I'm Declining My Own Victory

[WhiteKnuckle]

I'm sorry to admit, and sorry to say. I've given up all hope. I feel destroyed, and hopeless.

I wont commit suicide.

I am drunk, and have gone back to drinking. I tried to do well, but nothing works out. My emotional pain, and physical pain have become too much to bear sober.

God bless you all.

 

[bud02]

I'm declining my own victory. Now those sound like the words of a wise man.

Your own strength will never succeed. Nor will you ever be justified by the law. Rom 3:20
Pr 3:12


2 Corinthians 12
[sup]8[/sup] Concerning this thing I pleaded with the Lord three times that it might depart from me. [sup]9[/sup] And He said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore most gladly I will rather boast in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me. [sup]10[/sup] Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in needs, in persecutions, in distresses, for Christ’s sake. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

Please don't misunderstand I read your thread the other day. Theres a lesson in this and I'm am confident that Him who has began a good work in you will complete it on the day of Christ Jesus. Phil 1:6 Don't fall for the lie that we are to be perfect in your tent of weakened flesh I just came from that forum. This is the result of such teaching defeat. Rom 12:2

 

[Miss Hepburn]

I'm sorry to admit, and sorry to say. I've given up all hope. I feel destroyed, and hopeless.
I wont commit suicide.
I am drunk, and have gone back to drinking. I tried to do well, but nothing works out. My emotional pain, and physical pain have become too much to bear sober.
God bless you all.

Whiteknuckle, I don't know you or your recent posts, but I think we have all been there at on time or another.
I do prefer other drugs for pain tho - alcohol seemed to make things worse for me - but it was convenient and made me sleepy.

I'm sorry for whatever is making you so down.
I hope it is not a woman - because if it is, you're screwed.
Miss Hepburn

 

[deprofundis]

There are times when matters seem hopeless, but do not give up. Often there is hope, obscured though it may be by misery and despair, and if you continue to try, doing what you can and asking God for his aid, doing the best you can and striving for the hope that may seem slim or entirely absent, you will perhaps find that there was hope, if not of everything being solved, of things at least getting better. Even if there is not, it is still better to keep trying, though it may seem miserable and futile, than to simply give up. As long as you continue to try, there is a chance, however small it may be. The chances for a world of peace and harmony seem slim, but there is no chance if people don't struggle through the hardship of life or of the world as it is for the chance of making a better one.

Do not set your expectations for yourself too high, or feel as though you are a failure because you cannot change overnight. Trying to reach a goal too quickly can be disheartening; imagine trying to climb Mount Everest without ever having gone hiking, or trying to write a great novel in a language you haven't learned. Any goal must be reached by small steps, and will be beset by setbacks. I know, I've "failed" at many goals many times in my life, even seeming to fall further backwards than I had moved forwards, but I kept learning and kept trying, and some of them I achieved, some of them I'm still trying to. Some days it seems like they're in reach, others, further than ever. If you reach out to God, and to those around you, perhaps they can help, in any number of different ways. Perhaps there is another way to deal with the physical pain, and at dissolute times, I know a smile and a kind word (rare though I may have found them) were more helpful than I ever would have believed.

Kierkegaard stated that, to perhaps oversimplify in the name of brevity, faith was the belief in something that one could never know. You can never know if there truly is hope, but you can make the leap of faith, hurtling over any and all evidence against it, and believe that there is hope. Good luck and God bless, and please, don't give up yet.

 

[gregg]

whiteknuckle i hope you have no children that they will see thier father this way for when we give up it only gets worst and children need a good father to support them.best advice finish the bottle get it all out repent get up on your feet start over,take 1 day at a time

 

[aspen]

"A Gentle Path Through the Twelve Steps: The Classic Guide for All People in the Process of Recovery"



I highly recommend this book. It provides a foundation for you and a sponsor to thoroughly work through the steps and look forward to a sober life. You can do this.

 

[Martin W.]

I'm sorry to admit, and sorry to say. I've given up all hope. I feel destroyed, and hopeless.

I wont commit suicide.

I am drunk, and have gone back to drinking. I tried to do well, but nothing works out. My emotional pain, and physical pain have become too much to bear sober.

God bless you all.

When I first read your post , my first thoughts were that You are a very honest man.

I like honest men. You and I would get along very well.

I have also observed that "What's His Name" seemed to like rough and tumble and honest men.

I do not know if you are rough and tumble , but your honesty tends to shines through. Thank you.

For a moment when I first read your post , I wanted to immediately tell you everything will be OK.

I chickened out , waited for a day or so , thought it over ,, and now want you to know

I do not worry about you.

I will have more to say later.

That is , If I am able to be as honest as you in public. Please allow me the time to respond fully. I wil not find it easy.

In the meantime here is a glimpse from another post. I think it is around post #8 at 05:11 PM

Talk later

A Martin.
Woodside

http://www.christian...3070#entry93070

 

[Martin W.]

(I transferred this here from another thread)thanks (Martin W)



Original quote by WhiteKnuckle, on 26 November 2010 - 02:14 PM, said:
Normally I'm the one that tries to encourage people to keep trying.

I've been looking at things lately and I don't seem to have any success at any of my endeavors. No matter how hard I work, no matter how hard I try or for how long, it seems that I just can't move forward.

Most of the time It seems I almost accomplish my goal and then everything crumbles apart near the finishline.

This seems to happen with everything,,,,,, Work, music, training, art, you name it. I seem to get just mediocre and go nowhere, or something bad happens and it all falls apart.

So, a good question here is,,,,,

How do you know if God just doesn't want you to do anything?

WhiteKnuckle (I wish I knew your first name)

Next year I will turn 60. I did not know guys like me could live that long.

I have been a Christian since Nov 1986. That is about 34 years ago. God has given me more proof than anyone I know.. I know a lot of people. I am talking about real proof. Not imaginary proof. Lots of it. We are to live by faith. But he gives me absolute proof. The kind we men can understand.

He has molded my life for 34 years. I disliked every change. Still do. Everything I held dear , was taken away , Everything that could go wrong did. I lived a very clean and pure and genuine Christian life.

He had a task for me and was maneuvering me into position. Then amazing things happened. It will be in a book soon.

Lord has a plan and purpose for you WhiteKnucknle , never let guilt cloud the way

Here is what a nearly 60 year old Canadian looks like. No gray hair , and that is not coffee in the cup on the tailgate.

 

[amadeus]

I'm sorry to admit, and sorry to say. I've given up all hope. I feel destroyed, and hopeless.

I wont commit suicide.

I am drunk, and have gone back to drinking. I tried to do well, but nothing works out. My emotional pain, and physical pain have become too much to bear sober.

God bless you all.

Jesus said, "Seek ye first the kingdom of God and His righteousness and all of these things shall be added unto you!"

The "all of these things' includes everything that we need according to God! So seek earnestly those two things in prayer. If you don't know exactly what the "kingdom of God" is or what His "righteousnes" is, don't let that stop you and don't worry at this point about definitions. God knows what they are better than any man. Ask of Him as per Mt 7:7. If you doubt your faith in Him, then ask Him for the faith that you need to accomplish not your purpose, but His purpose, His will. Then when you finish your talk with God [your prayer] be certain to give God the glory.

 

[shineyourlight_x]

I'm sorry to admit, and sorry to say. I've given up all hope. I feel destroyed, and hopeless.

I wont commit suicide.

I am drunk, and have gone back to drinking. I tried to do well, but nothing works out. My emotional pain, and physical pain have become too much to bear sober.

God bless you all.

I'm glad you aren't going to commit suicide. I have been down that path :/
Please know that you are not a mistake. If so, then you are saying God isn't perfect. God IS perfect and when he created you, He knew what He was doing.
Like Psalm 34:18 tells us, "God is close to the broken hearted."
We all fall down, we all make mistakes.
How about give your pain and your physical pain to Jesus Christ? Really give it to Him.
Go to God instead of alcohol. Dwell in His presence. When you get urges to drink, read the Bible. Especially the Psalms I absolutely love the Psalms and it brings such a genuine peace whenever I have a bad day!

 

[[email protected]]

I'm sorry to admit, and sorry to say. I've given up all hope. I feel destroyed, and hopeless.

I wont commit suicide.

I am drunk, and have gone back to drinking. I tried to do well, but nothing works out. My emotional pain, and physical pain have become too much to bear sober.

God bless you all.

You are drowning in circumstances.

When the sea rises up to swallow us, we need to embrace it and learn how to swim.
The struggle against self-destructive tendencies such as drinking is a long one.

The great and REAL hope is that with the help of the Lord it will NOT take as long to bail yourself out as you spent getting into it.

The thing is that you need to work at it. All good efforts meet with reverses, but one must consider the worth while goal.

The goal is liberty, freedom from one's demons and the way to do it is to bear one's cross.
This is what is meant when the apostle says that we should work out our salvation.
Not that we may buy God's favor, but that we may avail ourselves of the liberty which He has provided.

Read the book of Exodus. God destroyed Egypt and even provided leadership for the Hebrews to escape bondage - BUT THEY HAD TO DO THEIR OWN WALKING.

 

[Martin W.]

WhiteKnuckle

Lots of preaching and scripture quoted here. None from me. You already know preaching and scripture. You do not need more.

Have a drink. Kick your feet up. Ease up on the guilt. There is nothing God likes more than an honest man.

Very few of them around nowadays. Lots of showmanship.

Showmanship is the exact opposite of honesty.

Thank you for not putting on some kind of religious show.

May you have a kind and wonderful day.

Cheers
Martin

 

[th1b.taylor]

WhiteKnuckle,
Been there,. done that! Whiskey and beer are depressants and if your not writing Country Ballads of lost loves or the Blues... it's self defeating. I'm not at all clear as to what the problem is but I do know one thing, if your profession of faith was genuine, God is not through with you yet! The only thing that took my alcohol and drugs away was God. I spent 33 years of my life getting drunk to forget, only to find that as soon as I sobered up, the problem was still there, had not gotten any better and often had gotten worse because of my neglect.

Feel free to PM or to email me to talk if you wish. My prayer for you has been lifted to the Father and I hope this will pass soon. Either way, I'll see you in Heaven.

 

[WhiteKnuckle]

I appreciate the replies and the concern and the prayers. Thank you!

As an up date, Apparently the Lord isn't letting me continue with drinking. Don't know why exactly but it didn't work out. I haven't been back for a drink since my original post.

That night I had my best friend come over and we talked a little bit. Then later on I had a talk with my wife. Apparently they both agree I'm crazy. Although they put it more kindly than that.
My buddy referred me to a quack that him and his wife have been seeing and put them both on antidepressants. Well, I guess I'm on them too.

It's kinda silly that I feel I need to medicate one way or another. In many ways the problems are my fault, but in many more ways they're not. Either way, I've had an completely stressfull life, and I have absolutely not been able to feel calm, or relaxed since I was 18. I had a nervous breakdown shortly after I turned 18 and apparently have been suffering.from post traumatic stress. So, many other problems compound on top of that.

The biggest problem, (and I guess I'm just complaining at this point) is, that it seems that every single step I take to move forward and progress with anything is responded with a direct kick to the teeth and I'm knocked right back down again.

People say that I have a negative attitude. LOL! I've had mostly negative things happen to me all my life. Every time I turn around something bad, never ever, good, never ever rewarding. Each day I wake up and try to convince myself that everything will go good, I convince myself that I must keep trying, and I must move forward. Despite all the negative, I KEEP TRYING! How do I have a negative attitude?

I decide to take Judo, and even found a place that has nothing to do with "religion" instead of my original place. Got my son going, developed a great relationship with him finally. (which I have to admit, that's a good thing, so not to discount this in my previous complaint). But, to add to it, I thought my shoulders got injured during Jiujitsu and another time when my partner botched a throw. So, I go to the doctor and find out that I have Arthritis in both my shoulders. Not only that, but, I have it in my feet, my knees, my hands, and my lower back. FANTASTIC!

Anyway,,,,,,,, End with something good right?

The pills seem to be working quicker than expected. I'm taking 10mg Lexapro a day. So far, the stress edge has been knocked off. Alot of my other ate up emotions have curved downwards. Which is weird. I feel calmer, which Is I guess how other people feel? I don't know. My body has felt a lot more physically relaxed. I feel a little bit like I've taken some Nyquil.

Another interesting thing is, I seem to be developing an inner monologue. Although It's compounded with me invisioning that I'm standing in front of the person I'm thinking about and talking to them. So, I'm still a visual thinker, but it's weird to have an inner voice along with them.

The pain in my body has been literally cut in half, Starting Tuesday I noticed It wasn't bad anymore.

So, fine. LIfe won't work out, I have yet another way to convince myself to keep trying, and If it makes everyone else around me happy, I'll take some pills. With any luck I'll be a zombie by Christmas. I've always liked zombies anyway.

Once again, thank you all for your concern and your prayers! That's exactly what I was needing!

 

[shineyourlight_x]

I'm glad everything is working out for you.

As an up date, Apparently the Lord isn't letting me continue with drinking. Don't know why exactly but it didn't work out. I haven't been back for a drink since my original post.

And of course He doesn't want you to drink to get drunk. He loves and cares about you, and when he sees you doing this kind of stuff, it breaks His heart. I'm glad you are listening to Him!

 

[deprofundis]

One of the things people think causes depression is that the brain doesn't manage saratonin, a neurotransmitter though to related to mood and happiness (among other things) properly. SSRIs, or selective saratonin re-uptake inhibitors, are designed to help your brain regulate this chemical better, which makes a lot of emotions less extreme. As a result, they can manage the depression that comes from having too little saratonin, but also some conditions that may result from too much. They're not perfect for it, but they seem to help "regulate" moods better than most other "anti-depressants," which can often have a lot more side effects on mood. There are some risks associated with SSRIs that don't mean you shouldn't take them, but are important to keep in mind. The wikipedia article does a surprisingly good job of explaining them in a way that's pretty easy to understand and uncharacteristically without much bias.

Neuro major ramblings aside, that sounds like there is some good news to be had amidst the bad stuff.

I understand a lot of what you're saying, though; a lot of people call me a pessimist, but I prefer to think of myself as a "Charlie Brown Optimist." I may not have the most positive view of things around me, but I keep kicking at that football even it's gotten pulled out every time, just in case this one time, it doesn't. I may, and do, expect it to get pulled out and fall on my you-know-what, but I'm willing to risk it for that one time I get to kick the football. I think a lot of people think a positive attitude means turning a blind eye to the bad or painful things in the world, but I think the most positive attitude is to recognize them, but hope that even in some little tiny way, you can make them better. So your attitude sounds pretty positive to me!

I know how it feels to think nothing goes right, I've felt that way a lot in the past and there are times now when I still do. I guess it's important to just keep getting up, and maybe one of these days you won't get kicked back down. If you stay down, though, you don't even have to get kicked to end up on the ground.

Hang in there and keep trying, even when things seem at their worst. Remember to focus on the good things that do happen and the kindnesses that are in the world.

 

[aspen]

Sit down and write a gratitude list. You can refer to it whenever the negative thinking starts to close in. The fact is, depression creates a neural pathway in the brain that never goes away (developed by the mismanagement of seratonin and dopamine - so does alcohol, so the best way to get out of that pathway is to develop a new one - gratitude is a good place to start.