I probably won't be around on Saturday to say Happy Birthday as my grand daughter is getting married. So here's an early greeting:
I
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How was your day?
- Thread starter Wynona
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I
It's been a mixed day. The weather has been atrocious but my Amazon delivery arrived and I set up my new Echo pop device and have been listening to music as I did my crochet. On the other hand we discovered that we were both paying for Amazon Prime. And getting one of them cancelled was a marathon task speaking to a man I could hardly understand. I ended up shaking and had to put a drop of brandy in my tea.
Well my grand daughter's wedding went well yesterday - rain was forecast but didn't arrive and it stayed warm and sunny all day. And the venue was lovely.
But I got home last night night i was very tired and I felt I wasn't me. I had felt so alone. My son took me but he is not a conversationalist, at least not with me he isn't especially when his little girl is around.
So when we got there and had to wait in the bar he and the little girl kept disappearing and leaving me on my own. Then during the ceremony I had one of my coughing fits which led to my choking, so then I was embarrassed.
I think I was probably the oldest person there and walking with a stick a juggling bag, glass, and confetti was a bit of a struggle. Obviously my daughter and son-in-law and their other daughters and son were too busy too spend much time with me.
And at the meal instead of having somebody to talk to my son and I were seated with five people we didn't know and who didn't introduce themselves even though I did. I had my little grand daughter on one side and an empty chair on the other. I think it was meant for my husband but he couldn't go.
When I got home - we left before the evening reception - I was shattered and felt so not me. I just got my pyjamas on and sat doing nothing, I was horrible and the same this morning, I still wasn't back to myself.
It might sound silly or weird but even though I enjoyed the day I can't explain how or why I felt less than myself. But I have prayed and made a real effort to get back to normal and I am there now and have been working on my crochet project as well as coming online. And it's helped to get it out.
But I got home last night night i was very tired and I felt I wasn't me. I had felt so alone. My son took me but he is not a conversationalist, at least not with me he isn't especially when his little girl is around.
So when we got there and had to wait in the bar he and the little girl kept disappearing and leaving me on my own. Then during the ceremony I had one of my coughing fits which led to my choking, so then I was embarrassed.
I think I was probably the oldest person there and walking with a stick a juggling bag, glass, and confetti was a bit of a struggle. Obviously my daughter and son-in-law and their other daughters and son were too busy too spend much time with me.
And at the meal instead of having somebody to talk to my son and I were seated with five people we didn't know and who didn't introduce themselves even though I did. I had my little grand daughter on one side and an empty chair on the other. I think it was meant for my husband but he couldn't go.
When I got home - we left before the evening reception - I was shattered and felt so not me. I just got my pyjamas on and sat doing nothing, I was horrible and the same this morning, I still wasn't back to myself.
It might sound silly or weird but even though I enjoyed the day I can't explain how or why I felt less than myself. But I have prayed and made a real effort to get back to normal and I am there now and have been working on my crochet project as well as coming online. And it's helped to get it out.
Some days are more lonely for us than others, especially perhaps when you have outlived most of your family and friends. At the moment my wife is gone to the store and here I sit in my study with books and computer. Eventually I will sit in my recliner and read losing myself hopefully in the Lord. Everyone who visits usually says, Hi, but almost no one simply sits and converses with me. I am hoping this week to able to visit the Senior Center for lunch and conversation one day. Fortunately, God is always here. He never hesitates when it comes to talking with me. As to the others, the people, well... I do hope for better times.
I never feel lonely when I'm alone at home, but it doesn't help in a crowd when I can't hear properly. But we have the bridal party round for a visit this afternoon, brining fizz and wedding cake. The bride - Rebecca - wore here wedding dress and the rest of us wore our wedding outfits. Because Ray couldn't go to the wedding they brought the wedding to him. We toasted the happy couple and had wedding cake and it was lovely. She even brought me some of the flowers from her bouquet. So I am back to being me now.
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Yes, I guess I never thought about it carefully, but the loneliness hits hardest among other people when I am right there in the midst of them. In spite of my hearing aids I miss a lot of what is said and much that I do hear I don't connect with because it's about a life that is so separated from where I am or even where I have been.
I realised later that what unsettled me was partly the fact that I was 'in the world'. It wasn't a church wedding as none of my family believe.
Even so... The world as we know it today is filled with the ways of men especially among those we really care about...
Sometimes I just feel angry at everything.
I hope it's just a pregnancy thing.
I feel powerless. I know its wrong to fixate on not being able to move away. But I do it anyway.
I hope it's just a pregnancy thing.
I feel powerless. I know its wrong to fixate on not being able to move away. But I do it anyway.
It's probably your hormones @Wynona - just put it all in God's hands and ask his help in overcoming it. One of the gifts of the Holy Spirit is self control so it's there for you.
I'm having mental torment. I barely do stuff because of it. I need prayer to be healed of mental torment in my mind. For the spirits doing this to be gone.
Awesome day! Went to the gym then came home. Was very cold so been walking around in a minus 4 sleeping bag.... 
I could put the heat pump on I guess but I'd rather just snuggle in my bag and listen to the book of psalms on my headphones...
I could put the heat pump on I guess but I'd rather just snuggle in my bag and listen to the book of psalms on my headphones...
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Was exhausted from baby care and couldnt join the pregnancy center ladies at the birthday party today.
But I can get dropped off to a beginner sewing lesson tomorrow, God willing. I am so excited!!! More than you might expect.
Its so perfect! The lesson is affordable, I get to try the machines without investing a ton of money, Ive wanted to learn for years, there are ladies there teaching that Im happy to meet, and even if there were handsome bachelors lurking in the class, I can just stab them with a sewing needle if they get fresh with me.
But I can get dropped off to a beginner sewing lesson tomorrow, God willing. I am so excited!!! More than you might expect.
Its so perfect! The lesson is affordable, I get to try the machines without investing a ton of money, Ive wanted to learn for years, there are ladies there teaching that Im happy to meet, and even if there were handsome bachelors lurking in the class, I can just stab them with a sewing needle if they get fresh with me.
I was the only student today taking the beginner class. It was an amazing lesson!
Using a sewing machine is a lot easier than I thought. Sewing seams with it is a nice process. I made a pillow today.
Using a sewing machine is a lot easier than I thought. Sewing seams with it is a nice process. I made a pillow today.
Trying to take it easy yesterday made things harder today. I didn't think it was possible to be this tired and still move.
I live in a run down trailer next to drug addicts. But the joy of the Lord is my right as a saint.
Naomi laughs while I break from washing the dishes to praise dance...the me I want her to see.
Naomi laughs while I break from washing the dishes to praise dance...the me I want her to see.