Issues of lust

[hmj123]

Hi all,I am new here.I would really appreciate some support and advice.My significant other of 4 years views online lustful image. I have recently gotten much closer to God...I did not begin the relationship christian like, but I have decided to stop doing all lustful things in my relationship (several months ago). I am happier this way. My bf wasn't as eager to stop even though he admits and knows it's wrong. We are both christian. He's actually very interested in religion and he is a good, kind, loving man, but has this struggle. I constantly pray for him about this and ask God for guidance. I'm at least glad he was honest with me and told me he views such online images when he has certain "urges" that are not fulfilled as they used to be. I understand that everyone has certain urges as humans, but I am able to get past them and not get involved in lustful acts, while he tells me that his urges get so distractful that he just watches something and takes care of it, if you know what I mean. He doesn't like having it on his mind continually so that's his solution. I told him my concerns, I suggested he recite a prayer when feeling that way but he says he's tried and it just doesnt work. I told him if we get married I dont want that in my house (on the internet) and he said its something he probably wouldn't do, espcially due to the pleasures we can experience in marriage and rightly so. He admits to me that what he does is wrong and that he knows he has to go to confession at some point, whenever he deals with it in that way I guess. He has acutally been a spiritual support for me, even though he struggles with this himself. I dont think I should leave him over this issue, I certainly have my imperfections as well. I expressed my concerns about how men can get addicted to this stuff and he assured me its not that frequent in his case. Basically he tells me it shouldnt be my concern, and that it shouldnt bother me. But the thing is, I want our relationship to be christian. And it for the most part is. Sigh, anyway, please advice..

 

[Wakka]

Parental filters would be my first line of defense. It slowly weens you off of the computer. And you have more time to have fellowship, even to go hiking. Pray for God to convict him of his sin. That he could die any minute in his sins, and life is much better when living pure. The Bible says that man is only a nose full of air, and that we have no guarantee of getting another breath.

 

[Christina]

We have a thread on this you might like to readhttp://www.christianityboard.com/porn-scri...&highlight=Porn

 

[JIP]

Yes indeed parental filters are one good option and awareness of corruption that porn does to ones mind is important.Well you could ask him to keep on the computer, except for specific needs like checking mails and viewing news for sometime till he gets over with the urge as he told you. An urge can even be satisfiable by calling and talking to a loved one. He can call you and speak with during those moments of temptation.Well the most sensible thing to do is to pray and read the word of God. Temptations will surely flee.Be Blessed Always

 

[lastsecman]

I've noticed that those people who frequently 'do-it-themselves' or 'xxx addicts', are those people who are sad and depressed, who have a hard time coping with their lives, who feel that they lack self-esteem and love.So if you really want your boyfriend to stop this behaviour then you have to first find out what he's depressed and sad about. Then you have to work out a solution with him for that problem, because that is the root cause of this behaviour.

 

[BearingChristaHammer]

While I do not oppose the idea of a net nanny or filter service, these simply do not work. For me when I have been struggling they only make things worse. If he has even the slightest ankling for computer knowledge these filters are easy to crack. I'm not going to say how here, but lets just say that there are several ways to be creative about it without being a genius and if he is one, it wont even slow him spare to remind him that he shouldn't be doing it - but he'll already know that.As well and this is off topic they can interfere with other programs and actually harm your computer as they aren't always coded with 100% integration to your computer and the software it hooks to. My performance went way down and it caused a crash where I lost some info. I would only recommend these to parents for their much younger kids.I am really sorry to hear he is struggling with this. I have had this same struggle both in and out of a relationship. It isn't an easy one. BUT he has to be genuinely wanting to stop as well as seeking outside sources to make a difference. He needs someone to be accountable to and it probably shouldn't be you at this point in time, but it should be somebody.Just for your info, I wouldn't place yourself in a position where you allow this knowingly and proceed into marriage. That's just not a good position to be in for many reasons. You need to know your worth, and that worth in the kingdom of God, and you shouldn't need to put up with this. What will that tell him of you? Though bearing with him in patience for the hope that he may flee this affliction is fine, just know when it isn't, and let enough be enough. You are a child of God, and so is he and are meant to overcome these afflictions. Not to be forgiven every time in confession only to repeat.Also from a certain inside source, you and him getting married wont change this behavior, not one bit. What he can get from porn on the internet is NOT the same thing that he can get from you. If he has not broken free by the time you wed then this act alone will change nothing spare for a little while.Many other men can attest to this. I liked the porn because it was safer. No attachment, commitment, anxieties, or letdowns. It could be whatever I wanted it to be in my mind. Or just a change of pace. In essence I thought I could make better sex then God gave me, no matter how good my sex life was. It offered other things that my partner simply could not. I don't say that to make you feel bad. This is his affliction and I am glad you are coming out of it. You are taking the role that he should be. You have taken a step and are leading in the right direction.I say this so that you know what you are dealing with here and can be realistic about it. I suggest that you talk to him in a way that doesn't embarrass him but that lets him know what this means to you and to the loving God you both seek to serve. Tell him you feel that he needs to seek outside help and that this doesn't make him weak it makes him stronger. You'll be supporting him every step of the way. He need to know that first he is doing this for himself but also for you the one he loves.It can be done but it is really hard to overcome this on its own, and thats why I suggest accountability with a group or friend. I am sure that your church can offer something or get you in touch with the right kind of people or information. I would start there.I wish you and your friend resolve in this matter and that you continue to grow in your walk with our beautiful Saviour - Jesus Christ.Love in Him,Mark