Wish I had something happier to start with. During the initial COVID lockdowns, God revealed himself to me, answered many questions I had. I fell in love with Him, looked forward to a long life spent with God only to (I think) grieve the holy spirit less than 2 years later. Nothing in life makes me happy.
You need to just let that go.
That is in your head....whatever it is, that you did, that you are still carrying around like a ball and chain.
Listen to me.....God is not holding that Against you. You are FORGIVEN.
It does not matter what it is....as all SIN has been dealt with by that CROSS..........all your sin.
So, TODAY, is the new day, and you have to end the guilt trip.
God does not cause guilt trips. God does not Condemn.
Its the devil that is the "accuser"... Its God who is the MERCY that Endures forever.
So,
let it go... as God does not remember it....>Its forgiven. Thats what Jesus is doing on that Cross for you.