How to be a man in Christ

[Rita]

Hi Neostarwcc,
Thanks for your openness, yes, your post did come across in a slightly negative way , but it’s good that you have balanced that out. My response was aimed at that ...... xx
When I was going through my divorce I joined an online support group for Christian women, there wasn’t an awful lot of understanding around for the deep pain and grief that is caused when a marriage breaks down - I eventually came to be part of the ministry team, we had members from all round the world - it was through that ministry that I discovered many who had Christian husbands, many in ministry, who were addicted to porn. Equally the issue of adultry and abuse came up. So it was to emphasize that it happens , that not all Christian men treated their wives good, and I might say that some of the perpetrators in bringing marriages down were women as well ( so we are not always good wives either - I also had to do a lot of soul searching as well after the divorce - so I am not sitting here in an ivory tower - I didn’t have affairs, but that doesn’t mean I didn’t contribute to the issues that led to my ex being unfaithful )
I totally agree that the majority of Christian men are not like that - and many get that balance right within their marriage, I do however believe that their are equally many men who assert the wrong kind of power , and often use scripture to wield it........ so I do believe that scripture aimed at husbands should be equally examined and discussed .......... your post came across in a way that didn’t think it was needed, hence why I spoke up xx
Sorry for what your sister went through - it’s a horrible road to travel, but one that God can and does heal from - yes, my ex was a bit of a kid as well, but so was I at times - but we made our peace with each other before he died last December. Xxxx
I appreciate your openness - it makes for a better prospective x
Rita

 

[Pearl]

It isn't only pornography or adultery and other sex related issues that men need to be looking at in regard to their marriages. There also needs to be mutual respect, kindness, generosity, and gratitude. The fruit of the Spirit needs to be seen at home as well as in church.

Women have minds of their own and men need to allow their wives and church members to be who they are meant to be in Christ and not try to control them. I know a woman who had to ask her husband which brand of baked beans to buy.

Women have their own relationship with God separate and possibly different from their husbands. But I think too many men lay down the law to their womenfolk and most women rightly refuse to be doormats.

I'm blessed that my husband wants me to me.

 

[Waiting on him]

Hi Neostarwcc,
Thanks for your openness, yes, your post did come across in a slightly negative way , but it’s good that you have balanced that out. My response was aimed at that ...... xx
When I was going through my divorce I joined an online support group for Christian women, there wasn’t an awful lot of understanding around for the deep pain and grief that is caused when a marriage breaks down - I eventually came to be part of the ministry team, we had members from all round the world - it was through that ministry that I discovered many who had Christian husbands, many in ministry, who were addicted to porn. Equally the issue of adultry and abuse came up. So it was to emphasize that it happens , that not all Christian men treated their wives good, and I might say that some of the perpetrators in bringing marriages down were women as well ( so we are not always good wives either - I also had to do a lot of soul searching as well after the divorce - so I am not sitting here in an ivory tower - I didn’t have affairs, but that doesn’t mean I didn’t contribute to the issues that led to my ex being unfaithful )
I totally agree that the majority of Christian men are not like that - and many get that balance right within their marriage, I do however believe that their are equally many men who assert the wrong kind of power , and often use scripture to wield it........ so I do believe that scripture aimed at husbands should be equally examined and discussed .......... your post came across in a way that didn’t think it was needed, hence why I spoke up xx
Sorry for what your sister went through - it’s a horrible road to travel, but one that God can and does heal from - yes, my ex was a bit of a kid as well, but so was I at times - but we made our peace with each other before he died last December. Xxxx
I appreciate your openness - it makes for a better prospective x
Rita

We've never corresponded much Rita, but I'd just like too say that scripture says a man is too love his wife the way that Christ loved the church, how do you see Christ as loving the church?

 

[Waiting on him]

I didn't mean to say that men are perfect. Nor did I mean to imply that. If you got that message, I apologize. We sin just as much as women do. I will bring up some of your concerns though.

Yes, we are addicted to porn. I was addicted to all different kinds of pornography from the age of about nine until about a year ago (I'm almost 34). Try to look at it from a man's perspective though. We like looking at these women because they're beautiful. We don't really see them as sex objects (Or at least I didn't.) I saw pornography as a way of looking at beautiful women. Then once I met my wife and I became overcome by the desire to only want to see her naked and only want to be with her.

Those were my bachelor days and it was time to become a man.

Christ has set me completely free from masturbation and pornography for about a year now after I constantly prayed to God for years and years to end my addiction. Almost all men are addicted to pornography in some shape or form, it's an epidemic. However, Christ can set you free from the addiction it just takes time. Yes, there are times where I am tempted to view pornography and go back to my old ways. I'm a man and like I said, men like to look at naked women. That's just a fact. Maybe it was ingrained into our brain because Adam and Eve got to see each other naked all those years ago before sin entered the world. And Adam looked at his wife as something, perfect. Just as I look at my wife (half kidding but it could be possible). I realize how wrong it is to look at other women naked however and I was so addicted that it was worse than my addiction to food (Which sadly, still exists but I know God will help me with it someday God continues to work on me and my wife (And you guys) each and everyday.)

Can I say something? I don't mean to sound sexist or anything. I've said my "sexist" piece in my last post. You seem to say that Christian men cheat on their wives. Really? I don't know a whole lot of "Christian men" but the ones that I do know from forums, Instant Messaging, Video games and social media. Would NEVER cheat on their wives? Why? Because the Bible says not to and that it's a grievous sin. So... are these "Christian" men really "Christians?" Because, if they were than they would never make that mistake or if they did they would admit to their mistake like a man and never do it again. I'm not saying I've never been tempted to cheat on my wife before, because I have. But, I've never given into that temptation. Also, I don't because I love her and I don't want to hurt her.

I have seen adultery before. I have seen it completely destroy marriages and families. I won't share my entire life story with you but my sister ex husband (He wasn't a Christian, nor does my sister believe) cheated on her several times. Once when they were engaged and he was in active duty in Egypt (This was before the war started), my sister was hurt she broke up with him but then a few years later after he came back from Egypt she took him again. They were together for about a year or two and then got married because my sister made my niece with him (who's now going to be 14 this year hard to believe) before she was married to him. My dad pretty much forced them to get married. So they married and my niece was born. He cheated on her again several times when they were married and my sister did some cheating of her own and eventually they separated.

Anyway, my niece at the time was about 2 years old so she never knew her father. He was supposed to have full custody to see her every 2 weeks or so and he only ended up seeing her once a year for a week on Christmas ever since they split up. He just shows my niece off like a doll to his family and then sends her "back home" because he wants nothing to do with his daughter it's quite sad.

When God gives me a baby I have so many plans for that Baby. I will be a much better Father than my ex brother in law and quite frankly my dad was to me. (Again, not going into my whole life story)

He was also supposed to pay child support and he didn't for years and years until he finally got a job and the government forced him to pay. He only sees my niece one a week on Christmas and... the entire story is just sad anyway. He definitely was not an example of a man from day one lets just say that.

Then came her current husband who she's been married to for quite a while now. She made a baby with him while she was still married to her ex husband. My entire family exploded (My grandparents on both sides were Christians like I mentioned before, my mom pretends she's a Christian and my dad was raised Protestant but never shared his dad's faith but yet still has some of his beliefs about life) So... anyway... the family exploded and God gave the family and myself the ultimate test. This was the ultimate test for me. I had to love and support a niece who was made out of wedlock and another niece who was made from Adultery.

See the thing is. There's a difference between a man that's trying to be a good Christian husband and the example I gave you of my sisters ex husband who, wasn't a man at all. He was stuck in the toddler age and quite frankly, still is and he's almost in his mid-late 40's now (I forget I haven't talked to my ex brother in law in years). But, it seems like today's feminists miss the mark of what a good Christian husband is. And I'm not completely sexist, men are missing the mark too.

It also seems like less and less men are trying these days and are just giving up. True, we are providers and still continue to be but, I just don't accept gender equality at all. It's against the very nature of how God designed humanity. But, I try to be the best husband that I can be to my wife. Yes, I have a temper, yes I yell at her but I always pray to God to take that anger away because I want to love and respect her and not argue with her. I want us to be in a perfect marriage which of course, isn't possible. But, God is working in our marriage each and every day. My wife doesn't feel oppressed and quite frankly, she's glad that she can help me with my everyday life. She's glad to take care of me. Our marriage isn't perfect, but it's happy.

Marriages will never be perfect because of sin. We can probably both agree with that. Also? I'm sorry if my post sounded angry and jerkish yesterday. I'm on a new medication that is making me irritable. I'm starting to act like my grandfather did when he was alive lol.

When you teach your wife how to perform her role as ( Christian wife ) where in the scripture do you get your model from?

 

[Pearl]

We've never corresponded much Rita, but I'd just like too say that scripture says a man is too love his wife the way that Christ loved the church, how do you see Christ as loving the church?

He loves her, he died for her, he protects and provides for her. He also guides and teaches her through his Holy Spirit. But there are an awful lot of wives who are more spiritually matures that their husbands. What is his role then?

 

[Rita]

We've never corresponded much Rita, but I'd just like too say that scripture says a man is too love his wife the way that Christ loved the church, how do you see Christ as loving the church?

I see that Christ respects and values his church, he desire that his church grows, is nurtured, and reaches its full potential in him. He desires relationship that is based on love and honesty - I guess we can all interpret that in different ways xx
Rita

 

[Waiting on him]

He loves her, he died for her, he protects and provides for her. He also guides and teaches her through his Holy Spirit. But there are an awful lot of wives who are more spiritually matures that their husbands. What is his role then?

It's only my opinion of course, but what I see in scripture is an image of a man humbling himself and taking on the role of a servant. He not only serves esteeming others above himself,but also loves this bride without condition, I believe this is performed only in obedience to the first part of my post.

The woman is given to the man to compel him to become the image of Christ, what a gift of God this is.

 

[Waiting on him]

I see that Christ respects and values his church, he desire that his church grows, is nurtured, and reaches its full potential in him. He desires relationship that is based on love and honesty - I guess we can all interpret that in different ways xx
Rita

An institution of God were in Christ is made manifest

 

[Rita]

Hi Waiting on him,
I think all the interpretations that have been given are all valid - it’s quite interesting to see the different responses xx
I guess, equally , that this is why it’s so difficult to see things all the same way on the subject of men and women. I find it an easier subject to reflect on when it can be discussed without accusations , you know debated and talked through - as I said I am fortunate because I am no longer married or within a church environment where I am restricted to use my gifts and abilities.

Rita

 

[Waiting on him]

What does it mean to be a man in Christ?
My opinion is it simply means that your greatest desire is that Christ lives through and is seen through you, this to me implied to be in subjection to all esteeming all as better than self, not stating this is something I've achieved but we are working on it.

 

[Rita]

We are all a work in progress xx

 

[DoveSpirit05]

don't sin!!

 

[Josho]

In a nutshell he/I should imitate Jesus, being caring, compassionate, willing to be self sacrificial for those I love, knowledgeable about Christianity, a good example of how to behave and a benevolent authoritarian.

We do not realise just how important a Father's influence is.
The stats show that if Dad attends church third of his children will also attend.
If Dad doesn't and Mum does only 2% will attend church.

Yep sounds about right, before the pandemic, there were a lot of wives attending church usually without their husbands to be seen, it's good that I have been blessed with good Christian parents, we go together and even during these times we sit down together and watch an online service or something.

Yep 24 year old man still living with his parents here, nothing wrong with that.

 

[Josho]

We often see threads about how to be a woman in Christ but I've never know anyone to start one about being a man in Christ.

The scriptures have a few things to say about that but so many men whizz past that and just concentrate on the woman's role.

Now as I see it men need to take note of what the bible says they should be and how they should be treating the women.

Hmm just cannot find that country song, there was a good saying in it though, it definitely wasn't sung this way, but it was somewhere along the lines of respecting other women the way we would respect our mothers.

I hope I come across it again, it was a good song and a good lesson for men on how us men should treat other women.

Perhaps you may have came across it?

 

[Pearl]

Hmm just cannot find that country song, there was a good saying in it though, it definitely wasn't sung this way, but it was somewhere along the lines of respecting other women the way we would respect our mothers.

I hope I come across it again, it was a good song and a good lesson for men on how us men should treat other women.

Perhaps you may have came across it?

No I've never heard a song like that, but if you can remember a bit of it you could try Google.

 

[Man on Fire]

And it could be denial on your part - are you saying that it is not true that men have an equal responsibility to look to scripture- because that’s what pearl is saying ........ it’s not deflection, but balance.
Rita

Not in the context of other things she posted the last few days prior to this.

Women working to make men better is a good thing. The Spirit of how it is done is important.

 

[Pearl]

Not in the context of other things she posted the last few days prior to this.

Women working to make men better is a good thing. The Spirit of how it is done is important.

I watched a film called 'Risen' earlier this evening and it struck me that if today's men followed Jesus in the same way the disciples did then women would have no problem with their roles as wives, mothers or sisters in Christ. Men need to lead the way instead of leaving to us womenfolk to fill the churches and take responsibility for our families spiritual welfare. So many of todays men are either wishy washy in their approach to spiritual matters or much too legalistic.

 

[Man on Fire]

I watched a film called 'Risen' earlier this evening and it struck me that if today's men followed Jesus in the same way the disciples did then women would have no problem with their roles as wives, mothers or sisters in Christ. Men need to lead the way instead of leaving to us womenfolk to fill the churches and take responsibility for our families spiritual welfare. So many of todays men are either wishy washy in their approach to spiritual matters or much too legalistic.

That would best be understood and addressed coming from the mouth......or fingers....of a man in Christ.

In the 1960's there was a sexual revolution. People like Hugh Hefner worked to make many men "Self-Centered Seekers of Pleasure" rather than Robin Hood with a fire in his heart to save MAID Marion. At the same time, there were feminists looked at the worst of men and thought "Why cannot I be like that?" The worse thing is people listened to them. What is the root of the problem?

Attacking men and manliness, as a woman, was not the right answer in the bigger picture.

Given I was working to mentor some men in Christ, I may have liked

Post: Servant To One's Sorrow
Post: Matter of America

Jesus Christ is a Fisher of Men. It is their choice.

 

[Pearl]

That would best be understood and addressed coming from the mouth......or fingers....of a man in Christ.

In the 1960's there was a sexual revolution. People like Hugh Hefner worked to make many men "Self-Centered Seekers of Pleasure" rather than Robin Hood with a fire in his heart to save MAID Marion. At the same time, there were feminists looked at the worst of men and thought "Why cannot I be like that?" The worse thing is people listened to them. What is the root of the problem?

Attacking men and manliness, as a woman, was not the right answer in the bigger picture.

Given I was working to mentor some men in Christ, I may have liked

Post: Servant To One's Sorrow
Post: Matter of America

Jesus Christ is a Fisher of Men. It is their choice.

I'm not sure what you are saying here.

 

[Waiting on him]

Yep 24 year old man still living with his parents here, nothing wrong with that.



I have a 56 year old brother in law living with his 90 year old mommy claiming the same thing. And my wife and I just got the news he's tested positive for the Corona virus .