl;52807)
Tim_from_pa: I agree that they're both totally using each other - and unfortunately, it's him that's gonna be spiritually damaged in the process...even if he doesn't realise it. I don't know what to do - he's not listening to my advice - either from a logical or Christian point of view...I just get so frustrated when people reject God's warnings for us...and this guy's doing one hell of a number here - dressing-up unrighteousness as righteousness...
Well, I've been around this earth for a little bit and see it happening all the time.Like I said, he's smitten, and one day the spell will break when she adds a few years to her. Not to debase women, but when someone is so entranced like this, looks and physicalness is usually involved instead of the spirit. Then one day he'll wonder what got into his head since the latter is not there and the former disappeared. Again, I hope it will not be too late that he already married and will end up dealing with divorce, misplaced kids and economic woes.In the almost 50 years of my existence, I've found that God directly intervened in my life that made something stupid like this fall apart so that I never ended up in a bad situation. However, in all the days of my life, I have yet to understand why He spared me and lets other (so-called) Christians to their own devices and then make a mess of their lives. I'm starting to suspect the reason, but I don't want to be adamant about it yet.Rest assured, all the convincing in the world will not help. I'm sure his reasons are airtight until one day it all explodes (as anything airtight that builds up pressure always does). Maybe just be there for him if he needs you.
Tim_from_pa: I agree that they're both totally using each other - and unfortunately, it's him that's gonna be spiritually damaged in the process...even if he doesn't realise it. I don't know what to do - he's not listening to my advice - either from a logical or Christian point of view...I just get so frustrated when people reject God's warnings for us...and this guy's doing one hell of a number here - dressing-up unrighteousness as righteousness...
Well, I've been around this earth for a little bit and see it happening all the time.Like I said, he's smitten, and one day the spell will break when she adds a few years to her. Not to debase women, but when someone is so entranced like this, looks and physicalness is usually involved instead of the spirit. Then one day he'll wonder what got into his head since the latter is not there and the former disappeared. Again, I hope it will not be too late that he already married and will end up dealing with divorce, misplaced kids and economic woes.In the almost 50 years of my existence, I've found that God directly intervened in my life that made something stupid like this fall apart so that I never ended up in a bad situation. However, in all the days of my life, I have yet to understand why He spared me and lets other (so-called) Christians to their own devices and then make a mess of their lives. I'm starting to suspect the reason, but I don't want to be adamant about it yet.Rest assured, all the convincing in the world will not help. I'm sure his reasons are airtight until one day it all explodes (as anything airtight that builds up pressure always does). Maybe just be there for him if he needs you.
How can you say that if there is no future it is pointless?? So I should only be friends with the girl I am going to marry?? That makes no sence. Your friend says they are only friends why not believe him an d let him be. You have done your part you can pray, but maybe he has to learn on his own and you nagging him is not helping(not that I am saying you are). Let him be if they are truly just friends she might still see through his actions that God is real and convert. Jesus spent a lot of time with the unsaved so they could see the truth. If she is causing him to sin then he should run otherwise it might be part of God's plan with him and who are we to intervere. Like I said all I think you should do is pray about it and support him when the time comes, but until then your words will not penetrate his heart.
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