Does engaged mean the woman is the man's wife by default?

[DuckieLady]

I was thinking about this verse and reading it I guess the sense that once God has decided something or the engagement has been set, she belongs to the man.

If a man happens to meet in a town a virgin pledged to be married and he sleeps with her,you shall take both of them to the gate of that town and stone them to death—the young woman because she was in a town and did not scream for help, and the man because he violated another man’s wife. You must purge the evil from among you.

And then in Corinthians it says something like this:
"If anyone thinks he is acting improperly toward the virgin he is engaged to, and if she is getting along in years and he feels he ought to marry, he should do as he wants. He is not sinning. They should get married."

Which makes me think since they already intend to be married, they are not sinning, but they MUST marry.

But we try to keep it in marriage today because some people are flakes.

So anyway I'm not engaged but I know God has prepared things in my life so what does that mean for me? What am I supposed to be doing?

Does that mean I'm supposed to wait until I literally am before I start caring or should I already be preparing? Am I committed by the spirit? idk

How do I get ready to do things?

 

[Ronald Nolette]

I was thinking about this verse and reading it I guess the sense that once God has decided something or the engagement has been set, she belongs to the man.

If a man happens to meet in a town a virgin pledged to be married and he sleeps with her,you shall take both of them to the gate of that town and stone them to death—the young woman because she was in a town and did not scream for help, and the man because he violated another man’s wife. You must purge the evil from among you.

And then in Corinthians it says something like this:
"If anyone thinks he is acting improperly toward the virgin he is engaged to, and if she is getting along in years and he feels he ought to marry, he should do as he wants. He is not sinning. They should get married."

Which makes me think since they already intend to be married, they are not sinning, but they MUST marry.

But we try to keep it in marriage today because some people are flakes.

So anyway I'm not engaged but I know God has prepared things in my life so what does that mean for me? What am I supposed to be doing?

Well until you marry you are commanded by the Lord to stay chaste and that also goes for any man in your life. In OT Israel (NT ISrael also) under the law, once a man and woman were engaged, they were considered to belong to each other. They were not married yet (so no sex) but engagement meant they intended to marry and the delay was to to be at least 9 months (to see if she was pregnant) and to see if anything could be found to cause them to break the engagement. Engagement was a very serious step then and I think it should be for us as well. Dating should be for one reason, to seek out the partner the Lord has designed for us.

Hope this helps.

 

[Hidden In Him]

I was thinking about this verse and reading it I guess the sense that once God has decided something or the engagement has been set, she belongs to the man.

If a man happens to meet in a town a virgin pledged to be married and he sleeps with her,you shall take both of them to the gate of that town and stone them to death—the young woman because she was in a town and did not scream for help, and the man because he violated another man’s wife. You must purge the evil from among you.

And then in Corinthians it says something like this:
"If anyone thinks he is acting improperly toward the virgin he is engaged to, and if she is getting along in years and he feels he ought to marry, he should do as he wants. He is not sinning. They should get married."

Which makes me think since they already intend to be married, they are not sinning, but they MUST marry.

But we try to keep it in marriage today because some people are flakes.

So anyway I'm not engaged but I know God has prepared things in my life so what does that mean for me? What am I supposed to be doing?

Does that mean I'm supposed to wait until I literally am before I start caring or should I already be preparing? Am I committed by the spirit? idk

How do I get ready to do things?

Depends upon what sort of commitment you have made. Your first verse talks about a virgin who is pledged to be married. I believe this referred to a public commitment before men in the sight of many witnesses. If you sort of made a commitment in your own heart, or made one privately to the other person, I don't know that this qualifies as exactly the same thing.

As for what you should do now... I would just pray to the Lord regularly for Him to do the work of preparing you. He knows what you need work on the most, and if a man is coming, He also knows what traits you will need to work on most in your life so that you make him happy. You could be praying for him as well, that the Lord is doing the same work in him.

Though some do not, I also believe in such a thing as spiritual "marriages" or close partnerships between two people called to work in ministry together. In such situations, the circumstances will be quite the same. You pray that the Lord prepare the both of you for the work He will call you to do together.

 

[DuckieLady]

Depends upon what sort of commitment you have made. Your first verse talks about a virgin who is pledged to be married. I believe this referred to a public commitment before men in the sight of many witnesses. If you sort of made a commitment in your own heart, or made one privately to the other person, I don't know that this qualifies as exactly the same thing.

As for what you should do now... I would just pray to the Lord regularly for Him to do the work of preparing you. He knows what you need work on the most, and if a man is coming, He also knows what traits you will need to work on most in your life so that you make him happy. You could be praying for him as well, that the Lord is doing the same work in him.

Though some do not, I also believe in such a thing as spiritual "marriages" or close partnerships between two people called to work in ministry together. In such situations, the circumstances will be quite the same. You pray that the Lord prepare the both of you for the work He will call you to do together.

That is interesting and that is a good prayer. Thank you. I will do that.

He is definitely leading me to cleaning things up really fast all of a sudden (example: getting to wear normal clothes again and handling some things) so I'm getting the hint something is either going on or will be going on, idk which, but I'm just kinda rolling with it.

I have lots to keep me busy in the meantime so I'll just pray, but I'm gonna keep doing what I'm doing anyway. And I have a swifter now!!!!!!

 

[Hidden In Him]

That is interesting and that is a good prayer. Thank you. I will do that.

He is definitely leading me to cleaning things up really fast all of a sudden (example: getting to wear normal clothes again and handling some things) so I'm getting the hint something is either going on or will be going on, idk which, but I'm just kinda rolling with it.

I have lots to keep me busy in the meantime so I'll just pray, but I'm gonna keep doing what I'm doing anyway. And I have a swifter now!!!!!!

Wow. A Swifter...

You really are getting serious.

There's always a Roomba as well. I'm guessing Chester (my cat) would love a Roomba.

 

[DuckieLady]

Wow. A Swifter...

You really are getting serious.

There's always a Roomba as well. I'm guessing Chester (my cat) would love a Roomba.

Lol! I had one of those and they're amazing.

Before I had to spend about 4-5 hours a day just cleaning the floors with a rag. I felt so insecure about getting "stay put" things that I refused to get a mop of any kind!

5 years later I realized "ok it's only $11, if I get a swifter and if it saves me 4-5 hours on cleaning and I won't die if I can't keep it forever and I have someone I can pass it onto."

Now I'm free and ready to do things again! So I'm working on myself in preparation but so far just by mostly thinking about it and not really doing anything.

I had a plan... I just can't quite remember what it was, hence part of the reason for this thread.

I prefer systems thinking, in that all pieces come together to shape the outcome and need to be set in place even down to the swifter and figuring out what my job is.

Hi welcome to ADHD

 

[Michael1985]

I think Scripture assumes that once a couple is engaged, they are to be treated as already married. In our modern society, we know things can still go awry and the marriage may not actually happen. So we extend the requirement to wait to full marriage and not simple engagement.

 

[DuckieLady]

I think Scripture assumes that once a couple is engaged, they are to be treated as already married. In our modern society, we know things can still go awry and the marriage may not actually happen. So we extend the requirement to wait to full marriage and not simple engagement.

This is my thought, too. I think people are just flakey now and don't take it as seriously. People aren't good at commitment.

So to protect the sanctity of marriage, to me, it sounds like they changed the rules outside of scripture so they wouldn't be able to change their mind all of the time. If I'm wrong I want to be corrected.

 

[Deborah_]

This is my thought, too. I think people are just flakey now and don't take it as seriously. People aren't good at commitment.

So to protect the sanctity of marriage, to me, it sounds like they changed the rules outside of scripture so they wouldn't be able to change their mind all of the time. If I'm wrong I want to be corrected.

It wasn't a "rule of Scripture". That just happened to be the culture at the time. Couples didn't 'date'; marriages were arranged. The betrothal was a binding contract, as binding as the actual marriage, and if the families decided they didn't want to go ahead then the couple had to divorce.

 

[DuckieLady]

It wasn't a "rule of Scripture". That just happened to be the culture at the time. Couples didn't 'date'; marriages were arranged. The betrothal was a binding contract, as binding as the actual marriage, and if the families decided they didn't want to go ahead then the couple had to divorce.

Thank you, I should have been a little more clear.

What I mean is after reading 1 Corinthians 7:36, I don't see anything in scripture stating that intimacy is a sin after engagement has taken place.

It seems to me that they must be married, and anything outside of that arrangement is adultery and it would be considered adultery if the two separate, but it looks to me like Paul is saying the engaged couple are not sinning if they come together.