Hi Charley,
Many people have been followers of Jesus, and left, then come back again, so you're not alone in how your life has unfolded so far. Congrats on having the desire to become a follower of Jesus again!
I'd say the first step is praying to and asking Jesus to forgive your sins, to be your savior, possiby apologize for wandering off from Him, and to thank Him for His unconditional love and acceptance of you to Him. Jesus gave a parable regarding a wandering sheep: Matthew 18:10-14 "10 Take heed that ye despise not one of these little ones; for I say unto you, That in heaven their angels do always behold the face of my Father which is in heaven. 11 For the Son of man is come to save that which was lost. 12 How think ye? if a man have an hundred sheep, and one of them be gone astray, doth he not leave the ninety and nine, and goeth into the mountains, and seeketh that which is gone astray? 13 And if so be that he find it, verily I say unto you, he rejoiceth more of that sheep, than of the ninety and nine which went not astray. 14 Even so it is not the will of your Father which is in heaven, that one of these little ones should perish."
As a second step, I'd say, is to start reading the Bible, on your own. Since we are under the new covenant now, which is the New Testament, start there perhaps - Matthew through Revelation (my belief is that most of Revelation, from about chapter 5 or 6 onwards, is future prophecy to be fulfilled soon, so it has relevance to today's events in the world). The NT is filled with teachings on how Jesus wants us to be, how to think, how to behave, etc. Once you have a foundation for Jesus' teachings, based upon scripture, then check out the Old Testament, to better understand God prior to sending Jesus to save us from our sins, and why Jesus' sacrifice was necessary.
I'd say it's extremely important to be able to provide scriptural references to verses when normal life occurs, such as when talking to people, daily life, etc.
From there, there is no limit to how you can grow in Christ Jesus.
As for church, I'd say don't worry about it, especially considering your ailments in life. Jesus knows you, and that's all that matters, and whose opinion counts. It isn't really anyone's place to question someone's faith, except for Jesus of course, although that usually doesn't stop those people from talking about you/others and their faith. Look to Jesus, and Jesus only - put not faith in mankind, but Jesus (that isn't to say to fellowship with other believers (and yes, this online community counts in my opionion) to help you grow in your knowledge of Jesus' teachings).
One last thing. If your husband is an atheist, you must be prepared to separate if he doesn't convert to Christianity at some point, whether that separation occurs in this life, or when you or he dies. If either one of you is not saved by Jesus, the result is not good, and is final - Hell/Lake of Fire. Hopefully you still choose Jesus knowing this possibility exists (obviously hopefully your husband becomes saved by Jesus too), and choose eternal life - it's a deeply personal decision that only you can make. That being said, I hope you can gain the information necessary to convert your husband at some point, even if little by little, through your words and how you conduct yourself in actions.
I hope your ailments are healed, both physical and mental anguish also. Please don't hesitate to reach out if you have any questions, or just need to talk and vent.
God Bless you, In Christ.
Many people have been followers of Jesus, and left, then come back again, so you're not alone in how your life has unfolded so far. Congrats on having the desire to become a follower of Jesus again!
I'd say the first step is praying to and asking Jesus to forgive your sins, to be your savior, possiby apologize for wandering off from Him, and to thank Him for His unconditional love and acceptance of you to Him. Jesus gave a parable regarding a wandering sheep: Matthew 18:10-14 "10 Take heed that ye despise not one of these little ones; for I say unto you, That in heaven their angels do always behold the face of my Father which is in heaven. 11 For the Son of man is come to save that which was lost. 12 How think ye? if a man have an hundred sheep, and one of them be gone astray, doth he not leave the ninety and nine, and goeth into the mountains, and seeketh that which is gone astray? 13 And if so be that he find it, verily I say unto you, he rejoiceth more of that sheep, than of the ninety and nine which went not astray. 14 Even so it is not the will of your Father which is in heaven, that one of these little ones should perish."
As a second step, I'd say, is to start reading the Bible, on your own. Since we are under the new covenant now, which is the New Testament, start there perhaps - Matthew through Revelation (my belief is that most of Revelation, from about chapter 5 or 6 onwards, is future prophecy to be fulfilled soon, so it has relevance to today's events in the world). The NT is filled with teachings on how Jesus wants us to be, how to think, how to behave, etc. Once you have a foundation for Jesus' teachings, based upon scripture, then check out the Old Testament, to better understand God prior to sending Jesus to save us from our sins, and why Jesus' sacrifice was necessary.
I'd say it's extremely important to be able to provide scriptural references to verses when normal life occurs, such as when talking to people, daily life, etc.
From there, there is no limit to how you can grow in Christ Jesus.
As for church, I'd say don't worry about it, especially considering your ailments in life. Jesus knows you, and that's all that matters, and whose opinion counts. It isn't really anyone's place to question someone's faith, except for Jesus of course, although that usually doesn't stop those people from talking about you/others and their faith. Look to Jesus, and Jesus only - put not faith in mankind, but Jesus (that isn't to say to fellowship with other believers (and yes, this online community counts in my opionion) to help you grow in your knowledge of Jesus' teachings).
One last thing. If your husband is an atheist, you must be prepared to separate if he doesn't convert to Christianity at some point, whether that separation occurs in this life, or when you or he dies. If either one of you is not saved by Jesus, the result is not good, and is final - Hell/Lake of Fire. Hopefully you still choose Jesus knowing this possibility exists (obviously hopefully your husband becomes saved by Jesus too), and choose eternal life - it's a deeply personal decision that only you can make. That being said, I hope you can gain the information necessary to convert your husband at some point, even if little by little, through your words and how you conduct yourself in actions.
I hope your ailments are healed, both physical and mental anguish also. Please don't hesitate to reach out if you have any questions, or just need to talk and vent.
God Bless you, In Christ.