That's my point, you have done a very good job of testifying you are not born from above.
It's not your effort "
I try to live as a Christian should" or that you practice goodness,
It's your heart, your perspective, you expect God to be as you believe him to be and that is how you attempt to approach him.
Your looking for a god that fits your concept and desires when you should be asking God how can I fit in you.
“If you abide in My word, you are My disciples indeed. 32 And you shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free.”
Many believe falsely that abiding simply means "doing good" "loving others" that they are a part of Gods household, you properly described religion, religion is mans own effort to do what he believes God would have him do, the true believer is compelled by the new nature from with-in, the Spirit that is our deposit our teacher in fact the presents of God with-in. Works in the effort of yourself are repentance, thats the beginning a repentant heart is a heart looking but it has be submissive, willing to die to the nature that is not satisfying. You have bought into the notion that by practicing love you have come to the full realization of God, that is not true. Love is the product of the Holy Spirit with out it true love is not possible. Love also disciplines, Proverbs 3:12 its not all warm and fuzzy love and bubbles.
The Spirit of God
is not given to those who's mind and heart are not true, in that I mean having Jesus and the proper understanding of ourselves our sins and emptiness with-in that only God can satisfy. Romans 12:2 -> being satisfied John 4:14 Jesus is renewing this woman's mind John 4:17
If you read Eph 4:17 on into chapter 5 you will see the contrast between the man of the world and the man of the Spirit.
Here are the steps you must take 1 hear God,and be taught 2 repent 3 be renewed in your mind 4 then the Spirit will be put on,
Eph 4:20 But you have not so learned Christ, 21
if indeed you have heard Him and have been taught by Him, as the truth is in Jesus: 22
that you put off, concerning your former conduct, the old man which grows corrupt according to the deceitful lusts, 23 and be
renewed in the spirit of your mind, 24
and that you put on the new man which was created according to God, in true righteousness and holiness.
If your mind is contrary to the Spirit, you grieve him, Isa 63:10 His desire is to dwell with-in you but first you must be a properly receptive vessel in your mind "heart". You need to reconsider your understanding of homosexuality "renewing the mind". That's where the Spirit is at work in you. He desires a proper dwelling place and will make those preparations providing you allow Him to.
Eph 5:8 For you were once darkness, but now
you are light in the Lord. Walk as children of light 9 (for the fruit of the Spirit[
b]
is in all goodness, righteousness, and truth), 10 finding out what is acceptable to the Lord. 11 And have no fellowship with the unfruitful works of darkness, but rather expose
them. 12 For it is shameful even to speak of those things which are done by them in secret. 13 But all things that are exposed are made manifest by the light, for whatever makes manifest is light. 14
Therefore He says:
“Awake, you who sleep,
Arise from the dead,
And Christ will give you light.”